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What I'm Feeling, Today!

From the strength of what is within I will promise you that I will bleed, sweat tears for you the one I’m waiting for. Just remember that forever means nothing to me. I can wait for us! I can sit for this! I will give up everything for you! I’ll leave it all behind. What about now? What the hell am I going to do today, stand up and fight or lay down and die? What the hell am I suppose to do now? Where am I suppose to go from here? I can never be the one that everyone expects me to be. I talk about the good times, but they are honestly killing me from deep inside. I try at the best of my ability to keep this anger at bay. I don’t want to be this way any more. How come I can’t find my way down this dirt filled path. Why is everything in my life so damn difficult? You see these eyes, but there is nothing but hurt inside. I do have the strength to act like everything is alright, but when I’m alone I fall apart. There is nobody in my life right now that can help me pick up these pieces. I wish I could find that person, but I guess for now I’ll continue to fall. I keep walking in a big circle, but I have a hard time figuring out which direction I’m going. I’m tired of being the guy that falls behind. I’m tired of being the guy that gets stumped on, kicked and beaten. What do I have to do to get over this loneness? What to do when everything is going wrong? I remember these days I used to have where I had this smile on my face and nothing could break that. Each day that hope goes away. I remember when everything would just fall in place now everything falls to waste. I’m hoping that one day my heart won’t beat so fast, I’m hoping that one day I could breathe much easier. I wish I could walk without worry, I wish I could run without falling down on my face. I remember when I was young and I didn’t have to worry about brain numbing heart ache. I wish I could say no!, I wish I could walk away. I wish I could stand tall, but I’m so used to having my head down. I wish I had someone to believe in, I wish I could be someone that somebody would believe in. I wish I could just block these thoughts. I wish I could hold these words, but they leak out anyway. Why do I feel? I could look in your direction for so long, but I’m still blind. I am stronger, but just not today! Why should I not drink these pains away? Why should I not end this day? This to a mother! This to a father! I did my best, so hate me if you want. Remember this face, laugh, smile, cry and then just say goodbye. I can continue to say that everything is fine, but that would be a lie. I do have so much more to learn, but there is to much to lose.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I may just be shtting myself here,
but I honestly think right now may be the perfect time to lock yourself in the bathroom, and just.. yell.
Hear yourself. Soak in the echoes.
Let your face turn red, watch the veins pop.

It feels fucking amazing.
January 17, 2009 at 11:44 PM
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