Skip to main content

Still Looking.....

I feel like I can walk out of the door, and get stabbed in the heart at any moment, and there is nothing I can do about it. I know I keep bringing up this subject, but I really feel it weighing on my heart. The subject of going out in the world, and finding someone that I can put my trust in, and love them unconditionally, and not have them hurt me in the end. It's always a good feeling when you get some type of clarity in your life. As soon as I got my heart shattered again I realized that it's not her fault. Of course I have my moments where I am completely lost, angry, and sad. From these moments I say or write things that are mean, and hurtful. Honestly, I have done this before with another girl that didn't deserve my poor behavior. I have a hard time holding my tongue, because I just want to get my feelings out. Since this winter break began I started talking with about four different people from my past, and one I would like to talk to, but I never wanted to force a friendship on her. Anyways it's great to see how much we have all grown up in the past couple years. That one girl, I am not saying any names, but I am very proud of her. Although she hurt me once upon a time it doesn't matter anymore. It puts a smile on my face to see that she is happy. I don't know what it is with me, I like seeing other people happy even if I am not. I hope that one day I can find that in myself for this last girl.
Everyone tells me that God has someone special for me, but I have a hard time believing that it's just going to be that easy. I mean my last two girlfriends were special, very beautiful, very talented, and I loved them a lot, and still do, but if I can run into two beautiful girls that I find amazing, and they aren't the ones for me, then what are the odds of this every happening? I can wander out in the world for years hoping to stumble upon the one women that will stay faithfully by my side.
When I look back on reading these posts I always laugh because I never realize how bad I want to find true love, and to be content with my life, start a family..until I read these. I mean I don't sit around talking about it all the time. It doesn't even come up in a conversation normally. My poetry doesn't reflect it at all. Maybe I am just looking to hard that I am completely blind to whats in front of me. Maybe it's just not my time, yet. Maybe it will never happen, but whatever it is I guess I am still looking.....

Comments

Rebecca Nelson said…
I totally know where you are coming from on this. I dont know if you knew this or not, but I was married before. It was fine but then he turned physically abusive and I couldnt take it anymore. Then I found someone great and we got engaged and then he broke it off. I keep wondering when will I find that one for me? I am happy single, but I want to find someone to spend my life with and share memories with. I know where your coming from and some days are better than others. You are a great guy and you will find that person for you!
January 24, 2012 at 8:17 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

“Something She Said”

And all of the animals can breath on their own, And I can speak for myself, So you can let go. I’ve turned my back, She continues to stare, What are you looking at? I ask. There is nothing left to in the tank. All of my love has been spent, And I have nothing left to give. I was looking at what I had she replies. Have you noticed what is gone? It’s not just happiness, It’s all of are drugs, We used them all, We lost are love, It’s all gone, All used up. And all of the animals can run free, And I can finally be me, I loved you, but I must leave, So take your lonely hands off of me. And don’t look at me with your sad eyes, And I know longer want to hear your sad song. Because you made this come to be, So stop pretending that you can breath, And don’t act like you can speak for yourself. Because you were so far from who you really are. It was all just something you said.
Post a Comment
Read more

The End Times?

You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains. (Matthew 24:6-8; Mark 13:7-8 NIV).Mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God -- having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. (2 Timothy 3:1-5 NIV). But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. (2 Peter 3:10 NIV). An...
2 comments
Read more

Anchor

I am holding on to the hope that one day this could be made right, I’m this sinking ship, wreak left for dead. Everyone I loved seems to be strangers in the night, but oh my heart still burns, but I am questioning whether I want to search for them. Trouble has been sent my way, and the wicked followed, Here I cry at your feet, Open my eyes so I can see. Anchor of my Soul You Sustain me, When I am in the storm You remain good to me. But true love is the burden that will carry me back home. I am sailing home to you I refuse to stand here alone. By the light of the moon, I will press On. Tie me to this anchor before I lose, the one I love and become lost at sea. So this love will be my burden, all of these memories of beauty. Anchor of my soul You sustain me, when I am in the storm you remain good to me. This ocean has become your grace, and I praise you everyday at sea, the water fills me up, but you hold me stable, guiding me every step of the way. becaus...
Post a Comment
Read more