JACK'S BLOG

www.menatthecross.org Whenever I feel angry or frustrated I should be joyful, so that anger doesn't build up in my heart. I should be gentle and faithful. On Saturday October 30, 2010 I went to Virgina Beach to London bridge Church. I never felt more sure about anything in my life then at this event. As a young Christian in my teachings, and age, I felt this helped me with so many questions in my life. The lessons that I learned where most important in my life as a Christian. The Lord gave these speakers, and performers a gift, and a message, and they made that point clear to all men. I got so much out of this experience that I am looking forward to next year. I am ready to do my part. I learned important lessons. What a father, and husband is suppose to be. Even though my earthly father wasn't the best role model for me, my real father, my dad, my lover, my hope, my savior, my everything will always be there throughout my life. He will be there from the beginning, all the wa...

The fact is that I am broken, I am selfish to the bone protecting my heart. Shattered in a broken home, Surround by people but still alone. I toss and turn in my sleep, and I'm burning up in my bed. The flames keep getting higher, and I just don't care anymore. I am still screaming at these lonely walls, and these tears drop as I fall. I can smell the smoke, as it fills the room like a fog. I have been trapped inside for way to long. It doesn't seem to matter where I go, I am stringing along my darkness in this home, and I still have nobody to talk to. This name you yell out isn't mine, and I don't want to burn for my sins. It's getting so dirty in here, nothing seems to be clear, I can wipe my eyes, but everything is black in here. It's so dark, and I am losing myself. I can't seem to wake up. I am drowning in this holy water, but I just won't come clean. I can see the light, but it's slipping away. Please don't bu...

  I don't recognize anyone around here anymore,                             and I am climbing up these cracked walls.                                    I didn't look at your girlfriend,                                  and I didn't touch your mustang.                                 I don't want to be here right now.          ...

 I am really getting sick this life, and there is no one here to help. I am in love with your pills, now I can get rid of myself. I can fall onto this guilt. It always attacks on this side, and you can't even wave bye! Why am I so hard on myself? And at this time when the sun goes down. it's not a moment of happiness, it's not a time to unwind. In this room you can look around, but there's an emptiness that surrounds. And I don't need anything from you, so take all that you need. I am on these terrible strings, and I am climbing up these walls, How about you? She's in this only for the money, because Love doesn't mean a thing. So shine your light down on me tonight. because this darkness isn't on my side. I am in love with your pills, A little red, and a little blue. I tried to get rid of myself. I wish you would help, but you never do.

                                                    Some times I feel so far from your loving arms.                                               What I have done, the fear that I have lost someone,                                             My eyes wander so far away,       ...

You are my safety net, And I wish you didn't have to be, And when I fall out of bounds, You are there to save me. I lose sight on this simple path, I do what’s wrong, and lose what’s right, But no matter how far I seem to stray, You are always there for me. And when I look the other way, Your love never fades. You are my safety net, you catch me when I have nothing left, I lose myself so completely, that you find me in my filth, but your unwillingness doesn't give up on me. I fall deeper, and I get darker, but your love shines it's light, and all of this wickedness takes a hit. I can bathe in my mistakes, but you cleanse me of this sin. you are my safety net.

You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains. (Matthew 24:6-8; Mark 13:7-8 NIV).Mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God -- having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. (2 Timothy 3:1-5 NIV). But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare. (2 Peter 3:10 NIV). An...

And it’s the right time to fall apart, And it’s the right time to begin at the start, Because I am completely over this.....I wish. And what so beautiful causes so much destruction? I have nothing left to say, but the spit in my mouth, And I would love to speak my mind, and get it all out. I jump and I jump just to fall to the ground. All I hear is this sound of your failing love, You lied to me, and it scars me to death, I am in fear that you will happen again. I am sick to my stomach, You made me believe that you loved me, You repeated it again and again, And you drilled it into the back of my head. Now I live with your disease because you loved me, And I am just another broken human being, With endless amounts of baggage holding me down. I wish I could leave this, but I still can’t believe it. It’s like I am dead, and so I am heartless inside. You stole my heart leaving me dark and alone. I can’t begin to tell you how much I miss you, Because all of the people that loved me, Chained...

