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Putting the Past at Rest, and Opening My Eyes to the Future

I can't believe my eyes today. Today I got up and I finally looked back on my past. I looked at photos of someone, and I finally felt happy for her, and happy where I am in my life. There was a time in my life where I would hurt myself by staring at a future that was dead in the water. I walked around with it laying on my shoulders. The truth was I hated her...I couldn't stand the sight of her. But now I am actually happy for her, I know that I am in a place where I am happy, and I am not looking for a change. I have truly found a beautiful person that loves me for who I am. She may not see it, but she makes me crazy about her every single day. She makes me feel good about myself when I feel that the world is against me. When I am grieving she puts her arms around me and holds me until I am better. She's the one person in my life that I can open up to. Sometimes I see myself with this big future where all my dreams come true, but the truth is with her by my side, my human dreams don't mean a thing. I can't believe my eyes, she is so beautiful to me. Sometimes I act so stupid, and I realize that now. It doesn't matter how many times she messes up, or she makes me angry..I couldn't live without her in my life. I used to feel like I had to live up to this past that was destroyed in front of my eyes, but I can finally lay that to rest. This is a new start, a brand new day. I am so glad it's not the same as the last relationship. It's better..The truth is I have been doubting myself...I have been waiting for me to do something that I will forever regret. I was waiting for everything to fall apart again. I feared that it could happen all over again, like a bad dream, but each day she surprises me. I always thought I was looking for this perfect girl to complete me, but nobody is perfect. In fact she does complete me...I picked a good one this time. The best part is that she matches my goofiness, and she makes me smile. She has a beautiful smile, and I love when she laughs. She may not like all the music that I like, but I love her for at least putting up with it. She is a writer like me, and you know what...I am pretty damn happy. She says the funniest things when I am around. At one point in my life I thought that I was done with relationships, and falling in love. I thought it wasn't for me. I knew I hated being lonely and God answer my prayers. She came out of nowhere for me, it was chance the way we met. Each day I am waiting to hear her voice. I love that she is great with kids, and she is an amazing singer. I really see a future with her, and I hope she will be in my life for a long time. It took awhile for it, but it finally happened. I am over what happened in the past. I tried to forgive that person along time ago, but truthfully I did it just because it was the right thing to do, and I wanted to see her again. I can't say if I meant it or not. I thought I did, but every time I saw her photo I would feel horrible about myself. She once told me that it was all tough love, and maybe she was right. Not being with her drove me insane. As of today I feel peace in my heart for her. I am so happy for the way her life turned out, and I am even more happier how mine did. 

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