I can remember lying awake,
Laughing about what feelings I will fake next.
I was always tired of thinking about you.
I hated everything you did to me.
I hated everything I did.
I faked my smile.
I faked my happiness.
I faked my laughter.
Most important I faked Love.
I can remember saying I love you first.
I did whatever you wanted.
I never had desires of kids or marriage.
I hated all of your ideas.
I hated all my ideas.
Most important I hated myself.
I didn't like what I had become.
I couldn't stand your conversions.
Everything we did was all a waste.
I rarely ever slept well.
My head was drowning in nightmares.
Yes I cried, and Yeah I wept.
What if everything we did wasn't real?
All the emotions I didn't feel.
I just wanted to feel something good for once.
I never wanted to do what you wanted.
I never wanted to do what I wanted.
When you were Sad,
I was pissed off.
When you were Happy,
I was Sad.
Why you were trying to find your life.
I was to busy fighting the war inside my head.
Most Important I hated myself.
This was never a blessing.
It was never meant to be.
The fights were all because of me.
What if I never Loved you?
At the time I lied to everyone I knew.
Especially the one's closest to me.
What if you never knew me?
I didn't even know me!
I am sorry to have to tell you this,
but I think you fell in Love with Depression.
You felt pity for Depression.
It was never the real me!
Here I am caught in this dance, Spinning until I finally get my chance. I’ll put one foot forward, I’ll put one foot back, But until we move together, We will continue to lose each other. So here is my hand, I’ll open myself up wide, So you can forever live inside. Here I am searching for you. So here is my heart I pour it out, So here is my soul I’ll let it go. So here is my life I give it up for you. Here I am to finally lose myself, I know you could truly help. I’ll leave my burdens at the door, I’ll leave my trash at the altar, And I will live this life, The way you taught me. So In my final steps, Maybe our footing wasn’t perfect, Maybe our wording wasn’t all clean, But in the end you were forever here to love me. Here I am searching for you. So here is my heart I pour it all out, So here is my soul I’ll finally let it go. So here is my life I’ll forever give it up for you.
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