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Sharing From My Heart Is All That I Have Left

I feel like everything that has been built up so steady can come tumbling down at any moment, and there is nothing were can do to change that from happening. So many people are trapped in there ways. I already know how to be buried so deep that I had no more air left for me to breathe. I wish I could say that it was pleasant, but it wasn't. I know what it feels to have something so real in my hands, and have that ripped away. It's heartbreaking, but God showed me through it. I struggled, I suffered, I felt all the pain that I wished didn't exist. The truth is that you can wish, and you can hope all that you want, but unless you take it to God nothing will ever change. I do wish for the easiest path to take, but sometimes it's better to go down that beaten path. It makes you stronger physical and emotional. I so badly just want to slip out all of the truth to the people that have hurt me in the past, but I've learned from my mistakes that it won't change what happened to me. I just have to expect what happened, and move on completely. I regret everyday that I shared my soul to a person, and all of the horrible things that we did. What can I say! I want to take them all back. My regrets are like cuts they won't heal, and the pain is all I feel.
Doesn’t it always seem to be alright to fight for something that digs into you so deep. I mean it has this grip on you, this pull that you never want to let go. You wouldn’t have ever imagine it to just let go. Then one day those glass memories shatter all over the dirty floor. You wish you could clean it all up, but the glass cuts you every time you try to make a move. Escaping them seems to be impossible. Scars don’t erase, or magically heal over night. Stitches don’t always hold those scars closed, and you can never just hide them away because somebody will point them out.
I guess after all of this pain there is some sort of bright light behind it all. I always seem to look for the good in people, but I don't see it in myself anymore. I try to be honest, and sincere. I try to be nice, and not blow up on people. I guess I am trying way to hard. I don't need to be this saint, or this perfect person. God made me who I am for a reason not to pretend to be somebody else. Of course I understand that there are things I can do, and there are things that I need to shy away from. The question is how do I hold this anger at bay? I surrender everything to God, but it sometimes it feels like the Devil has this hold over me, and every time this subject is brought up I fall back into my horrible sin.
Lately I have been feeling so lonely that I can't even stand to face myself. I can't stand to look myself in the mirror because it just brings up all the bad memories. Sometimes I go to sleep and I pray that someone will come into my life, but I guess that was just a dream. I wish God was here holding my hand, and giving me advice. I wish I could share my soul with him like he was a person. I feel so bad that I don't have anyone else to let inside besides him.

Note: I know that God is always there, and I do share everything with him. What I am trying to say is that I wish I had a person I can share with like I do with God.

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