The last couple of weeks have been extremely difficult for me. I feel like it doesn't matter what disaster I am living, there is always one to follow. Then it becomes this cycle, another fallen domino. I don't know how I am here today. It seems that each day it get's harder and harder on me, but I am still here pushing. It's not how hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit, and keep moving on. If this is true, I don't know how much I can actually take before losing control. You can't do this alone. I have heard this over and over again, but what I have learned is that I will always be alone in this world, because I don't have a single person that wants to spend time with me. I am not complaining I am actually quite used to it. I am like if somebody comes along, I'll trust them not to completely hurt me like people have done in the past, but until then I am going to fight the good fight with our fearless leader.
Now another tragedy happens and I am caught with my head down, which I guess if you think about it, it brings me closer to the ground. I may be down, but I won't hit the ground without a fight. I am suppose to believe that things happen for a reason. I am suppose to believe that we are going to be just fine. Well, I don't feel fine, in fact I am not doing that great. I can't sleep, I can't focus on anything except for my tears. I am feeling like I missed out on an opportunity of meeting somebody great, and again I put my heavy mask on and hid away. I guess I will never learn from my mistakes. And I can look back and say that this world is just not okay. It's sad what we allow to happen, and expect after something bad happens to someone we love, that we can just keep moving forward and not grieving in the right way. I feel like it was just a year ago that I lost someone that I loved, and now I have to deal with more loss. When is the right time to fall apart? From living in a big city the answer to that is, never, it's a sign of weakness. What kind of world is this that showing sadness is a sign of weakness. Lately, I have been trying my best to keep it all together, but it's not going as I planned it to go. I have so much class work to do, I don't have time to feel. I wish I could just say "forget this work." I wish I could just go on a retreat with the Lord, and me. I know that wishing, and hoping won't get you anywhere in life.
The enemy strikes us with unexpected tragedy, and we find ourselves on our knee’s with our head on the ground. It’s sad to live in such a cruel world, but we can either throw up our white flags, and give in to the devil’s dirty deeds, or we can get back up on our feet, and trust that God will save us…then that’s what we must do. Let’s show who has strength and power, and love that will never faultier. I can simply continue to complain about the pain in my life, or I can speak out to God, and to you. I hope you understand that I don't speak out very often. Yes, in my poetry, but like this, no. The truth is that we will never grow as a people if we don't have Love. Without love who are we? There are millions of questions that swim around in my head, yet my mouth just won't come out with any of them. Only God knows! For me to say that I will be fine is out of my hands. I just want to be positive, and say that these events in our lives are there to make us stronger in the Lord, to help us grow as loving Christians. I just hope that we understand that. Don't worry, about a thing, because every little thing is gonna be alright.
Now another tragedy happens and I am caught with my head down, which I guess if you think about it, it brings me closer to the ground. I may be down, but I won't hit the ground without a fight. I am suppose to believe that things happen for a reason. I am suppose to believe that we are going to be just fine. Well, I don't feel fine, in fact I am not doing that great. I can't sleep, I can't focus on anything except for my tears. I am feeling like I missed out on an opportunity of meeting somebody great, and again I put my heavy mask on and hid away. I guess I will never learn from my mistakes. And I can look back and say that this world is just not okay. It's sad what we allow to happen, and expect after something bad happens to someone we love, that we can just keep moving forward and not grieving in the right way. I feel like it was just a year ago that I lost someone that I loved, and now I have to deal with more loss. When is the right time to fall apart? From living in a big city the answer to that is, never, it's a sign of weakness. What kind of world is this that showing sadness is a sign of weakness. Lately, I have been trying my best to keep it all together, but it's not going as I planned it to go. I have so much class work to do, I don't have time to feel. I wish I could just say "forget this work." I wish I could just go on a retreat with the Lord, and me. I know that wishing, and hoping won't get you anywhere in life.
The enemy strikes us with unexpected tragedy, and we find ourselves on our knee’s with our head on the ground. It’s sad to live in such a cruel world, but we can either throw up our white flags, and give in to the devil’s dirty deeds, or we can get back up on our feet, and trust that God will save us…then that’s what we must do. Let’s show who has strength and power, and love that will never faultier. I can simply continue to complain about the pain in my life, or I can speak out to God, and to you. I hope you understand that I don't speak out very often. Yes, in my poetry, but like this, no. The truth is that we will never grow as a people if we don't have Love. Without love who are we? There are millions of questions that swim around in my head, yet my mouth just won't come out with any of them. Only God knows! For me to say that I will be fine is out of my hands. I just want to be positive, and say that these events in our lives are there to make us stronger in the Lord, to help us grow as loving Christians. I just hope that we understand that. Don't worry, about a thing, because every little thing is gonna be alright.
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~Denise G~