The truth is that I can’t stop thinking about this girl “My Ex”. At first it went away for about a month. It got to a point where I didn’t need her anymore. I was happy and moving on. Now she is all I think about every single second of everyday. She is what I dream about. To be honest I can’t take it anymore! I could end my life today because I am tired of the torture. We can’t be friends and I understand that now. I can’t stand the sight of her it eats me up inside that I can‘t be with her. Hearing her laugh, seeing her smile kills me. Maybe it will be easier to say goodbye if I just found someone else and had sex with them? I think I understand why Men after being dumped have no feelings and they just find a replacement. It is much easier than begging for her back. Trust me! don’t do that, it just makes everything worse when she rejects you again. See the problem is not that she was my first love in my life. I believed that she was put into my life from God. That is more devastating then anything else. I was wrong! Plus she lied about loving me for four months and then she had sex with another guy. This is the girl that told me she was committed on waiting to have sex until she was married. Yet the guy she had sex with just dumped his girlfriend after four years. So what I said is true! Guys after a break-up find a replacement right away. In this case he wanted sex and did it with “My Ex” “The Virgin” and she fell madly in love with him, but he just wanted sex and dumped her. He is now jumping from girl to girl without any emotion at all. My question is, is that the way it ends up being after you get your heart stabbed? I mean I’ve tried to be nice to “My Ex“, but it’s hard. “By the way, He is not coming back to you girl, and you know how I know because you showed me that, remember? Please for your own good stop looking for answers. Stop looking for some possible way that he didn’t mean what happened.” The truth is that it hurts ten times worse when you find out that “she is a lying, cheating, drunk whore.” You get it in your head that maybe, just maybe they didn’t mean it and they are that great person that you were in love with in the beginning. Trust me when it turns out to be false you start questioning everything. “Who is that girl? Is that the same person I once loved? I was in love with that?” “Save yourself the trouble and just go in your room and cry your eyes out. Pray to God. Keep God number One.” I felt the need to want her back. I just believed so badly that she was everything I was looking for in a women. I mean I knew she was the one when we talked on facebook for the first time. I guess I have to take the facts that I found out to my heart. 1.) There was no spark between us since the beginning. 2.) She never had feelings for me, just pity. 3.) She most likely dated me to get over her last boyfriend (which his name was also Chris.) 4.) She brought up Kids and Marriage to keep her wanting something in the relationship. 5.) She fell out of Love with me. 6.) I was depressed the whole relationship. 7.) She wasn’t attracted to me anymore. 8.) She felt sorry for me and just wanted to help me.(She likes helping people; “Sorry girl that is not the way to help people.”) I mean there was a lot more that happened. I didn’t think that someone could lie that much in just four months. Yes, I handled the break-up completely wrong! I know now for the next time. I don’t care who you are and how many times you can tell me that all I wanted was that situation. You can say I wanted that life style. I have read in books and they keep saying that “I only loved the hopes and dreams.” The truth is that I loved the girl, and I would have done anything for her. So everyone can stop telling me: 1.) That she was to young. 2.) That I only wanted a family. 3.) That I only loved her because she was my first love. These are all lies. This girl has something beautiful in her that she doesn’t even realize, yet. Yeah, she made some bad decisions, but who doesn’t. She just can’t find who she is right now, or what she wants, but I can see it already. She is so blind, but it is not up to me to tell her, she has to find it herself and that could take a couple years. Of course I tried to get her back, I tried to keep in connected, but I guess it just doesn’t work that way. All I can say is if God wants us together. He will put us together. I have forgiven her for what she has done. As mean as I could have been about the whole situation, even when she rubbed it in my face that she had sex with another guy. I still had the strength to me kind and nice. I love her has a person. I hope one day she will realize that. Until then I am going out in the world and I am going to learn. First stop is NY. Please don't do what I did. I handled it wrong! Run away from that other person. Don't seek out anwsers!
rain falls from the blackness in the sky, the water soaks the earth. here we stay a float, but slowly we are drowning. the mud grabs us by the ankles, pulling us into the ground. everyday is a struggle to move. With all of these days, we carry out this weight, walking closer to the pavement. we tippy toe across the marsh, crashing faster each time. crushed to our knees, our hearts slow to a beat. we question our strength, savoring every last drop, like the very last scotch. and at the end of the day, when the moon covers the view. your soft hand pressures, then squeeze’s these muscles and slowly cracks the bones, you push down upon me, I pray you don’t break me. With all the pain and agony, we continue to push forward, but we question our lives, always struggling to stand up straight. fearing our inevitable fate. carrying this horrible weight. Note; In all honesty this is about the world and the struggle to live, have faith in God, but the weight some t...
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