JACK'S BLOG

So why do we run away? I mean I felt that there were plenty of times I just wanted to run from me. I wasn’t mad at her I was angry at me. I made these god awful choices and now I am living with the results. There are so many times where I was angry with myself, but believed so much that she made this bed and now I have to rest in it. What do I know, really? I have no idea what she is feeling right now. That makes everything all the more difficult. I do have a brain. I think that she is either feeling horrible about everything that she has done, and she is burying herself away. Then again I feel like she doesn’t really give a shit anymore and has forgotten the whole situation and has moved on. Here I am stuck in the past bring up these problems that nobody cares about anymore, but that’s my big point. Why can everyone just walk away and I am trapped in this endless pain? I dream of you draped in wires, Hoping that you would spill all the blood that I inspire. Can you see my meaningless...

I always feel as if I could just control where this ruin down bus is going, but it takes me hundreds of times just to realize that I am just a passenger. How easy would it be for me to just run from this constant pain? But I already know it won’t ever go away until I deal with it. Until I can face the person that craved this into my heart. It takes two people to tango. She won’t seem to write her side. I think she’s loving the whole run and hide part, but she is young. She doesn’t yet realize that pain will follow you like a black cloud. I can recall at one point I was trying to explain this to her whether she heard me or not is up to her. There are always times where I feel like I can understand the point of view of another person. It takes while, but I get it. There is no possible way to look from there eyes. It doesn’t matter how hard you try. Just another reason to bring up the same old problems. In this time loop that my brain is trapped in I wanted to believe in anything that cov...

Whispering just a little bit of deceit into the back of my ear. How can I believe in anything that I hear? I mean I am wishing that I could just go back to the fun days. The days where everything moved so freely, but I am trapped in my own living hell. How can I break this losing streak? I feel like I lost all hope, and I’m having a very difficult time finding it again. Maybe I just ran into it by fate like day dreaming everything was perfect. I mean everything! I was the happiest I have ever been. Then out nowhere it was gone. Stolen from me. Like my heart was ripped out of my chest. Ever since that happened It feels as if I have been on a wacky roller coaster ride that ends with me puking my brains all over the floor. I want to get off, but the lies have blinded me and I won’t know where to go. So here I am wishing and begging for this hope to return. To be what it once was to me. Of course I live in reality and that won’t happen because this isn’t fairy tale land. Lets just say that...

So, my computer has a virus and it sucks! It's called Trojan-BNK.Win32.keylogger.gen, so watch out for that. I got it just by surfing the web. I believe I was looking for free podcasts for my iPod. I have been working to get rid of it for the past two days. Talk about a pain in the ass. Besides that I'm traveling north to Buffalo, Ny tomorrow and I might be there for awhile. Finally a new place. I am tired of this town. I'm glad to move away for awhile. I like change, but I can't say I love it. Of course there are somethings I'll miss. Like family, friends, the best church in the world. I guess that's life you move around, and for me I don't mind moving around. One of these days I would like to travel around to see new places, and meet new people. Hopefully I'll find some people to come along. I'm so excited! I have been planning this for about a year now. I was going to go sooner, but there was always money, and relationship problems, but all that i...