Skip to main content

It Gets a little Jumbled but I Hope There's a Happy Ending.............

I'm sick of holding everything back. "God gave you a voice now use it." All I do is keep from telling the truth. Not that I am lying to people, I am just leaving out the important things. It sounds tough, but it some times feels right. What do I know about right I am always wrong. Being the guy with the problem all the time isn't the best. I think they call those kind of people "The Downer." So this is it I am laying it all on the table, sort of speak.

I love God, but some times I can do the dumbest things.

Everything seems to breakdown right in front of my eyes, and I can't stop it. I just have to believe that horrible things happen to people, and it's all for a reason. I'm so tired of believing in someone so much, and then having another person lose themselves because a line of events. Nobody takes me seriously, I am the joke. You know what, who cares what I say. "I still love you, I want you back, I want you to be mine." Ha...Ha......I think it's funny how you get this thought in your head, but there is nobody there to here it, so that idea just floats away, and turns into nothing. Most of the time that happens to me, but I forget the best lines like..."I don't hate you girl I just want to save you while there is still something left to save."
I have to say that my number one fear in life isn't death....or....planes not even tight cramped spaces. My number one fear is...what I am living with every single day of my life, and that is being completely alone all day. I have to say after everything is finished and all the pain is gone, and the smoke has cleared there is still some thing there. Of course you can't see it, but it won't hesitate to attack you at will. I learn something new about life every single day. Like today; "unless you get up and do something about it you will forever fall in the same holes." I am not ashamed to say that I have feelings for someone, but there not the same feelings as they once were. I thought I could write out a novel about Love, but I couldn't subtract the pain. Why is it with love comes devastating pain? I wish I could fall in love and never have to worry about the blinding pain that creeps up. Suddenly all the good times are taken over by horrible memories. My life is so confusing, but I must be doing some thing right because I am still here.

I got the worst news today. It was some thing I just wish I didn't have to hear. As soon as I heard it, it broke my heart. I almost didn't know how to feel. Giving up was one thought, then Anger was in second place. How do I not feel things like these when someone you love, someone you care about does things wrong. Why can't this be easy. "I wanted to stay, but it wasn't right there." You can't lose faith every time some thing doesn't go your way. The big question is what can I do now? The truth is that I am going to have to just let it fall apart. I am nobodies love, I am nobodies hope. I am just human, I am not God. I don't know why you feel that you need to do this to me. I can't save you. I love you, but God is your hope not me. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Weight

rain falls from the blackness in the sky, the water soaks the earth. here we stay a float, but slowly we are drowning. the mud grabs us by the ankles, pulling us into the ground. everyday is a struggle to move. With all of these days, we carry out this weight, walking closer to the pavement. we tippy toe across the marsh, crashing faster each time. crushed to our knees, our hearts slow to a beat. we question our strength, savoring every last drop, like the very last scotch. and at the end of the day, when the moon covers the view. your soft hand pressures, then squeeze’s these muscles and slowly cracks the bones, you push down upon me, I pray you don’t break me. With all the pain and agony, we continue to push forward, but we question our lives, always struggling to stand up straight. fearing our inevitable fate. carrying this horrible weight. Note; In all honesty this is about the world and the struggle to live, have faith in God, but the weight some t...
Post a Comment
Read more

If I Could I Would

If I could change a thing, I think I would have changed everything. If I could have known the truth, I would have never been with you. Twenty-five and I am so tired of this childish love, And all the pain that comes along with all its games. Seems such a waste to throw it all away, But I am who I am, like me or not, But you will never be able to change me. The world has its grips on you, And I am no way getting involved. Today could be the greatest of days, But what would you have changed? All of your wrong mistakes, your bad calls, All your fear and lies, Or are you just so selfish inside? If I could change the way we were, I think I would change everything. If I knew the absolute truth about you, I would have never even met you. Twenty-five to life with all that you did, Is this the end of love, should I give up? And here I am stuck with a broken heart, And busted up sight. These days are blurring together, And nothing seems al...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Longest Day Dream

Is this what it takes to make an illusion, or Will this ever come to be the truth? Why do I do the things I do? Why do I dream of these horrible things? I just want to know your view. It hurts to know what is not meant to be real. It hurts never knowing what will hurt next. I don’t want you to forget about me. I don’t ever want to go far away. I want to stick around forever. I want to stand up and fight. I don’t want to lay down and die. I want to be more than a weird nobody. I can’t breath on my own. I can’t stand on my own to feet. I need you more than I can imagine. Tell me that everything is O.K! I wish I could say that everything is alright. We can run away and live on forever. Where ever I go the pain follows my soul. Please make it go away from here. I want us to be free from this rule. I want us to run and never think again. I feel like this is my dream, and When I wake my smile will disappear. I want to say hey, everything is great! I want to hold you and talk of the good thin...
Post a Comment
Read more