JACK'S BLOG

 So we can look around this world and see millions of people matched with someone else, but do we really need that other person? Do we really need friends to hang out with, friends to share our lives with? So many people feel that they need to be with someone because they feel they don’t want to be alone in this world, they can’t imagine a life without a relationship. I honestly believe his is pretty sad, and it brings this sadness into play. I am not saying I am not one of those people, but I have been without people for a long time. Like I have said in earlier posts I have trust issues, and that plays a big part in who I hang around with. After sitting around feeling pity for myself, I realized that I don’t need anyone; I think it’s wrong that we let our feelings rule over us. I am not saying I don’t want the friends that I still have, but it makes no sense to me to rush into another relationship just because I am feeling lonely or that I don’t know what it is like to be single....

I have lost whatever sense I had left, And I can’t find the things that used to be mine. I have put this overwhelming selfishness aside, And I have run so far away from this addicting pride. I want to escape from this loneliness, I want to drowned in your endless crowds, I want to scream so very loud. I have lost the once decent speech, And I can’t find the words to say. Another day this price is to be paid, Only if you would have stayed. I want to trade this lonely heart, I want to rip this one clean apart. I want a brand new start. I want to be free from this loneliness. I want you to surround me. I want to be something more than me.

This could be our last time, So maybe we should forget the rules, And we should live to our fullest, Because one day this might be all over. I can sense the danger around the corner, And I can see all of your tears leaving. I can’t fake this it’s not all right, But what will happen when we fade away? I know we used to laugh and play, So I’ll turn up the music, And I will act as if we are all ok. And we can rock out until the end, But it’s sad to hear that your feelings have gone. And you don’t remember us anymore, So it’s time to stay far away. This could be our last days, But maybe it’s a brand new way, Maybe these memories will fade?

This week I had a really hard time trying to figure out what I was going to write about. I started to write something about sin, and then I wrote something about loneliness. I felt that bringing up something negative would just kill the mood for this month of posts. So I decided to combine both loneliness and renewal since I can relate with both of them in my life at this moment. I wanted to start off by talking about this feeling you get. It’s this feeling where you could have a whole room full of people, and still feel completely alone. I mean not one of those people understand who you are and what you have been through. I am at the point in my life where my trust is on the brink of destruction. I mean I don’t know how to save it from falling off the edge. There are so many times I just wanted to reach out and meet someone, but I have this fear in that they are just going to crush my already shattered heart. I mean I feel like I am fake every day, or just a lair when someone asks m...

Ready, I am running into your life, I’ll never lose myself my wife. I got this love inside that sky rockets, It blasts inside me like a bomb. You have truly got my soul, Hang on tight don’t you let go. I will do everything in my power, I will love until there is nothing left. I will walk on my own just to find you. So if today is your birthday, Then I will forever celebrate your name. I will bury my selfish pride away. I am ready for your heavenly touch. I am ready for this pain to be nothing. I am crying for your guidelines, And let me be more than this disease. I will close my eyes to my hateful side, I will take your hand and follow behind. I will thank you for the rest of my days.

Here I am falling to my end, Break me into pieces, And fix my ailing heart, Make me into who I was meant to be. Take my soul, And make it yours Take my sin, And wash me clean. Here I am falling into your arms, Break these wasted chains, And set my body free, Make me into something more. Take my heart, And mold into yours Take my reflection, And shape it into your Sons.

While I was growing up I wasn’t really pushed into Church besides when I went to my grandparents’ house for the weekend, where I was expected to attend Church. The truth is that I had no idea what this place was; I didn’t understand what it meant to be a Christian, or to have a relationship with God. I just went when I had too, and then that was it. As I grew up the idea of God was beyond me. I was the wandering Sheep, but I didn’t seek God at all. Even when I finally accepted Christ into my heart, I still didn’t understand this relationship with God. I found myself following what other people did, and I didn’t see what I was doing wrong. Two years as a Christian, and I didn’t understand what I had to do in this relationship. Like a lot of people I went to Church on Sunday, felt horrible for all of the sin I committed, I prayed, and then the rest of the week fell into pieces, again. Here I was stuck in this endless cycle that continued to drive my life. I found myself praying for chan...

