JACK'S BLOG

What Should I do? I can't stop the raging inside. I am screaming all over! I am in my head. I am spinning. To many nightmares. I can't take your voice no more. I am sick of the struggle. If you happen to let me in, I promise I will destroy you. There is a darkness destroying my heart. I can take this anymore! I have nothing left to give. I am down on my hands and knee's. I put my head on the ground. I am crying out loud. I am begging you please. I need you more then ever. Please Love me like your son. I am crawling on the pavement, I am searching for your Glory, God. I am trapped in the middle. I keep falling over myself. Scratching and clawing for you. I love you God despite this agony. I just want to touch you now. I want to know you. I can't get over you, Lord. This way your deep inside me. I know your there, God.

I can remember lying awake, Laughing about what feelings I will fake next. I was always tired of thinking about you. I hated everything you did to me. I hated everything I did. I faked my smile. I faked my happiness. I faked my laughter. Most important I faked Love. I can remember saying I love you first. I did whatever you wanted. I never had desires of kids or marriage. I hated all of your ideas. I hated all my ideas. Most important I hated myself. I didn't like what I had become. I couldn't stand your conversions. Everything we did was all a waste. I rarely ever slept well. My head was drowning in nightmares. Yes I cried, and Yeah I wept. What if everything we did wasn't real? All the emotions I didn't feel. I just wanted to feel something good for once. I never wanted to do what you wanted. I never wanted to do what I wanted. When you were Sad, I was pissed off. When you were Happy, I was Sad. Why you were trying to find your life. I was to busy fighting the war ins...

Dear Readers, I am so sorry for the way I have been acting on this Blog. I have wrote somethings that were flat out mean. I don't want to lose any one's trust. I try so hard to write what I am feeling, but lately I have just been saying things that were mean. I wish the people that I have hurt can find it in there hearts to trust me again. I do wish everything can go back the way it was, but all we can do is grow as humans. Maybe we are stronger for this mistake, this misunderstanding. I want to say that I forgive you for what happened and I am here with my arms open. I want us to be close again. As friends for now! I will continue to keep everyone in my prayers. I hope that everyone feels better. Just be positive about life. Take a walk and enjoy what God has created. Love, JACK

Why did it have to be you? I wish I could be perfect, but I am just a man. You stole the first broken words out of my mouth. You met my depression. You never let me heal. You just broken them even worse. I am praying for you to find yourself. Because I don't know where you are. I wished I believed in the truth. All I can remember is my lies. I want to hold some part of you. I don't ever want to let go. I have learned something from you. I have learned that you need to give yourself away. Let your problems float up to God. Everybody wishes they can travel back. I am here with open arms. I am here with Love inside. The answer is, Please pray for yourself. Then the question is, Am I the what you wanted? I am here for you if you want me! In the end we all find Love again!

Here is to you and your lover boy. I got your plans trapped in my head. I lied, I never would have walked away. I lied, I would have fought to take care of you. I lied, I never wanted to travel, it was only for you. I would have done anything for you, just for you. Lets have a drink to the horror that I am in. I got your wedding bells in my ear. I die when you say his name. Who am I to you? The wrong person at the right time. All you can fear is your biggest mistake. Here is to you and your lover man. I hope you have the life you dreamed of. This toast is for your’s truly. I am drunk on my knee’s. Can you right now hear me? I can’t let go right now! Who am I to say that I am a good person? I am falling down a dangerous path. I don’t know if I will be around anymore. This last one is for you the one who set me straight. You are the person that gave me hope and ripped it away. You are the last girl I will love on this day. So long, you……

Who am I to you? How can you go on and be happy with yourself? You found someone else to be with. I am glad you found that someone special. You dumped me for him. I guess everything you told me applies to him now. You have someone to hold your hand. You have a shoulder to cry on. How can you walk away so easily? You don’t feel anything inside? Why did you feel the need to fake Love? I am glad you moved on, but Why am I stuck with this pain inside my heart? I don’t think you understand what you really done. I wish you could see it deep inside your heart. You spoon feed me lies, and then ripped me apart. I am such a fool for believing In you. I can see why you rejected me as a friend. I wanted to help someone I used to love, You wanted nothing to do with me. Look me in my face, today! Why can’t you explain? I Loved you like a fool. I saw an Angel like a fool. You can take it out with your lover. Why did you have to lie? It was always about you. What you wanted to do. When you feel like t...

This House used to hold life. Now it’s dead, beyond repair. The walls are dark without picture. Empty floors surrounded by empty boxes. There is no light because the blinds are held shut. Everything that was left is now destroyed. This is what happens when torn apart. There is nothing left in this wide open space. It’s like love was siphoned out of a heart. Everything is broken and covered with shattered glass. No air flows through this house, When everything is locked up tight. You can dust off the welcome mat, But you can’t open this door. There is No sleeping in beds. There is anger in the closets. There is pain under the beds. Please I am begging you, don’t you ever come back in.

I saw you in your pretty white dress, and I watched you throw out your bouquet. I watched you drive off with nothing to say. Now I think about you all damn day. I am alone in my lonely bed. With silly dreams replaying in my head. And there’s a river where we used to swim around in, And at the bottom you’ll see all my love for you. It doesn’t float cause it’s all dead. This never was what you intended it to be. Cause you made up little lies and then pulled them apart, Again and again in front me. I think something dark’s living deep down in my heart. We spoke about the future, the family of our lives. All the ways we would live and survive. Then your mood changed to cold selfishness. And nothing was ever the same your helpless. We spoke about the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. All the songs that we Loved the most. Then it all turned to this bitter sweet hate. This is not your work, it’s not your fate. I think I am losing my grip on things. ...