JACK'S BLOG

Today I am losing my footing, I dropped so many tears. I wish I could hold you in my arms, and I would never have to starve from your presence. I wish you could teach me how to be like you, And I could love you like no other. I need you more, I need you more then you know. What can I do to show you how much of me was missing? What can I do to show you that your my everything? What can I do to show you that I have a pure heart? How can I show my love for you? I need you more this time. Today I have been lifted up, and I have been covered by your comfort, I wish you could stay by my side the rest of my days, I just want to scream how much I love you. I wish I didn't have to be so far away. Today this darkness will forever fade away, Then I could forever praise your name. I wish I could be with you as this world falls apart, I pray for your touch every single second. I need you more, I need you more then you know. What can I do to show you how much of me w...

Please strip everything away from my irritated skin, Leave the flesh to deal with my sin, hold me close, and make me pure again. So all I can see is your beauty, please save me from my awful lies. So open my blind eyes, please search for the love that's inside, I am glad you can forgive, because God, I have being drowning in sin. Please open up my heart, Help the tears to fall down, help the pumping and the beating, to flow easier and smoother. Please make me whole again, make me real then, so steal away all this dirt. help my life to work. How do I end up this way? A constant knot in my gut, tied with uncertainty, and lust. You can call me somewhat perfect, but I am betting that I am not. Here I am holding up my mistakes, I pray you'll make this alright, that you would show me your marvelous light.

Everything we do is just coming apart, I can't keep the pieces from falling out. Is this the beginning, or just the start? am I running from, what I am suppose to be running towards. My hair is turning grey, It's taken from the shadows in my face. I wake up in panic, I never wanted to forget my dreams, I never wanted to forget about you. I wish you could still see this sinful me. I never wanted to leave your side, and it hurts to watch me lie. Oh God I miss you so much. I can't stop my hands from shaking in regret. All I toss, and all I turn My past continues to burn me. You tried to warn me with these signs, but I was stupidly so blind. I fell apart right in front for you, There was everything I could lose, and my heart fell under abuse, and I just didn't know what to do. My heart was broken, and I didn't know where I was going. Maybe one day I'll finally reach my home.

Today is like your selfish game, That you love to play. Something is wrong with me, When I watch you drown them all. I am sick from your words. You put your hands on them, and I sing to myself. I could cry myself asleep, this is nothing I want to be. but each day you make me watch, and all I can do is beg you to stop. I am drowning from within, the tears are over flowing, and I can't see out of my eyes, Why do you hold me down, and make me watch? Why can't I leave this cruel world? I dream of seeing the light, but I am buried to deep in darkness.

I never looked beyond the dotted lines, I played it safe trapped inside. My focus was only on the door, and when it was completely open. My eyes bleed, just hoping, but all the windows were locked, and so was my only heart. I never saw the beautiful lights, and you never let this loneliness go away. Because of you I didn't have dreams, Because of you I have been covered in darkness. I lost every part of me that day, the words I couldn't explain, the horrific sights and sounds. When will I finally be free? When I can I escape from my disease? When will you stop torturing me? I played by all of the rules, I played the fool, What else can I do for you?

You only want your money, and all of the greed that follows behind. You would take out all the color, because in the end you just don't care. Everyday is a brand new way you can steal, there is no confront, because all you have is your fear, because you don't care. Now you have your green, but your covered in so much red. You would take what you truly want, and you would kill anything in your way. This is the way you are, rage, and you'll never change.

I can feel the moment build into a structure, and it became something that we dreamed of. We could run around the outside at any time, We could climb all the way up to the top. I looked in her eyes, and I saw a beautiful soul. I begged her if we fell that she would never let go. I grabbed her hand tight, and we skipped to the edge. If you really love me then you would truly save me from this life, she said. I am going to fall, and I going to jump, I am going to fight to make your life right. It took a second, but I finally dropped to one knee... I said if you love me, won't you marry me? The clouds began to burst, The sun began to burn. Then it all came tumbling down, but that didn't stop our dreams, That didn't stop us from being who God made us to be. Smiles filled our faces, and we knew we could weather this storm. Our hearts ran for the races. But the dream finally ended, and we were apart in our separated beds. One day this separation will finally...

We were broken and battered, but we changed our minds Finally we said are goodbyes. We used up all our talents, Until we lost our balance. This tight rope wasn't sturdy anymore, We had the ability to flee, and all our dirty secrets they could see, They wondered how could this all be? We stated our case.... and ran from all their faces. In another ghost town, In another empty space.. This is the start of something new, There is so much I would do to you, I would never loosen my grip, I'll never lose. We played to the sound of our own beats, The music was loud, but we weren't weak. We lived at the tips of our toes jumping from our wore feet.

This didn't happen when you said, I must be dreaming again. All these walls keep breaking, Crushing our hearts like nothing before. We are falling from our reality, Everything to you is fake. How much more can this soul take? Spat off at the mouth, Am I just a coward? These dirty words are sour. Are we convincing enough? How do we hide all of this blood? You can hear the truth fall out from her lips, but the lies are deep inside of her eyes. You can see the truth spilling from his heart. but the lies are deep inside of his mind.

So this might finally be it, I am saying goodbye to this chapter in by broken life. And there were multitudes of mistakes, and this path was so long. I am sure I will finally answer for them all,  when I am gone. So when the day comes, and the sun won't touch my face. Please tell the ones who cared enough, that I finally left this place. It's been so cold outside, and my hands are calmed shut. This image was cracked, but so was the view. All the stories this life could tell, I couldn't erase. At least now the storm can blow me away. The road to hell, along the way it's paved with good intentions,  so that's what they say, and some believe that no good deed goes unpunished, or so it seems. So come with me, and I will show how it feels to be messed up like me. So crawl inside my head with me, I'll show you how much I am to blame, I'll show you how much I am in pain. So you say that I am weak, so show me the proof, because despite your words...

I am hanging off of the edge, Standing trial for my sin. I remember the days standing out in the cold, The days I wish I had somebody to hold. Another knife to threaten me with, Blind from all the pain I caused. I was nothing more than wrong. I can hold my head up so high, But I am stumbling over myself, I am falling on my knife, But I won’t let this sickness take me out. You got my heart now, So don’t break these pieces apart. Save the retched side of me,  because I can't stop it from destroying my soul. Steal this suicide from my body, Please take me home. Desecrate this addiction from me, Let me see the light inside of you. Just end this endless fight. Make this life finally feel right.

I have been struggling to walk this tight rope, and my heart, it's losing it's balance. I'm am constantly falling and crushing my hope, It's been tearing me out from within, I am tried of hiding behind my awful sin. I just wanted to know the steps of taking control? These possessions have driven me to this disaster. I am now begging for some answers, all I can feel is this deadly growing cancer. Please see this decent human being in me, I hope to believe I could still be alright. Even though I am still falling apart from the seams. This life is making me dizzy, I am spinning out of control. Why isn't this badness so envious? How do I know this isn't just a test? I have been making this hard, but I am starving for affection, and there is nobody here to stop me. Let me break from this selfish disease. Let me break free from this lustful me. Please show a better solution, too my disgraceful revolution.

These are like the days of old, When we would spend it together. No matter our weather, We fought through the storms. We have battled through our hurricanes, It’s makes us strong to survive, So call me a safe bet, I'm betting that I am not. I am glad we can forgive, I'm hoping as time goes on we can forget. You are clam and repose, Let your beauty unfold. you are second hand smoke, you are the start of new hope. you are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my veins you make this happiness stay. You keep this smile on my face. I hope we never go away.