JACK'S BLOG

W hat if I was crazy? Would you listen to me then? All strung up in your playground, So I talked with a crooked tongue? What would you think of me then? The words pile up inside of me. Sometimes I drown it inside of myself. I take the darkness and I hide away, I make something into nothing I twist my words into worst, And I pay for all it is worth. I am a sinful man. Can I do any worse? As quick as the day becomes night, I lose my footing in this world. those words that come passed my lips Become veil and untrue. God won't you cleanse these opened wounds? Dear everyone that I have ever known, I am sorry for my abuse. I wish you didn't have to pay as well as suffer For my multitude of mistakes. Will you ever forgive me? Here is my sorry heart I place it on my sorry hands again. But what if I was crazy, Would you run away from the sight of me? Would you Condemn me for my sins? What could I do with the pain within?

My eyes are opened wide, And the world is falling to pieces, I feel like sealing my heart completely. The tears still drop towards the ceiling. I wish I could see your beautiful creation again, But everything is still upside down. It’s another fight and one more day on the ground. I can pray for heaven to come raining, But here on earth I am drowning. I can say all the right things, But be misheard by everyone. As I am being pushed out to sea, You’re still out there searching for me. The love you have always strengthens me. And so I step on some toes on my path, And I struggle to trust the people around me, So, I may be losing myself as well, But I know I can never lose your grace. My faith could never change, Even on my worst days.

        Are we really willing to die for our faith? Would we really give up everything and follow Jesus? The more I see Christians I see how not focused they are and how they enjoy materialistic things. It is this topic where I have no room to talk, but I am going to step on some toes. I am not scared to admit that I am one of these Christians that sometimes put materialistic things before God. Each week I try to fast from one of these electronics. I have to ask myself sometimes, "Is this more important than my time with Jesus?" Even though I do sin and put these things before God, and I know that it is wrong in my heart. It is really hard to say No to certain things, but saying No to Jesus is wrong. I want to make it clear that I am not here to point fingers or to show who is bad. I am not here excluding myself because I am just as guilty. "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, o...

Where is the grace in this worn out town? Show me the faith we store up inside. I want to believe in all that is invisible, But there I go questioning again, Falling back to my sorry heart. You do love what I can't understand, But this evil still tears at my heart. I am still wavering, falling apart. You got this light inside of me, But I keep turning the other direction. Lord you have me by my love, Don’t you let go of me ever. Where is the good that fills this city? I want to push all of this bad aside, And I want to abide by your strength. Why do I fight so hard to lose continually? Yes Lord you have my heart, But why do I still sit and wonder? I want to have faith in all that is invisible, I am not invincible, and I break so easily. Can you put your heart outside, So far in the open? Your love is coming I can feel it. Savior won’t you pull me in, away from the wreckage? Lord you have my heart forever.

and so I break to my aching knees, I cry out all of my fears and doubts. so I sometimes lose myself in me, but when I seek for my everything with love that reaches the depths of my soul, Arms that stretch out passed my struggles.  you are the one that always knows, where this life goes. The seeds burst forth into growth, No matter warmth nor cold, it fights through each crushing storm. until sun light breaks the hold, of continuous bad mold. with your glorious light shinning on us, you give us your breath, and show us life. you place your light inside of us, when we let it out it destroys the darkness. So where are you death? Where are you temptation? you no longer belong here. because our God is light, and our God is love. when the broken hearted become, the broke soul, suffering alone. you rise up from the ashes, and you lift us up past the clouds, because your Almighty God.

There was a time when sports consumed my life especially football. I can recall myself writing down NFL team’s schedules and picking my predictions for the weeks to come. After years of watching football I remembered names of the players and their positions, I kept up on news trades, and played fantasy football. I bought all the sports video games. Come Sunday afternoon I was glued to the games that played, but then one day that all changed. It was twelve years of watching football and keeping track of transactions. ( A side note is that I also did the same for Hockey, Basketball, College Basketball, and College football .) I had a serious problem because like I said before it consumed my life. Back in 2010 I woke up one Sunday morning and I didn’t really have an interest in sports. What I mean is, yes I caught a game here in there, but I didn’t follow it like the last 12 years. I mean I could miss a game and not feel completely mortified because everyone else is talking about. I ...

All heads on deck because this ship was meant to sink.  Breathing deeply walking blind into this blood fight.  Their voices slowly faded away in a shouting match.  Waking up again with my throat slit to my confidence.  Open up wide this reality is just a bad f****d up dream.  These memories make me cry the ones I don't remember.  Believe me when I say this train is going nowhere fast.  Yelling words to suffocate to in this shattered broken home.  Only if I can stand when I get back up off my knees.  I'm falling into this white room trapped in my head forever.  I can't run from these cuts and bruises you left to me.  I'm fading into invisible in this empty world.  Staring into my eye's there is too much of nothing.  Living images in this crash course shattered life.  If you could taste what I can feel then you wouldn't forget me.  I'm tripping on something called nothing at all....