"Everyday I wake up thinking that everything is wrong, and I want a big change in my life. I realize that nothing can go perfectly in one single day. I know that it doesn't matter what I do I can't plan anything, I can't wish, and hope for the day where everything in life comes to my door step. Deep inside my soul I feel like I have something locked away. I never know when, or what it is.....I feel like it could be good, but how would I know. The last couple of weeks I have been away from school, and it's been awhile since I held down a job. You can go fishing with all of the things swimming around in my head. For the most part I got a lot of time to think, but that's just the point. Everyday I feel like things could be the very same, and nothing changes. It's another summer in this city, and again I can't find a job. I am halfway to thirty and a career is in question. But for the one thing that is certain I finally met someone special. Someone real to the touch, I don't have to dream anymore, I don't have to wish anymore because the one thing that I dreamt about for years as already come true. I really believe that this life doesn't matter as much as it seems. We are here for one reason, and that is to serve God. I don't really understand why all of the other stuff matters to us. At the end of each day I realize who, and why I love them. I do know that everyday is a challenge, it's a learning experience for me. I believe that was all it was meant for. I know in my heart that one day things will change for the better, and I will look back on these blog posts and laugh at myself and the way I was acting. I don't just write because I want people to write my word but it's because one day I can go back over them and enjoy my experiences."
Is this what it takes to make an illusion, or Will this ever come to be the truth? Why do I do the things I do? Why do I dream of these horrible things? I just want to know your view. It hurts to know what is not meant to be real. It hurts never knowing what will hurt next. I don’t want you to forget about me. I don’t ever want to go far away. I want to stick around forever. I want to stand up and fight. I don’t want to lay down and die. I want to be more than a weird nobody. I can’t breath on my own. I can’t stand on my own to feet. I need you more than I can imagine. Tell me that everything is O.K! I wish I could say that everything is alright. We can run away and live on forever. Where ever I go the pain follows my soul. Please make it go away from here. I want us to be free from this rule. I want us to run and never think again. I feel like this is my dream, and When I wake my smile will disappear. I want to say hey, everything is great! I want to hold you and talk of the good thin...
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