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What Is on my mind!

I am so frustrated to the core of my heart. The question is why? I really don’t have and answer anymore! I am grasping at straws….. I think I am changing into the person I am going to be for the rest of my life and it scares the hell out of me. This feeling started a couple of weeks ago. It snuck up from behind leaving me distrait. I haven’t had anyone to talk to in awhile. I am truly talking to myself and there is nothing nobody can do about it. I’m so mad AWWWWWWWW! Honestly, what the fuck was I thinking? I hate myself so much! Now that I can look back and see myself I really do hate myself. I wish I could say that I was perfect in every way, but that is just not possible. It is not possible for anyone in this world. I try so hard to be the perfect person. I am nice and kind. I am the one that pays attend to what people have to say, but I hide all of my pain away and I keep this smile on my face. When can I scream at the clouds? When can I just go out and never come back? When? I can never really decide?…… … Never, right? I am stuck in my pitiful situation. I guess I just have to bleed, sweat, and tears to get out of this one! I did get a little angry today, I just wanted to ring someone’s neck. Please don’t think I was serious, I was just a little angry. My manger decided that he was going to let someone go home early. This person worked a total of two hours and didn’t barely do anything. That was a small thing too, but it pissed me off. I don’t know why? I kind of lost myself. Hi, I am Chris and I am a complete mess, Please if you are out there, Help Me. I wish it was that easy, but I have lived enough to know that money doesn’t fall from trees. I am pretty sure if it did it would go to people that have money alright. I don’t know let me see….. Athletes, Actors, Musicians. I’m sure if you act in a Movie or Play a Sport you deserve millions of dollars even though it is a fucking game and there are people in this country that give there lives for our right’s and freedoms. When the U.S is in a depression and there are people losing there houses and jobs. No wait, they play a different character, or they play a fucking sport. O, I am sorry they should make that much money. I mean if every Actor, Athlete, and Musician gave half of what they made they can single handedly help the United States. That would never happen because well this is America and people are fucking Assholes. Especially Athletes I mean how much money do you Fucking Need for catching a ball or putting a ball in a basket. I mean I can’t see any player that plays the game for the love of it. I mean you are playing a sport for your job, what more do you want. There are millions of people that can’t ever get that opportunity. I see that you give back to the communities, cities, but there are so many more cities in the US that need help. Then there are Actors, I have to say your fans are everything to you. The Box Office! The TV Ratings! The DVD Sales! Right! The middle class watch and attend all these movies, I mean the people that are working three jobs to feed there families and your over there making millions of dollars a movie. I know what it’s like to be an actor I know it’s a lot of hard work. That is what I want to do the rest of my life, but What the Fuck! I mean can you people help anyone! Last there is Musicians, I really don’t have anything bad to say, Music changes peoples lives. Nothing else effects your emotions more than Music. I just wish they would give back a little more! They need to stop worrying about people getting there music for free, because fans still buy albums. If every musician would think the next time they write or make a album.. I could be changing millions of peoples lives. To be honest that is what all of these professions should be thinking about. They have that big media/ in the spotlight job. I wish they would use it for good and not evil. Please don’t talk about your million dollar boats and houses because we just don’t give a fuck. I mean when us mid class and poor people hear that it makes us feel like shit that we can afford heat for half the winter.I wish I had some answers, but I don’t. Maybe if the ones with the power would lead the rest of us can follow. I feel like my life sucks right now, but what do I know maybe people will wake up and change the world.

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