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If you don't have God then you don't have anything at all

I’m guilty of getting jealous over other people’s lives, but the truth is it is only for a split second until I tell myself that my life is pretty great, so how could I complain? It is hard to act like I don’t want things to be different sometimes. For example; moving out of this city, or finally getting out of college, and the most difficult one is to travel. These all sound reasonable, but in my situation they sometimes seem impossible. I want to say this life sucks, I want to scream at the top of my lungs, and I want to be mad at the world, but that won’t be right, now would it? Sense I have accepted Christ I started to really dislike these feelings. I hate it when I am drowning in bad thoughts. I ask myself, why can’t I look at the bright side? Why can’t I be thankful for what I do have? If I am pure then I believe this world is making me dirty more and more each day. Then I started to think that if I am dirty and I act in a wrong way or have bad thoughts when it is so amazing that God could continue to look at me like I was 100% pure every day. He knows all things about me even my selfish desires and sexual impurities, but no matter what he still opens his arms and forgives me. Now that is amazing, not some overpriced concert from your favorite artist, or a long cruise on spring break. It doesn’t matter if you have some breath taken new car, or an entire mansion to yourself. If you don’t have God then you don’t have anything at all.
 This is where more trouble comes about because I so badly want to be like God, but just like everyone else I fall short. Let’s be honest here I will never live up to God I am not perfect, but I want it so badly. It has been four years following this path and I have failed so many times, but I am still fighting. It is impossible for me to be like God, well because I am human, and he is God. And yes I accept the fact that I am going to mess up, I am a sinner. Beyond that I can love the people around me, and treat them with respect, and give them the time a day. I can help the people that need help, and I can forgive them for their wrong doings, but yes I will stumble along the way, but this heart belongs to God not Satan. I will not through up my hands in frustration, I will not give you my white flag, because I am going to continue to fight on no matter how flawed I am. I can feel it in my bones when I do something wrong. I sometimes laugh at people for their imperfections, I can get so selfish with these materialistic things in my life, I take my anger out on the people I love for no reason at all, I lie about stupid things, I act immature, and I can be very sarcastic. These are just a few things. So I am not perfect and I do sin. When I write and call people out I don’t want it to seem like I am not talking about myself as well. Sometimes I think that what if it doesn’t matters if I list off every bad thing I struggle with each day. I mean in all honesty that doesn’t take them away I am still battling against them. I just feel like it isn’t an option to give in or give up. I don’t enjoy having to say this is all I do wrong, but I am not scared to. What I mean is I am not proud of these bad things I do, but I want to seek change, and nobody reading this can wipe these sins clean.
 Everyday I am fighting something new and it grows inside of my heart like a cancer, but if I don't ever give that to God I would explode. We complain about all of things that we don't have, but are so quick to forget that we have Jesus Christ

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