JACK'S BLOG

It must be your picture. It must be your eye’s. I’m sinking in. I’ll never be able to forget. It must be for real. Because now I can feel. Because I’m crying. I’m out of my mind. I’m out of my head. I don’t know why. It’s not my time. It was not your time. I don’t want to miss you. I never want to let go. I don’t want to forget. I did not want to turn my cheek. Now that your gone, I’m alone all the time. I could have been easier on you. I could have said I loved you more. I wait alone, letting days go by. I wait alone, but this ache is still here. I needed you more than ever. I need you now more than ever. I needed your touch. I need your smile. It’s so strange how this life can change. It’s so strange how our lives changed. Everything I knew turned on it’s head. Everything we knew turned away. All of a sudden everything is gone. All of a sudden you were gone. Please show me the light! Please Reign on me!

My dreams are a sick joke, they taunt me. Even in my dreams I know that I'm an idiot that's about to wake up to reality. I can walk forever, but I still end up on the pavement. I tell myself what to dream, but it never works. My dreams start off wonderful, but before I wake they turn to nightmares. I try to fly across the beautiful blue sky, but I always fall. Everything is so clear my head is a mess. Why am I always hoping that everything will be alright. Why do I believe that this will be better in a different light. Life can be so cruel to me, and their is nothing I can do. I hate being trapped in this careless depression. I hate being the one that gets hit with this pain. My Life is a trick gone horrible wrong, they all laugh at me. I try to wake up with out breathing so heavy, but I have no control. Even in my dreams I'm the center of this waste. I don't want to taste this pain anymore. I don't want to walk with this mask on my face. I don't want to be the ...

I guess I’m not that person, that friend that someone would want to hang around with. I must be to nice and silent. I guess the truth is that people like loud fucking assholes. I’m just to shy to show my true fucking colors, to the people that are around me. Let me be that prick that nobody likes. I can be an arrogant dick if they really want. I can scream at the top of my lungs at everyone that steps in my fucking way. It’s really great when someone is an asshole to me, and I have the brains to hold my tongue and say nothing at all. Why do I have to be the one that is the Grown Up? Why can’t I have any fun? Everything is very simple I’m the nice guy, I’m the hard worker, I’m the professional. Nobody likes the good guy, The guy that does not drink, The guy the works his hardest so his future family does not have to struggle like he did. This is the guy that would do anything to help out a true friend, but nobody talks to him because he is see through. I can speak!, I can Bleed!, please...

From the strength of what is within I will promise you that I will bleed, sweat tears for you the one I’m waiting for. Just remember that forever means nothing to me. I can wait for us! I can sit for this! I will give up everything for you! I’ll leave it all behind. What about now? What the hell am I going to do today, stand up and fight or lay down and die? What the hell am I suppose to do now? Where am I suppose to go from here? I can never be the one that everyone expects me to be. I talk about the good times, but they are honestly killing me from deep inside. I try at the best of my ability to keep this anger at bay. I don’t want to be this way any more. How come I can’t find my way down this dirt filled path. Why is everything in my life so damn difficult? You see these eyes, but there is nothing but hurt inside. I do have the strength to act like everything is alright, but when I’m alone I fall apart. There is nobody in my life right now that can help me pick up these pieces. I w...

I have been reading Steven King's After Sunset Stories, but it started off with a story about a group of ghost that don't realize that they are dead. They believe that they are waiting for a train, but what really happened was that there was a crash and they were killed. The main character loses is wife and he goes looking for her. Wait! you should read it yourself it's called "Willa" I think that I'm combining to different stories, I don't want to confuse you. This is a really good story. There is so much to read that I want to read it all, but I don't have the time any more. All I do now is read for school, and only for school. Not much time to write my idea's out on paper. I always wanted to write a short story about a killer clown that eats people, or a crazy swat officer that snaps and kills everyone around him. The number one thing that I wanted to write was the transformation of a human to a vampire. Now I wrote some stories, but I didn'...

Isolated Incident

I can feel that this wait is killing me, it's driving me insane. This pain is making me sick. Only six more months, but all I can do is wait. Only six more months! Only SIX MORE MONTHS! That's a long fucking time to be waiting for something. The only thing that I thought of doing was to keep myself busy every single day until then. If not then I'm going to start thinking about that day. Well that will just tear me up inside. I remember a week ago when I got back home to NC after the second day home I start to realize that this will be a long wait, a long fucking boring wait to leave this hell hole. I going crazy and it only as been a week. This is going to be a long wait! I haven't even gotten my script yet, but I guess that can just wait and wait. Everything I get into is a big waiting game. I started to play basketball again and even that is a big waiting game until I'm good again. I don't know what the next couple of months will be about, I don't know i...

Wow! it's 2009 already, I'm still shocked! Well I went to my home of Buffalo, NY for the holidays. I was there for only 13 days, but I really wish I could have stayed longer. I took a bus that took 22 hours. That will be one of the things I will never want to do again. I mean that was hell. Besides all of that I'm back to my crap life. Well it's not all that bad, but I think I'm ready for a change. I started my last semester at COA, and I can't wait until it's over. WOW! this really does suck. I can remember as a kid saying this same thing about school. I guess that I will always hate school. I made a joke on the way home to NC and I thought it was pretty funny. I said that I was driving to my brokenness, not much but it is so true. I haven't time since I got home to really sit down and write something good. I really liked how I lashed out that last time. I hate being afraid to say what's on my mind, so I think that I'm going to speak louder now....

I fall to the ground each day. Crawling on my knees to plead for you. I show my face through this empty glass. I can't stand much longer. I'm falling for the last time. Please let me say what needs to be said. This pain is tearing a hole in my head. The pounding keeps me up again. No sleep for the broken me. I have forgiven you since I was a child. I'm the only to blame, I walked away. The feelings are bottled up in me. I can't escape, it pushes me down. This silence gets us nowhere. The truth is that Angels are meant to fly, and Devils are meant to fall. I have been blind, but know I've opened my eyes. I buried this hate, and filled it with love. Now I stand needing you the most. I can't see what's in front of me. I can't believe that my dreams aren't real. I'm wishing you were here, my weakness is my fear. Everytime memory hits me it drops with a tear. I hope your ready to respond. I'm still awake today. I wish it w...

I can say that I'm fine again, but many words that I speak don't seem to come true. I could be just like you, but these dreams will never come true. I could be all alone, but I would never survive this worthless world. I can run away, but this pain will always follow by my side. I can say a lot of things, but that doesn't mean that anyone would listen. I can walk up right, but that doesn't mean that I won't be thrown to the ground. I still have so much to lose, I don't know what to do. I can say that I'm fine again, but my words might be lies. I'm going to be fine, One day, Too Late, I'm in hell.