And all of the animals can breath on their own, And I can speak for myself, So you can let go. I’ve turned my back, She continues to stare, What are you looking at? I ask. There is nothing left to in the tank. All of my love has been spent, And I have nothing left to give. I was looking at what I had she replies. Have you noticed what is gone? It’s not just happiness, It’s all of are drugs, We used them all, We lost are love, It’s all gone, All used up. And all of the animals can run free, And I can finally be me, I loved you, but I must leave, So take your lonely hands off of me. And don’t look at me with your sad eyes, And I know longer want to hear your sad song. Because you made this come to be, So stop pretending that you can breath, And don’t act like you can speak for yourself. Because you were so far from who you really are. It was all just something you said.

I was made to believe in someone’s love, Someone I can truly open up to, Spread my wings like an eagle, And fly away like a dove. I walk these broken patterned streets, To the sounds of sad sorrowed beats. There is so much to this complex world, I just wish I can break through this frozen ice. And I dreamt of the fire burning this life, Making me feel the heat of a demised soul. I wish you would notice me, Or at least the person who I can be. I am not going to leave for while, So you should get used to my crazy style. Chaos is bleeding through the skies, So I would advise you to stay in side. There is no likeness in the dirty water, Nobody to save you when drowning in the sea. I hope that no matter what we do,we survive, This broken world of pain and misery.

   The last couple of weeks have been extremely difficult for me. I feel like it doesn't matter what disaster I am living, there is always one to follow. Then it becomes this cycle, another fallen domino. I don't know how I am here today. It seems that each day it get's harder and harder on me, but I am still here pushing. It's not how hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit, and keep moving on. If this is true, I don't know how much I can actually take before losing control. You can't do this alone. I have heard this over and over again, but what I have learned is that I will always be alone in this world, because I don't have a single person that wants to spend time with me. I am not complaining I am actually quite used to it. I am like if somebody comes along, I'll trust them not to completely hurt me like people have done in the past, but until then I am going to fight the good fight with our fearless leader.    Now another tragedy happens a...

The winds push the blinds open, We cross are fingers hoping, That this won’t be our end. We were tired of the fight, Words didn’t make us right. I am so tired of trying, To find the words to say. Would it be easier to fade away? I am so tired of trying, To find the words to say. I love you no matter what you say. I love you, I love you, And I don’t care who hears me. I am so tired of trying, To find the words to say, I love you, I love you I don’t care if you hate me, Because I love you and that’s the feeling. Somebody please shed some light, Because we are drowning, And I can’t see where this is going. I wish we could stop, But I don’t want to lose are flow. I wish for our happiness, But mine isn’t watching you go. Because I love you, And I don’t care if you hate me. This is what I am feeling.

By a route obscure and lonely, Haunted by ill angels only, Where an Eidolon, named NIGHT, On a black throne reigns upright, I have reached these lands but newly From an ultimate dim Thule- From a wild clime that lieth, sublime, Out of SPACE- out of TIME. Bottomless vales and boundless floods, And chasms, and caves, and Titan woods, With forms that no man can discover For the tears that drip all over; Mountains toppling evermore Into seas without a shore; Seas that restlessly aspire, Surging, unto skies of fire; Lakes that endlessly outspread Their lone waters- lone and dead,- Their still waters- still and chilly With the snows of the lolling lily. By the lakes that thus outspread Their lone waters, lone and dead,- Their sad waters, sad and chilly With the snows of the lolling lily,- By the mountains- near the river Murmuring lowly, murmuring ever, - By the grey woods,- by the swamp Where the toad and the newt encamp- By the dismal tarns and pools Where dwell...

I said it hurts to see how shallow things are. That’s when tears fall from her eyes, I sadly begin to cry, Is this real? She replies. The feeling was love when it works in reverse. She moved closer to my vulnerability, Please just hold me? Are we really going to go through with this? I answered with a nod. I put her hand to my heart, And said truthfully you are all I got. From my breaking heart it’s true. I don’t care what other people say about you. Nobody loves you like I do. This is why I’ll fight to be with you. My friends say your stupid, But I think that you are cute. I want to spend my life with you. I said it hurts to speak the cruel truth, But it’s what we must do. I lean a little closer, Oh God, I wish I could really know her, But she’s a figment of my imagination, She's a fake, all pretend, a Lair! The type of women I am attracted to. Why can’t we just speak the honest truth? I love you,