I can't believe my eyes today. Today I got up and I finally looked back on my past. I looked at photos of someone, and I finally felt happy for her, and happy where I am in my life. There was a time in my life where I would hurt myself by staring at a future that was dead in the water. I walked around with it laying on my shoulders. The truth was I hated her...I couldn't stand the sight of her. But now I am actually happy for her, I know that I am in a place where I am happy, and I am not looking for a change. I have truly found a beautiful person that loves me for who I am. She may not see it, but she makes me crazy about her every single day. She makes me feel good about myself when I feel that the world is against me. When I am grieving she puts her arms around me and holds me until I am better. She's the one person in my life that I can open up to. Sometimes I see myself with this big future where all my dreams come true, but the truth is with her by my side, my human dreams don't mean a thing. I can't believe my eyes, she is so beautiful to me. Sometimes I act so stupid, and I realize that now. It doesn't matter how many times she messes up, or she makes me angry..I couldn't live without her in my life. I used to feel like I had to live up to this past that was destroyed in front of my eyes, but I can finally lay that to rest. This is a new start, a brand new day. I am so glad it's not the same as the last relationship. It's better..The truth is I have been doubting myself...I have been waiting for me to do something that I will forever regret. I was waiting for everything to fall apart again. I feared that it could happen all over again, like a bad dream, but each day she surprises me. I always thought I was looking for this perfect girl to complete me, but nobody is perfect. In fact she does complete me...I picked a good one this time. The best part is that she matches my goofiness, and she makes me smile. She has a beautiful smile, and I love when she laughs. She may not like all the music that I like, but I love her for at least putting up with it. She is a writer like me, and you know what...I am pretty damn happy. She says the funniest things when I am around. At one point in my life I thought that I was done with relationships, and falling in love. I thought it wasn't for me. I knew I hated being lonely and God answer my prayers. She came out of nowhere for me, it was chance the way we met. Each day I am waiting to hear her voice. I love that she is great with kids, and she is an amazing singer. I really see a future with her, and I hope she will be in my life for a long time. It took awhile for it, but it finally happened. I am over what happened in the past. I tried to forgive that person along time ago, but truthfully I did it just because it was the right thing to do, and I wanted to see her again. I can't say if I meant it or not. I thought I did, but every time I saw her photo I would feel horrible about myself. She once told me that it was all tough love, and maybe she was right. Not being with her drove me insane. As of today I feel peace in my heart for her. I am so happy for the way her life turned out, and I am even more happier how mine did.
rain falls from the blackness in the sky, the water soaks the earth. here we stay a float, but slowly we are drowning. the mud grabs us by the ankles, pulling us into the ground. everyday is a struggle to move. With all of these days, we carry out this weight, walking closer to the pavement. we tippy toe across the marsh, crashing faster each time. crushed to our knees, our hearts slow to a beat. we question our strength, savoring every last drop, like the very last scotch. and at the end of the day, when the moon covers the view. your soft hand pressures, then squeeze’s these muscles and slowly cracks the bones, you push down upon me, I pray you don’t break me. With all the pain and agony, we continue to push forward, but we question our lives, always struggling to stand up straight. fearing our inevitable fate. carrying this horrible weight. Note; In all honesty this is about the world and the struggle to live, have faith in God, but the weight some t...
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