Everyone is searching for something more. Everyone is falling for life’s simple things. We all have our dreams but we are losing sleep. Everyone cries to be loved. Everyone hides on the inside. This love goes beyond our heart, It screams past our soul. It’s the greatest of them all, And it holds all the power. Everyone falls to pieces, When the world is crumbling around them. Everyone wishes for that feeling, That breathes in them new life. Everyone loses themselves, Searching for love in someone else. Everyone fights for what they want, But they are truly missing out. This love breaks through these chains, It cleans us until we are pure. This love never disappears, This love never fails.

Love doesn’t hold grudges, Love never hates, Love never fades. Love will not provoke, Love will not boast, Love matters the most. Love doesn’t lie, Love doesn’t run and hide, Love doesn’t keep locked away inside. Love is not proud, Love doesn’t obsess, Love will provide, Love will protect, Love always hopes, Love still believes when you don’t. Love is right here, Love is alive, Love is the way, the truth, and the life, Love never fails.

Have you ever just sat back and thought about how much God loves you? It is easy to look out in this sinful world and not see His love, but it is there. In the last couple of weeks I realized something; that whatever I was searching for all those years has been right in front of me this whole time. I spent so much time praying for love, I spent so much time looking for this “father figure” to step up in my life, and teach me how to be the man I was meant to be. I looked for these things everywhere I went. The one place I looked the most was the Church, I believed in my heart that one of these older wiser men would someday step up, and show me how to be a man of God. What I forget was that God was working in me this entire time, and I had it in me all along. I can sit here and dwell in how much time I wasted, but there is no need for that. There were so many days I spent just being in love, but never showing my love. Love is the most powerful thing in the world. Love can’t be bought. L...

Why would everything work out so badly, If we were meant to be? Don’t worry my darlin’ I will fight tooth and nail, And I will protect you, Through the bad.. If this was all a mistake, Why do struggle to lose this grip? Why do I want to love you through all of this? If we could just take this step, We can move in the right direction. Say goodbye to chance, Say goodbye to luck, Because I got God instead. If this was just a moment in time, Why can’t I stop thinking about us? Why don’t I just walk away forever? I still got this little feeling, That is driving me to excitement. I got this love that leads me back to you. So why waste another day, When I want to fight for you?

Here I am caught in this dance, Spinning until I finally get my chance. I’ll put one foot forward, I’ll put one foot back, But until we move together, We will continue to lose each other. So here is my hand, I’ll open myself up wide, So you can forever live inside. Here I am searching for you. So here is my heart I pour it out, So here is my soul I’ll let it go. So here is my life I give it up for you. Here I am to finally lose myself, I know you could truly help. I’ll leave my burdens at the door, I’ll leave my trash at the altar, And I will live this life, The way you taught me. So In my final steps, Maybe our footing wasn’t perfect, Maybe our wording wasn’t all clean, But in the end you were forever here to love me. Here I am searching for you. So here is my heart I pour it all out, So here is my soul I’ll finally let it go. So here is my life I’ll forever give it up for you.

As a young Christian there are a lot of things that I don’t understand, and searching for them has been amazing. I know that I will spend a lot of time this year studying the word of God, more than any other year. So the first thing that caught my eye was the idea of Chance, and Luck. How do you know that someone was put in your life out of randomness? Well as Christians it says in the bible that we shouldn’t believe in these things because God is in the workings of all aspects of our lives. Ephesians 1:11 “In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will,” So let’s say you meet someone, and you fall in love, but you did everything wrong in the relationship, so God splits you up, what do you do now? Depending on how you still feel about each other I would say to start again, but put your focus on God. As of free will we have the ability to choose love, so the way I feel is that i...