Skip to main content

Waiting, Waiting, and Waiting!

I can feel that this wait is killing me, it's driving me insane. This pain is making me sick. Only six more months, but all I can do is wait. Only six more months! Only SIX MORE MONTHS! That's a long fucking time to be waiting for something. The only thing that I thought of doing was to keep myself busy every single day until then. If not then I'm going to start thinking about that day. Well that will just tear me up inside. I remember a week ago when I got back home to NC after the second day home I start to realize that this will be a long wait, a long fucking boring wait to leave this hell hole. I going crazy and it only as been a week. This is going to be a long wait! I haven't even gotten my script yet, but I guess that can just wait and wait. Everything I get into is a big waiting game. I started to play basketball again and even that is a big waiting game until I'm good again. I don't know what the next couple of months will be about, I don't know if this could be the best days, or most likely the worst days. I can't see so clearly anymore. I feel like I'm just following the crowd, and not asking any questions. When am I ever going to break free from this torment? When will I live for me, and not for the selfish? When can I be the one that can lead this family? I'm just the one that falls behind. I wish I could find something that I can believe in? Is everything fake? Everyone I talk to are so fucking fake I can see it in there eyes, but what can I say I'm the same way. I'm more broken then they are. I can't walk on water no I just sink. Waiting is the worst and there is nothing I can do to change that.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Warning Sign to a Lost Connection

I'm losing a little bit of me inside. All of the breakdowns drive them to hide. I'm wandering around hoping to find something that will never be true. My mind is spinning away from me. I can't see what's in front of me. I tried to be someone else, but the pain doesn't go nowhere else. I WANT TO BREAK!! I want to fall to my knee's. I want to scream out loud. I can't take this anymore. I'm stuck in this hole, and there is nobody to dig me out. With my back up against the wall, I can't see my dreams when your standing in my way. I'm staring at the future begging for the past. I know the good times, but they don't ever last. I WANT TO BREAK!! I want to fall to the floor. I want to scream out loud. I don't think I can take this anymore! My heart is still beating, but my breathing is getting weaker with all of this weight on top of my chest. I keep on fighting these angels wrestling these demons to the ground. I keep on walking until I los...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Weight

rain falls from the blackness in the sky, the water soaks the earth. here we stay a float, but slowly we are drowning. the mud grabs us by the ankles, pulling us into the ground. everyday is a struggle to move. With all of these days, we carry out this weight, walking closer to the pavement. we tippy toe across the marsh, crashing faster each time. crushed to our knees, our hearts slow to a beat. we question our strength, savoring every last drop, like the very last scotch. and at the end of the day, when the moon covers the view. your soft hand pressures, then squeeze’s these muscles and slowly cracks the bones, you push down upon me, I pray you don’t break me. With all the pain and agony, we continue to push forward, but we question our lives, always struggling to stand up straight. fearing our inevitable fate. carrying this horrible weight. Note; In all honesty this is about the world and the struggle to live, have faith in God, but the weight some t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Where I Belong

It is such a marvelous light, This beautiful ray still shines during, The darkest part of the night. How selfish are we to take what isn't ours, We build on the beauty of your world. We take down trees and burn them to the ground. We turn what is rightfully yours into a wasteland. We dig until we can’t stand anymore, And we blame you for our mistakes. We are abusing what was once beautiful. I will follow your beauty to the edge, And when I know where you are, it is where I want to be. When I don’t know where you are, you are where I belong. Here I am breathing just to breathe, I am dreaming just to dream. So quick to take advantage of all you give me. Here I hurt because she has hurt me, And I bleed because he has cut me. I am so quick to blame everyone else. Here I am fearing just to fear him, I stay awake because I believe I am free, And do what I want because I think I have the control, But you’re the only one to put me in ...
Post a Comment
Read more