It has been a struggle for the least part, but I think I see the
problems I have created more clearly now. For is to be something I already knew and
not seeing it is kind of sad. I mean I could have learned this and be done with
it by now. The truth is I have been heartbroken for a long time now, and I have
missed someone dearly in my life, but somewhere along the line I forget that
this isn’t my life. I forgot it isn’t about me fighting tooth and nail for
someone that doesn’t want anything to do with me. I see how easy it is to get
distracted, and how much pain it can cause. I am sure I am not the only person
that has been through this, but I am telling you that even if you are not a
believer please stop before you are so far gone you forget who you are. From
what I remember I was happy, and I was finally moving on, but this has defiantly
been a setback. I am not one to claim it was “the devil” because honestly I did
this. I looked into her eyes and decided I wasn’t giving up no matter what.
Making the choice was the wrong one from the start because she was never going
to take me back. I thought of all the positives I could think of that could
have happened, but even though I was drowning in negatives I didn’t stop. I
found myself struggling to be myself and then it just hit me. Here I am doing
all that I can to be a better person a better Christian, a better man, but
there she was not changed at all, still falling in the same traps she was when
we were together. I am not her savior. I am nobodies savior and I never will be
that is Jesus’s job, not mine, and for me to continue to try was wrong. It got
to a point where I was slowly getting discouraged. She has to find who she is
and she has to grow up and learn on her own that all that she wants doesn’t matter
because this isn’t her life. I have learned that I am a temple for the Holy Spirit.
I need to be pure, and I need to do everything I can to be like Jesus. It was
never about what we want in this life. One day I hope she could open her eyes
and see that all she wants isn’t that important. We should be living for Christ
first, and putting him first before everything. I learned that I am not in any
position to show her the way of her error even though I care about her and I
want to see her truly happy. It is time to give that up to God and let him
handle it. As for me I need to move on and stop hurting myself with the wrong
expectations in life. God is my light, and I need to shine for him not for some
girl that doesn’t even see who I am anymore. I want to let everyone know that
no matter how many struggles I come face to face with there is always that
light at the end of the tunnel. God is always there for me. I may make the
wrong choices, I may get lost in my sin, but He never gives up on me. I know in
my heart that he won’t give up on you either. If you haven’t accepted Christ
into your heart I challenge you to do so. I challenge you to step out of the
darkness and walk in the light. I was lost before I found Christ and I was
homeless, but God has taken me in and has loved me.
I can say that I'm fine again, but many words that I speak don't seem to come true. I could be just like you, but these dreams will never come true. I could be all alone, but I would never survive this worthless world. I can run away, but this pain will always follow by my side. I can say a lot of things, but that doesn't mean that anyone would listen. I can walk up right, but that doesn't mean that I won't be thrown to the ground. I still have so much to lose, I don't know what to do. I can say that I'm fine again, but my words might be lies. I'm going to be fine, One day, Too Late, I'm in hell.
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