Today I woke with the worst headache that I have ever had. It made the sirens that echoed in the background pound inside of my skull. My alarms continued to go off, and I continued to smash my fist on the snooze button. The truth is I didn't have the motivation to get out and participate in this game the world plays. My legs were so sore from all of the walking that I have been doing. My eyes were moist like before it rains before the storm, but I won't cry. Distraction is the key when dealing with death in this world. We are taught that there is a time for everything, but lately I have been losing my sight on things. I have been burying myself in my work, so I didn't have to see the lifelessness of my uncle lying in his coffin. I can only picture every once in awhile because it brings me to tears. I have always written about losing someone you love, but I never knew what it actually felt like. A father figure that changed my way of thinking, someone that was actually a man, and took care of business, someone that took me in when I needed a place to stay. It's weird I have never felt this way before It's like I have been completely blank. I had no words for the first time in my life. No poems to write about...nothing. I also realized how important it is to live your life. Quit complaining about every little thing in your life, and live your life. It's very important to be positive. God doesn't step out and say "Hey you are going to die here." So do what you can with what you have. We aren't all millionaires, and can go out do anything we want to, and as people we just have to get used to it. I know my life has brought me lots of pain, but on the same note I have had my share of good times. Sometimes I wonder if I will make it to the day I have a family of my own, but each day is something new entirely. It's a fresh start....whatever happened the day before just forget about it. Take one day at a time. Stop worrying about what will happen three days from now...today is what is important. Sometimes I worry to much...I look out in that great big world, and I worry about all those people that are struggling to survive. I worry about how it will end, but all things happen for a reason, and we are here to learn, and grow. So that's what I will do learn and grow.
I'm losing a little bit of me inside. All of the breakdowns drive them to hide. I'm wandering around hoping to find something that will never be true. My mind is spinning away from me. I can't see what's in front of me. I tried to be someone else, but the pain doesn't go nowhere else. I WANT TO BREAK!! I want to fall to my knee's. I want to scream out loud. I can't take this anymore. I'm stuck in this hole, and there is nobody to dig me out. With my back up against the wall, I can't see my dreams when your standing in my way. I'm staring at the future begging for the past. I know the good times, but they don't ever last. I WANT TO BREAK!! I want to fall to the floor. I want to scream out loud. I don't think I can take this anymore! My heart is still beating, but my breathing is getting weaker with all of this weight on top of my chest. I keep on fighting these angels wrestling these demons to the ground. I keep on walking until I los...
Comments