JACK'S BLOG

There’s a part of me that wishes, That I could dream with one eye open, So that I can see the stars at night. They sparkle in her eyes so bright. When I open my eyes I fell in love at first sight, With the girl in the doorway. She has such beautiful eyes, What a beautiful light. What a face to wake up to. I held back a sly as she touches my arm. From that moment everything was fine, She leaned to my heart only to find a different beat, That’s when I raised from my seat. I had such uncertainty of who I was suppose to be. She got back up on her feet. My smile couldn’t get much wider. These light colors couldn’t be more definer. What a beautiful day! You make tragedy float away. These days of summer quickly go by, The love was when I made her laugh. She always asked Am I cursed? I replied I think that I am cured. Things can’t get any worse, Until she brings disaster with the hurt.

There’s a steady stream of wild temptation running through my veins, Raise a glass to all of our losses, and none of our gains. And here we are just waiting to push play on the end. I’m waiting to see if she was really pretend. Breathing in this stale air in the wrong ways. Running like animals developing a brand new phase. I was blind to all of the devouring, And all that I could see was beauty, or what I thought it should be. I didn’t believe why any living thing should love me. This wasn’t just a dead end experience, I learned there is so much more to fear in all of this. Losing faith is normal in her world. But I have been waiting for this moment my whole life, And felt that there was something not quite right. Words screamed though the air, The look upon her face suggests that she didn’t really care. Our bodies separated for awhile, Until I called her back, and I said to her "I want you back!" Until she listened to me, and I said to her "I’ll beg ...

I could be a lair. I could be a coward. I could be wrong. I could lose hope. I could lose faith. I could be mean. I could be angry. I could be cold. I could be just like you, but I would rather take the high road. I could be loud. I could be ruthless. I could be selfish. I could be stupid. I could be sarcastic. I could be rude. I could be relentless. I could be childish. I could ignore you. I could laugh at you. I could make fun of you. I could assume things about you. Yeah, I could be just like you, But I would rather take the high road.

"I  lie to everyone I love!" "Just being me hurts, I am guilty!" "Drinking is my life, and being sober is a lie." "I am to broken to open up to anyone, I'm pour." "I love everyone, but I hate myself." "I hate to be blamed, but it's all my fault." "I love her, but she hates me!" "I am the reason why I sin." "I like to pretend I like people, but I really can't stand them." "I act like everything is fine, but I'm crying on the inside." "I miss her dearly, but she doesn't even care." "I pray to God every night." "I don't believe in anyone, but myself." "I wish I was normal, but I am a freak." "I choke when I am pressured" "I was a mistake, says my parents." "I have know one to love." "Greedy and mean is who I like to be." "I don’t think before I speak." ...

There is so much more to this world then a voice on the radio, Or another persons favorite television shows. Step away from this so called America where everything is cloudy. Us as people are missing out on life. We are to attached to our brief cases and watches. To busy on the never ending phone calls. Everyone is lost in themselves they are missing out. They are missing out on the clear blue skies, and The cool breeze that pushes the trees back and forth. We are missing the sunrise because we are busy sleeping. We are to worried about Sports and Shopping that we miss, The sound of the ocean roaring and birds chirping. Our music echos so loud through our neighborhoods we, Miss the chance to hear anything besides our over consumed technologies.

Our eyes locked from across the couch. Our minds were in agreement. Our hearts go patter patter, And our feet don't miss a beat. Her hand fits conform-ably under mine. Our smiles continue to meet. She bats her eyes, and I melt in my shoes. Here with nothing to lose. I said your so beautiful! What should we do? Fear of Sleep plays back in my head. Then she takes lead in front of me. I shy away from our reality. Already dreaming of what could happen. She taps in, to make a wish more reality. Then we lay to the bed. I said I love you again, and again. Then I kissed her on her forehead. She played hard to get. Until I finally got her to say yes. That's when I kissed her on her lips. I knew that , that night everything was right. Her beauty was the only thing in my sight. She laid lovely with a smile. We stayed up for awhile. She said I love you, and I quickly replied, Your the one for me.

I have been known to stay awhile. Walk around for days with no end, but now I am running for now. Looking for ways to say goodbye. I speak with no tongue, Because all my words are your ink. Happiness doesn't write itself, and pain comes without a doubt. If I lose then what's the point? I'm drowning just for a little while. I have been known to close my eyes, when the most important part is here. I get scared that I might get scared, and I'm tried of running from these fears. There are the little things that come to my attention, And these stains just won't scrub out. I am looking away for the right reasons, I wish that you could just see them. I have been known to close my mouth, so the dirty rotten words don't come out. I could say that I don't like you, but it would be hurting more then just me. I have been known to give you my soul, but it's sad I've sunken so low. There are days when I have trouble breathing, All I can do...

These were the places that we've grown. Some thing that used to be all are own. All that I have left is something that I am running from. I am so numb to this feeling, I wish I could cry through these scars. I'm home sick for a place that doesn't exist. I am blind to things, And I don't fit in. Trapped inside of this daze, Hoping this is just a phase, or maybe it's these pills I am taking. They leave me with lightning storms in my brain. Everyone is saying different things to me, I can't believe what to see. Emotionless me, I am wasting away. So sad, and so weak. This is what they say about me. Everyone's taking everything from me. My speech is so slur, I am the curse for this town, Pure heartlessness is what I've found. Simple coward is how I react. This feels like I am dreaming. I just don't know how to reach you love, we are just not the same. I am full of darkness & shadows, and lonely patterns. I wish I could stop...

I don't know where I belong. I'm struggling to find anyone to help me along. I'm crossing this lonely dark road. All I hope is that there is somebody home. I keep seeing, but I wake and I am screaming. Why aren't I leaving? Why must I have these feelings? I miss my old home where we would always run to just to be alone. I miss my old home where everything would start, and everything would end. I miss my old home where my heart fell from my chest. Those days I have fallen, I miss your location. I still can't move, I still can't drive, I'm so used to running, I'm so used to diving. Looking back it always looks so simple, but I still can say. I miss my old home. This is a new kind of loneliness where everything your used to is now going. I try to forget, but it's a constant pain. I remember my first kiss, the way I felt when I could run from everything. I remember the cool night's, and the hot summer days. I remember believing that ...

I'm falling and stumbling. I choose to lose, to run, to crawl, I chose to fumble over the truth. To lose, to you, I abuse myself. No more help. This is how I felt. I'm climbing, and I'm crying. My confidence just crumbles, I walk hard, I scream loud. To breakdown, I wondered how. With words that are foul. This is how it felt. I lose it, everything! It cut deep, and I wept with grief. It's alright, it's Okay! I think God can explain. I believe, I'm still the same. I get carried away, I'm relieved, I'm relaxed, I'll get over it, It will be just fine, I don't mind! I take lashing with stride, I take it all lying on the ground. The pain is what I found, and This is how it felt... It felt like hell.