Loneliness/Renewal

This week I had a really hard time trying to figure out what I was going to write about. I started to write something about sin, and then I wrote something about loneliness. I felt that bringing up something negative would just kill the mood for this month of posts. So I decided to combine both loneliness and renewal since I can relate with both of them in my life at this moment. I wanted to start off by talking about this feeling you get. It’s this feeling where you could have a whole room full of people, and still feel completely alone. I mean not one of those people understand who you are and what you have been through. I am at the point in my life where my trust is on the brink of destruction. I mean I don’t know how to save it from falling off the edge. There are so many times I just wanted to reach out and meet someone, but I have this fear in that they are just going to crush my already shattered heart. I mean I feel like I am fake every day, or just a lair when someone asks me how am I doing. It says in the Bible that we shouldn’t fear. Fear is something from the Devil, and that we should trust in God with all our hearts. Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  I had this idea of just being like every other guy, and shutting down completely and hardening my heart. Of course that was a bad idea because my trust for God is still this beating heart, and it hasn’t skipped a beat. An everyday question I had was how was I going to shake this little feeling? And the truth is I didn’t, it still sticks with me like a cancer, but I for some reason have still put my trust out there. Yes maybe deep down there is this clock that is counting down the days before lies began, but I am honestly hoping I don’t have to be woken up by that alarm. The problem with building trust on top of an already unstable structure is that if the lies and deceit start piling its weight on it’s just going to crumble to the ground, so please walk carefully. 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”  This verse makes so much sense to me. I mean the reason I have so much fear is because of my life. I mean every door of love I open it just gets slammed right back in my face. How could I possible know what loves is? I mean love isn’t lies behind the back, or hiding behind a message.

Well part two of this post is about renewal. Well the only place I know love from is God. Is that the only place I need it? As Christians we are called to love one another. So, after all the pain heartbreak, sadness, loneliness, and fear what is next? Maybe it’s that time were you just want to restart, and it is possible. We make so many mistakes during the day and we feel horrible about them. Most people compile things up for an entire year, and then feel that it’s their fresh start when the ball finally drops. The truth is because Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross for our sins we are forgiven, so every day is a fresh start. It’s weird for me that last year all the really good things in my life shattered before the New Year which technically didn’t give me a new start but a new way at looking at life. Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”  When I was finally open to the possibility of my heart actually shattering, again things really changed. I started to dig deeper and I found out that if love shatters than it wasn’t really love. I learned that if someone is scared to tell you something important about your future than that isn’t really love. I don’t really know what that is maybe that is just a sign that the ride is over, and it is time to get off. “Nothing is set in stone.” I read something like this and I can’t help but think that isn’t love set in stone? If God is all powerful, all mighty and he has the ability to live for all eternity, then isn’t love set? What I circled around in this month is love because it should be in every part of our lives. No matter what view I look at it, I don’t see how hiding, faking and lying has anything to do with love. I bring this up because you can’t have a new start without love, and sometimes it’s just hard when you can’t trust. The renewal starts when you can call out all of your feelings about what had happened and say goodbye. I mean I make mistakes every day, and nobody is perfect, but I am grateful I can wake up the next morning and be able to forget about my mistakes, and start again. Psalm 51:12 “Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.”  I hope that all who is reading this can put aside all of this worldly stuff and put Christ first and get to truly feel what it is like to be Renewed.