Natural Disaster

How normal can I be? Every minute of my life I am changing, and I can't derail this crooked cart. If I were to die today, I would be left with so many questions in my life. I know that there is someone out there that truly loves me for who I am. I know there is someone that will be honest with me, and they won't hide away all there feelings. I know someone is out there that won't play games with my heart. I am just wondering who that person is going to be. I continue to have dreams about trust, and my heart. Maybe the answer has been in front of me the whole time I just never wanted to accept it. Of course I never hoped that someone would break whatever was left in my heart. Maybe I am to damn nice to people, and they just walk all over me, they treat me like the trash that I am. They throw there words at me like the punching bag that I am. I never thought I was trash, or a punching bag, or someone to walk all over. Each time I get to know people they put me down like a sick dog. The more time I am on the earth, the more I don't understand people. Maybe we aren't worth saving. We are so selfish we would destroy anyone for our wants, even the ones we love. We steal our own families money, we lie to each others faces. We make people believe that we love them just so we don't have to be lonely, and then when there is no need for them anymore we dump them, and move on to the next helpless soul that would do anything for love. I don't believe this is what love means. We hide are hate for one another inside are lips, and smile at them with our crooked teeth. We push away people that our struggling in life, but claim to do God's work. We clam to be bible reading God loving Christians, but after Sunday Service we clock out, and rack up our sins. We use God like an old dirty rag, that we don't want to throw away. We are so sure of our self's, until a Earthquake, wildfires, or Hurricane comes raging at us with all it's force, and we find our self's praying on our knee's, begging to be saved. We make stupid decisions, we are more worried about are belongs then our safety. I am certainly no saint. It seems all I can do is mess my life up. All I can do is fall in line with all the people that would rip my heart out, and not even think twice about doing it.

There maybe a Hurricane hitting the east coast this weekend, but look around we live in a natural disaster. We are surrounded by people that are just sick, We let Guilty people free from killing there children. We break our backs for other countries, while our country is falling deeper into sin. We give more and more money to people that don't even need it. Now I know most of the time I write about the negative parts of my life, and I understand that is what I am good at. Yes, I do see the good sides to this life, and all the things in it. I am happy to say I am in love with a girl, and I am going to college, and I am alive everyday. The way I feel is the bad out weighs the good most of the time, and I don't know how to control the chaos. I heard some where that I will never be able to control the chaos, that I just have to ride the wave of chaos to the finish line. So when I ask questions like..Will I ever be able to trust people? the answer is no, don't put your trust in people. Put your trust in God. People will always be there to let you down, stab you in the back, and kick you while you are down. I am not saying don't have friends..I am saying have them just don't tell them anything they shouldn't know, and if they want to know those things..in my opinion they will have to work hard for them. In the end if they are still by your side, and has fought there way, then they have earned a piece of you. I shouldn't have to nag people to talk to me. If that is the case I guess they weren't much of a friend in the first place. My curse is that I want to so badly see the good in people, but all they show me is there demons. Here is to change in all of our lives. I raise my glass to all of us out there that struggle with trusting in people. Don't close yourself off it doesn't work, trust me I did it for the past five years. And for the chaos in this world, we can't expect God to fix man's mistakes, we have to change it our self's.