Wow! it's 2009 already, I'm still shocked! Well I went to my home of Buffalo, NY for the holidays. I was there for only 13 days, but I really wish I could have stayed longer. I took a bus that took 22 hours. That will be one of the things I will never want to do again. I mean that was hell. Besides all of that I'm back to my crap life. Well it's not all that bad, but I think I'm ready for a change. I started my last semester at COA, and I can't wait until it's over. WOW! this really does suck. I can remember as a kid saying this same thing about school. I guess that I will always hate school. I made a joke on the way home to NC and I thought it was pretty funny. I said that I was driving to my brokenness, not much but it is so true. I haven't time since I got home to really sit down and write something good. I really liked how I lashed out that last time. I hate being afraid to say what's on my mind, so I think that I'm going to speak louder now. How many people are really reading this blog? As far as I know there is 1-5 people that really read this blog. What can I say life is hard, and you never know what is going to hit you in the side of the face next. I know that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I feel that moving is the best thing for me, and I can't wait until it happens. I already know that the grass is the same fucking shit brown on the other side as it is on this side, but believing that there is something else out there is hope. Knowing that family is there for me and I can speak to them about my difficulties, they might not be able to tell me how to handle it, but they are willing to help me through the pain.
I'm losing a little bit of me inside. All of the breakdowns drive them to hide. I'm wandering around hoping to find something that will never be true. My mind is spinning away from me. I can't see what's in front of me. I tried to be someone else, but the pain doesn't go nowhere else. I WANT TO BREAK!! I want to fall to my knee's. I want to scream out loud. I can't take this anymore. I'm stuck in this hole, and there is nobody to dig me out. With my back up against the wall, I can't see my dreams when your standing in my way. I'm staring at the future begging for the past. I know the good times, but they don't ever last. I WANT TO BREAK!! I want to fall to the floor. I want to scream out loud. I don't think I can take this anymore! My heart is still beating, but my breathing is getting weaker with all of this weight on top of my chest. I keep on fighting these angels wrestling these demons to the ground. I keep on walking until I los...
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