JACK'S BLOG

Life drains the blood from my heart. Try sleeping on this bed of nails, I am the first to fall apart. I am the first to go insane. Always the first to take these pills. Needing me to save the world, And I drift alone on this river. I need no help, your not here. I'll pull myself out of this burning building. I don't need you, I stand alone. My heart hurts when your standing behind me putting this knife in me. I was the last one to make you hate me. Don't worry your not here any ways. There is nothing left to save. My bones are ashes in this burning building. Don't worry you are never here. No help, No worry. There is nothing left to save. I'm leaving, but I am stronger. I'm tired of carrying this pain. My mind is weak. I don't need your help when your never here. Try sleeping in this broke casket. I am the first to break away. I am the first to crack. I don't need you no more. There is nothing left to save. Your just causing me pain.

I walk with worry filled with stress. I create everything good and turn it to chaos. I hold my pain and never let go. I am to scared of all of it. I do everything wrong. I want to cover my face forever. I can't breath when I am alone. How long do I have to wait? I just want to be me again. I want to know how to take it all away. How long will I be picking up these pieces? How long will I be picking up my heart? It just gets harder, but the truth is; I'm the lair I'm a dream I'm no reality I'm just anger I'm always the hated I'm the hidden I'm the joke I'm a fake I'm the scared I'm the weak I'm the laughed at I'm the air out the window. I'm the reflection in the mirror. I'm the voice in my head. I'm the darkness under the bed. I'm the monster up the stairs. I'm the emptiness in your closet. I'm the answer to the riddle. I'm what you fear. Knowing this it's still in my blood. My words won't change ...

I have these crazy thoughts of walking so difficult on these broken feet and everything gets in my way. I mean just the people I never want to talk too, but I am forced to speak words. These days it’s hard to wake up sane there is just to many people in my way to the finish line of life. My goal is to be creative in every aspect of my horrible life. Maybe I can shed some blood on my pain. I want to be the one at the top of my game. I want to be the one at the top of this hill. It looks like a pretty day today. Just rain? no sign of sunshine through those dark grey clouds. The cold chill of the breeze remains me of my poor crap of a life. I can proudly say that I am a fake to everyone I have conversation with. I kind of like that nobody knows the inter me, the darkness in this shell. It’s like a game how long can I keep this smile on my face before someone finds out that it’s fake. For the past couple of months I have had a lot of questions about my situation. Which is? I’m broke beyond...

Today is the last Sunday. Of all of the things considered, God can't save us now! Of all these blood wars, Fight to death life. The rich rage war, While the poor suffer. All the fathers and sons lost forever. All they do is look down, Laugh, and point who's next? Not caring of the struggling families Of this nation. The truth is that there is blood on the money, We could fight back? We need to hold on! A bloody bullet to our backs, yet this Is just a metaphor to the millions. No sun will shine with the sky blood red, millions dead. Nothing Said! Just keep sending dead bodies to the war. Thanks for nothing!

I am a joke to everyone because they take nothing from me seriously. Am I really that bad of a person or is that just what the voice in my head tells me? I walk around all day waiting for some thing to happen, but oddly enough it's all boring. I can't take anymore of this hurt. These cuts are getting deep. Today I am looking for my blade, so I can cut my way through this pain. It is easy to hate myself when my mouth stays shut when I need it the most. I can't walk away from this anymore I am broken into pieces. Please don't listen, and remember to turn your head. Please ignore my words and walk away. Why do I have to be the one to lose everything? Why do I have to be the one with know one? I can see everything that is in front of me. It is touchable in my eyes, but the reality is that it's breakable. Stupid me to believe that something in my life was exactly real. Today I am losing my mind, and there is nothing I can say or do to make my head from st...

I'm trapped in this deep depression reaching for air in the bottomless tank. Will I ever see clearly through this broken glass? I believe everything that I can see is real. I hate everything I know to be fake. Words form at the top of my tongue. Cutting me like a razor blade. They just slip out with no warning, or hesitation. Can you hear my voice because my face is covered by this mask? I can scream as loud as I can it won't come off. Now with nothing inside it falls off with ease. I just want to be human. I don't want to be fucked up. I am alive! I can breathe heavy spitting out slaughter. Please cover your ears because what you will hear is not for this fair tale land. Please cover your eyes because there will be blood. I'll dirty these hands from the blood of my demons. They can say they hate me, but I'll cut their throats. I can't stop this sickness in my veins. I can't stop this thrill for the kill. I can't stop slicing the evil...

This nose bleeds every time these words hit the page. This is nothing but headaches and the worst pain. I’m miles away from where my head should be. I really have no idea where my head is. It is hard to talk and be miserable at the same time. I like to be another nobody, running away from a disappointment person. I can speak in sentences, I can lie to everyone. It shows in my dazed eyes ,I hate my truth. All I know is to put on this smile, it’s what I do. My knee’s shake so bad I can’t stand for the ignorant. I’m just a little boy lost in the darkness of life. I walk on my failure and bathe in my pain. I know how to fall to pieces, again, and again. I’m just as sick as these thoughts in my head. I’m all that is wrong with this life, and That is all that I will ever be.

"I'm not sure what I am....I just know that there is something dark in me, and I hide it. I certainly don't talk about it, but it's there. Always this dark passenger, and when he his driving, I feel alive- Half sick with thrill....... complete wrongness. I don't fight him. I don't want to. He's all I've got, Nothing else could love me. Not even, especially not me, or is that just a lie that the dark passenger tells me? Because lately, there are these moments where I feel connected to something else, someone. It's like the mask is slipping and things, people that never mattered before......are starting to matter. It scares the hell out of me." ~Dexter Season 2~ " I'm seriously disturbed playing with sharp tools that don't belong to me. I have such great idea's. Maybe this will give me some kind of release. How can I be so sure that killing is going to refurbish this smile that disappeared so long ago. What gives me the right to...