"Everyday I wake up thinking that everything is wrong, and I want a big change in my life. I realize that nothing can go perfectly in one single day. I know that it doesn't matter what I do I can't plan anything, I can't wish, and hope for the day where everything in life comes to my door step. Deep inside my soul I feel like I have something locked away. I never know when, or what it is.....I feel like it could be good, but how would I know. The last couple of weeks I have been away from school, and it's been awhile since I held down a job. You can go fishing with all of the things swimming around in my head. For the most part I got a lot of time to think, but that's just the point. Everyday I feel like things could be the very same, and nothing changes. It's another summer in this city, and again I can't find a job. I am halfway to thirty and a career is in question. But for the one thing that is certain I finally met someone special. Someone real to the touch, I don't have to dream anymore, I don't have to wish anymore because the one thing that I dreamt about for years as already come true. I really believe that this life doesn't matter as much as it seems. We are here for one reason, and that is to serve God. I don't really understand why all of the other stuff matters to us. At the end of each day I realize who, and why I love them. I do know that everyday is a challenge, it's a learning experience for me. I believe that was all it was meant for. I know in my heart that one day things will change for the better, and I will look back on these blog posts and laugh at myself and the way I was acting. I don't just write because I want people to write my word but it's because one day I can go back over them and enjoy my experiences."
After all of these years, words still harden your heart, always so condescending when the spotlight isn’t on you. when you come crashing down, everyone is to blame for mistakes made. It will be alright, you can take it out on me! You hold the past like a sword, swinging it at anyone that gets close. chaos exudes out of your mouth, hitting everyone in spitting distance. Here you excuse the lonely of being depressed, yet you sit alone crying at night. Your all knowing wisdom, seems to be all wrong. you know nothing of this fight. So, won’t you take it out on me? you consume yourself of unreal expectations, and live a life of false positivity. so blame me for your indiscretions, and lay your burdens on my shoulders. take it all out on me. But stop playing pretend, hiding your heart full of agony. I tell you this loud and clear, but here you are never listening. We still have so much to learn, and everything to fear. but it’s alright, take it out on me! ht...
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