Skip to main content

Putting the Past at Rest, and Opening My Eyes to the Future

I can't believe my eyes today. Today I got up and I finally looked back on my past. I looked at photos of someone, and I finally felt happy for her, and happy where I am in my life. There was a time in my life where I would hurt myself by staring at a future that was dead in the water. I walked around with it laying on my shoulders. The truth was I hated her...I couldn't stand the sight of her. But now I am actually happy for her, I know that I am in a place where I am happy, and I am not looking for a change. I have truly found a beautiful person that loves me for who I am. She may not see it, but she makes me crazy about her every single day. She makes me feel good about myself when I feel that the world is against me. When I am grieving she puts her arms around me and holds me until I am better. She's the one person in my life that I can open up to. Sometimes I see myself with this big future where all my dreams come true, but the truth is with her by my side, my human dreams don't mean a thing. I can't believe my eyes, she is so beautiful to me. Sometimes I act so stupid, and I realize that now. It doesn't matter how many times she messes up, or she makes me angry..I couldn't live without her in my life. I used to feel like I had to live up to this past that was destroyed in front of my eyes, but I can finally lay that to rest. This is a new start, a brand new day. I am so glad it's not the same as the last relationship. It's better..The truth is I have been doubting myself...I have been waiting for me to do something that I will forever regret. I was waiting for everything to fall apart again. I feared that it could happen all over again, like a bad dream, but each day she surprises me. I always thought I was looking for this perfect girl to complete me, but nobody is perfect. In fact she does complete me...I picked a good one this time. The best part is that she matches my goofiness, and she makes me smile. She has a beautiful smile, and I love when she laughs. She may not like all the music that I like, but I love her for at least putting up with it. She is a writer like me, and you know what...I am pretty damn happy. She says the funniest things when I am around. At one point in my life I thought that I was done with relationships, and falling in love. I thought it wasn't for me. I knew I hated being lonely and God answer my prayers. She came out of nowhere for me, it was chance the way we met. Each day I am waiting to hear her voice. I love that she is great with kids, and she is an amazing singer. I really see a future with her, and I hope she will be in my life for a long time. It took awhile for it, but it finally happened. I am over what happened in the past. I tried to forgive that person along time ago, but truthfully I did it just because it was the right thing to do, and I wanted to see her again. I can't say if I meant it or not. I thought I did, but every time I saw her photo I would feel horrible about myself. She once told me that it was all tough love, and maybe she was right. Not being with her drove me insane. As of today I feel peace in my heart for her. I am so happy for the way her life turned out, and I am even more happier how mine did. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

“Something She Said”

And all of the animals can breath on their own, And I can speak for myself, So you can let go. I’ve turned my back, She continues to stare, What are you looking at? I ask. There is nothing left to in the tank. All of my love has been spent, And I have nothing left to give. I was looking at what I had she replies. Have you noticed what is gone? It’s not just happiness, It’s all of are drugs, We used them all, We lost are love, It’s all gone, All used up. And all of the animals can run free, And I can finally be me, I loved you, but I must leave, So take your lonely hands off of me. And don’t look at me with your sad eyes, And I know longer want to hear your sad song. Because you made this come to be, So stop pretending that you can breath, And don’t act like you can speak for yourself. Because you were so far from who you really are. It was all just something you said.
Post a Comment
Read more

If I Could I Would

If I could change a thing, I think I would have changed everything. If I could have known the truth, I would have never been with you. Twenty-five and I am so tired of this childish love, And all the pain that comes along with all its games. Seems such a waste to throw it all away, But I am who I am, like me or not, But you will never be able to change me. The world has its grips on you, And I am no way getting involved. Today could be the greatest of days, But what would you have changed? All of your wrong mistakes, your bad calls, All your fear and lies, Or are you just so selfish inside? If I could change the way we were, I think I would change everything. If I knew the absolute truth about you, I would have never even met you. Twenty-five to life with all that you did, Is this the end of love, should I give up? And here I am stuck with a broken heart, And busted up sight. These days are blurring together, And nothing seems al...
Post a Comment
Read more

Anchor

I am holding on to the hope that one day this could be made right, I’m this sinking ship, wreak left for dead. Everyone I loved seems to be strangers in the night, but oh my heart still burns, but I am questioning whether I want to search for them. Trouble has been sent my way, and the wicked followed, Here I cry at your feet, Open my eyes so I can see. Anchor of my Soul You Sustain me, When I am in the storm You remain good to me. But true love is the burden that will carry me back home. I am sailing home to you I refuse to stand here alone. By the light of the moon, I will press On. Tie me to this anchor before I lose, the one I love and become lost at sea. So this love will be my burden, all of these memories of beauty. Anchor of my soul You sustain me, when I am in the storm you remain good to me. This ocean has become your grace, and I praise you everyday at sea, the water fills me up, but you hold me stable, guiding me every step of the way. becaus...
Post a Comment
Read more