Skip to main content

No More Chasing Ghosts


It has been a struggle for the least part, but I think I see the problems I have created more clearly now. For is to be something I already knew and not seeing it is kind of sad. I mean I could have learned this and be done with it by now. The truth is I have been heartbroken for a long time now, and I have missed someone dearly in my life, but somewhere along the line I forget that this isn’t my life. I forgot it isn’t about me fighting tooth and nail for someone that doesn’t want anything to do with me. I see how easy it is to get distracted, and how much pain it can cause. I am sure I am not the only person that has been through this, but I am telling you that even if you are not a believer please stop before you are so far gone you forget who you are. From what I remember I was happy, and I was finally moving on, but this has defiantly been a setback. I am not one to claim it was “the devil” because honestly I did this. I looked into her eyes and decided I wasn’t giving up no matter what. Making the choice was the wrong one from the start because she was never going to take me back. I thought of all the positives I could think of that could have happened, but even though I was drowning in negatives I didn’t stop. I found myself struggling to be myself and then it just hit me. Here I am doing all that I can to be a better person a better Christian, a better man, but there she was not changed at all, still falling in the same traps she was when we were together. I am not her savior. I am nobodies savior and I never will be that is Jesus’s job, not mine, and for me to continue to try was wrong. It got to a point where I was slowly getting discouraged. She has to find who she is and she has to grow up and learn on her own that all that she wants doesn’t matter because this isn’t her life. I have learned that I am a temple for the Holy Spirit. I need to be pure, and I need to do everything I can to be like Jesus. It was never about what we want in this life. One day I hope she could open her eyes and see that all she wants isn’t that important. We should be living for Christ first, and putting him first before everything. I learned that I am not in any position to show her the way of her error even though I care about her and I want to see her truly happy. It is time to give that up to God and let him handle it. As for me I need to move on and stop hurting myself with the wrong expectations in life. God is my light, and I need to shine for him not for some girl that doesn’t even see who I am anymore. I want to let everyone know that no matter how many struggles I come face to face with there is always that light at the end of the tunnel. God is always there for me. I may make the wrong choices, I may get lost in my sin, but He never gives up on me. I know in my heart that he won’t give up on you either. If you haven’t accepted Christ into your heart I challenge you to do so. I challenge you to step out of the darkness and walk in the light. I was lost before I found Christ and I was homeless, but God has taken me in and has loved me.

      Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Weight

rain falls from the blackness in the sky, the water soaks the earth. here we stay a float, but slowly we are drowning. the mud grabs us by the ankles, pulling us into the ground. everyday is a struggle to move. With all of these days, we carry out this weight, walking closer to the pavement. we tippy toe across the marsh, crashing faster each time. crushed to our knees, our hearts slow to a beat. we question our strength, savoring every last drop, like the very last scotch. and at the end of the day, when the moon covers the view. your soft hand pressures, then squeeze’s these muscles and slowly cracks the bones, you push down upon me, I pray you don’t break me. With all the pain and agony, we continue to push forward, but we question our lives, always struggling to stand up straight. fearing our inevitable fate. carrying this horrible weight. Note; In all honesty this is about the world and the struggle to live, have faith in God, but the weight some t...

If I Could I Would

If I could change a thing, I think I would have changed everything. If I could have known the truth, I would have never been with you. Twenty-five and I am so tired of this childish love, And all the pain that comes along with all its games. Seems such a waste to throw it all away, But I am who I am, like me or not, But you will never be able to change me. The world has its grips on you, And I am no way getting involved. Today could be the greatest of days, But what would you have changed? All of your wrong mistakes, your bad calls, All your fear and lies, Or are you just so selfish inside? If I could change the way we were, I think I would change everything. If I knew the absolute truth about you, I would have never even met you. Twenty-five to life with all that you did, Is this the end of love, should I give up? And here I am stuck with a broken heart, And busted up sight. These days are blurring together, And nothing seems al...

The Longest Day Dream

Is this what it takes to make an illusion, or Will this ever come to be the truth? Why do I do the things I do? Why do I dream of these horrible things? I just want to know your view. It hurts to know what is not meant to be real. It hurts never knowing what will hurt next. I don’t want you to forget about me. I don’t ever want to go far away. I want to stick around forever. I want to stand up and fight. I don’t want to lay down and die. I want to be more than a weird nobody. I can’t breath on my own. I can’t stand on my own to feet. I need you more than I can imagine. Tell me that everything is O.K! I wish I could say that everything is alright. We can run away and live on forever. Where ever I go the pain follows my soul. Please make it go away from here. I want us to be free from this rule. I want us to run and never think again. I feel like this is my dream, and When I wake my smile will disappear. I want to say hey, everything is great! I want to hold you and talk of the good thin...