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Being Fatherless

When I look out at the world all I see is millions of families without fathers. It breaks my heart to see what this is doing to the kingdom of heaven. I am one of those million that grew up without a father. I can’t even say that, that would be the worst thing. In my opinion the worst thing is to grow up in a home where your father wasn’t what he was supposed to be. There are Christian fathers today that are to prideful to dance with their daughters, there are Christian fathers that cut around all the laws in the bible, but believe that going to Church on Sundays is all they need. These are a few of the many mistakes men are making. Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” There are kids that grow up in a family that believe in God, but outside of Church they have no idea how to seek God, so the kids grow up, and they don’t understand as well and they fall into the same traps. I didn’t grow up as a Christian in fact I didn’t truly understand what being a Christian meant until I was 22 years old. I didn’t become a Christian until I was 23, and I didn’t understand how to be in a relationship with God until I was 25. I never had that father to show me how to be a Godly man, but I am learning as I go. I don’t want to continue in my father’s cycle. I don’t want be another bad father. I will step up and be the Godly man I am called to be. I decided to go a different direction with this post. This is something I wrote a while ago about how I felt about my father not being around. Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
            “I don’t believe anybody feels the way I do. I have to block all of these thoughts of you, so I don’t lose my head or anymore tears. This is just another nightmare to remind me that you left me all alone. These pieces of me that you remember are gone forever. My soul hasn’t given up and my heart or pain hasn’t been covered up. You were never here to help me; my words just don’t come out right some times. This life is hard to shallow. I still wish you were here fighting this war with me. I have been waiting for way to long. Now I just do what I always do. I just wanted to be your son, and make you proud, but now you’re nowhere to be found. Since you left I have been completely lost and you weren’t here to guide me. There were so many times I thought there was no reason to live this life. There was no reason to fight. There was never anything you could have said that would have made this pain completely go away. I don’t know how to deal or what to feel, I just needed you most of all. You never tried to reach me, and I felt defeated. The one thing that forever tore us apart is the same thing I will never touch. You left me broken. I can just remember your baby boy waiting by the door with tears in his eyes waiting for his father to show. I can remember a teenager struggling to become a man, but lost in the pain of losing you. Why did you take that path? Why did you leave me all alone? You don’t even know me anymore.”
            Proverbs 29:17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” Honestly, these are feelings from years ago, and I have forgiven my father and I love him very much. I understand that it wasn’t his entire fault. I will always forgive him and want him in my life even though we live so far from each other. When I became a Christian, God opened up this love inside of my heart that has changed my life. Now I am not saying that its right that I didn’t have a father to teach me how to be a man, but I have finally expected what has happened. I was going to write about how horrible it is to not to have a father, but there are so many reasons that could have been the cause to that. I think most of all it is our choice to act the way we do. I mean if we didn’t grow up with a father, does that mean we have to be in a gang or an alcoholic? I believe in free will, and everyone has the choice to be who they want to be. Yeah, my dad wasn’t around, but I choose to believe in God, and to go to a Christian College, and have love in my heart. What I am saying is that at the end of the day we have the choice and we can’t blame our parents for their many mistakes. Having a Father that has chosen to run from his responsibilities is a horrible thing, it’s a horrible feeling, but in all honesty we shouldn’t show hatred towards one another. Trust me for years I had so much anger, and emotion. We have to realize that these fathers are just are earthy fathers. We need to understand that we don’t have to be like them. We can follow God and break this cycle of fatherless homes. It’s our choice. Luke 1:37 “For nothing will be impossible with God.”

Comments

dawn said…
I'm standing in agreement with you. We can break the cycle of fatherless homes.
February 9, 2012 at 9:16 PM
Anonymous said…
Have you seen the movie Courageous? It addresses this very same issue.

Well said, my friend, well said.
March 16, 2012 at 2:32 PM
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