JACK'S BLOG

I can feel the tension in my lips as I speak the truth.. that your just here to keep me begging on my knee's. I feel the cracking in my bones as they straiten out. The sweat drips off of my forehand like a flowing river. So yes, I have been worrying that my time is coming to an end, and I am losing everyone that I hold dear to my heart. I can feel my muscles move back and forth.. My tears never seem to fade away. The truth is we are both living in our fear. and we can't help but running scared. I am living my nightmares. I am on the edge, and I just want to get down. I can hear my heart beating as fast as it can, the breeze blows in my hair. and I could care less. If I fell to heaven... and all your scars would be healed, would you be there when they buried my flesh? I can see the ground as it gets closer to me. I can taste the blood that soaks in my mouth. I know this is what you want, this funeral will keep us apart. So I can soar like a bird, and I c...

I just want to fly home never looking back. another day away from you is my greatest of fears, and I am standing in the fire burning for my many sins, so, you win.  I can no longer let you in,  but I can still let you down.  I feel like every chance I get I know how to ruin it.  I've never felt so hollow.  I am an old abandoned church with broken pews and empty aisles.  Here are my confessions.  This doubt is drowning me.  Here is to being silent.. I wish they could develop a cure that would wash out my memories of you.  But all I can see is your beautiful smile, and I have been hurting for awhile. So here is my cross it lays on top of my chest, but the knife still spins inside my heart. I am walking so close to the edge I could jump, and even when the sun is shining the tears are still falling. I am failing in all the categories, and most days I wish the lights would turn off. I hope that one day I could get out fr...

You are nothing but a dream, I can't help but look to you... but nothing is as it seems. Your beauty still burns bright inside of me, and for the life of me I don't want to let go. We used to be so young, How did we get so old? I am still standing here waiting, but your image won't stop fading. I wish I could listen to what you were saying. No matter how much blood has spilled, I will never leave against my will. Each day I can see your face, Makes my eyes fill. My body is sick for a fixing, and you are the only one that knows who I am. Still wishing you would come back to me, Still wishing I could end this horrible dream, the dream where you are away from me. Still wishing you could see me. I pray that you would believe in me. I pray that this won't be our end.

Well, this shovel won't take my emptiness away, And I have survived the memory of us.  But I am burying my broken heart,  Is there a remedy for hating myself?  See me take another hit,  Here let me take another sip.  Watch as I slip down what these eyes see as fit.  Couldn't this happiness just have lasted?  but I wasted it so fast. I could be this so called bad man, From what it looks like he is not my biggest of fans. Well, these pills don't seem to rid this headache, Sleep doesn't come easy and it is hell when I wake. and if it makes you less sad I will start acting my age, and I will keep out of your way. So here is the stage and the spotlights are on bright. I am fighting the good fight, but I am slowly losing my sight. I think you will always see you as right.  You were just an angel in hiding, and I was the devil in plain sight.

It has been a struggle for the least part, but I think I see the problems I have created more clearly now. For is to be something I already knew and not seeing it is kind of sad. I mean I could have learned this and be done with it by now. The truth is I have been heartbroken for a long time now, and I have missed someone dearly in my life, but somewhere along the line I forget that this isn’t my life. I forgot it isn’t about me fighting tooth and nail for someone that doesn’t want anything to do with me. I see how easy it is to get distracted, and how much pain it can cause. I am sure I am not the only person that has been through this, but I am telling you that even if you are not a believer please stop before you are so far gone you forget who you are. From what I remember I was happy, and I was finally moving on, but this has defiantly been a setback. I am not one to claim it was “the devil” because honestly I did this. I looked into her eyes and decided I wasn’t giving up no ...

       So these are the days of our lives where we are supposed to take pride in all the choices we have made this far. We we are not supposed to doubt. "we are to young to doubt" These days are just another way we can show that this life we have is so beautiful and perfect in God's eyes. At the end of the day what are we supposed to think when everything that we have loved comes crumbling down, and you find yourself tripping over your own feet? Where is God when you can't even control the direction you are to go? We are supposed to be strong and have faith in God and all that he wants for our lives. We are supposed to give him everything that is ours in surrender. I understand why we need to struggle, but I don't get why we need to be completely heart broken. How can love this great and powerful thing when it's lost turn us from the good guy to the enemy? We can grow up being so pure but then we are launched into this sickness disease that infects everythin...

I never thought after months of trying to piece back together my life that things can possibly go alright again. In the last couple of years I have certainly experienced my share of bad news. I just never thought that a horrible disaster could possible happen to become whole again. But the question is, is it really coming to be back to normal or is it just all a dream? I have had my share of those as well. It could just be a figment of my imagination something that looks good, but it really is the start to something bad. A couple of weeks ago a friend came up to me after I passed him as I was taking a walk and he asked if I believe that God has control of the path I am on. Without thinking about it much I shook my head up and down, and said yes. Later on the way back from the walk I started to think about it. I have been through a lot in the last couple of years. Was it God pulling the strings to form me into something more? The truth was I couldn’t really explain the way I feel or w...