JACK'S BLOG

Should I go back? I hope I don’t forget you! Where do we go from here? Should I get away from here? If you can’t speak now, Then I can’t speak now! So here I am…trying! How is this place ever going to be the same? All the memories are trapped inside my head. I will miss your laugh and your smile! I am giving you one last chance and then I will leave when I want to. I saw you again, I hope your doing better! It is times like these that make me want to jump of a bridge. It is times like these that make me want to cut my wrists. Is there room to make it all go away? How do we fix this if we don’t ever have a chance to talk? Where are you? I am so, so sorry! I can’t sleep! I can’t dream! I wish you would just stop this pain tonight! I wish you were here! I wish life can change back to the good days. The days of when we laughed and drove around the town. This is like violence you kill me forever and after. I have no more tears to shed. I am all dried up! I can’t get enough! Please use me up...

I don’t understand those days we had! All of the happy smiles that were on our faces. We talked about a lot of things in life. We talked about a family together. We talked about spending our lives together. You talked up traveling the world with me. I don’t understand why you would fight for me! Why did you even speak to me? I was depressed before! I am shattered now! The heaviness in my heart feels, Like you stabbed it with a knife. I thought you were going to be my wife. You told me God put us together, And then you lied to my face. I wanted to work my ass off to give you the best life. I wanted to have kids and be the best father in the world. You handed me hope and then burned it in my hands. You thought you were healing my heart. I am sorry, but I am bleeding from the heart now. You said you loved me and you would never cheat on me. I said I loved you, but you still felt the need to cheat. It could have been this entire time. I don’t understand why you got so close to me, to brak...

What have I really done? I have lost the people I love. I keep running at my mouth. The most horrible things come out! I want to stop my horrible badness. I want run from all this horrible sadness. Please don’t open your mouth. The most horrible things come out! Don’t feed my soul, or this ego. I might just explode. I might just drop to my knees. I might just plead for forgiveness. I will left you go. I really want to know what happened. I do care what happens to you. The words are late, and life’s not fair. It’s time to grow up! It’s time to show up, and give God all of you. It’s time to get on with our lives, so please don’t walk away. I don’t mean for you to fall, I wish I could catch you. I want to forgive you because I know it is what needs to be done. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. I hope you feel the same way.

I dove into this fake life. This so called happiness. Just like every other time I was ripped out. Snapped back to reality. It feels like so long ago, You were with me. It was yesterday you stumbled on my heart. What a family we would have had! What a life we would have lived. I am a lair nothing was ever truth! You’re a Lair that is just what you do. Don’t stop leaving people behind. I dove into some more false hope. This keeps following me around. Then again I continue to believe in something. I remember the touch! I wish I couldn’t remember much. Your going to miss me, but you don’t know! I am the better man! I am the one you ripped out of a world of fantasy. Nothing can come truth out of your month. I am just so sick of being lied to I can puke. This hurt is all because of you. I give you my life. You lied to my face. You cheated, don’t hate me! You didn’t even tell me! You changed me forever! I won’t be the same anymore!

As Beautiful as you were! It is so pitiful who you are. I should have seen this coming. Your stories are full of lies. Pretty soon your ego will kill what is left inside. Your smile is plastic, It goes with your style…Fake. It is so pitiful what you are. I should have seen this coming all along. I can see you in your true colors now! Your drowning in sin, and My hand isn’t going to be there to help you again. Your everything that means nothing to me anymore. You’re the reason why I have this darkness on my heart. As Beautiful as you were! It is so pitiful what you have become. Your now what people call evil. I should have seen this from the beginning. Your mouth is spitting out lies. Nobody can trust you. You have no control. Ready to hurt everyone that cares about you. Your so trapped in denial, but Deep down your in so much pain. Slow down before you make your life worse! As Beautiful as you were! You have completely washed that image away. You hurt because of yourself, and Only y...

I guess I have to slowly watch my back while staring at my future. I can’t let any evil doers passed just the ones that walk around. I can’t be a fool and jump to silly truth’s because I don’t believe anymore. It’s only fun when your head falls apart once, twice and the third is mind numbing. I’ll wait until you are out of my way, or I will just push you to the ground. You show your evil deeds, and It is nothing I would have believed. It looks like the war was in your head, and the love was dead. Is this getting better? Will I live forever? Did I make it easy for you to lie, and hold everything inside? I don’t want to know! Don’t ask me? I am tired and alone. I feel like I can’t take anymore of this childish behavior. I feel like there is nothing left, but a empty chest. I am beat up and frozen to the touch. There is no path, but the sun is bringing back my second chance. You can’t be trusted, not this time. I’ll find someone that will put you to shame. I’ll make sure I wipe that smile...

I am leading down my misery path. Waiting for this time to pass. I am ready to just let everything out of my grasp. I want to run, it’s as simple as that. I want to get away from all the horrible lies. I want to hide from people’s deceit. I want to run from all of what is hurting my hurt. I just keep sinking and wandering around. I just keep on thinking and slowly forgetting what I found. I speak in silent’s, but your words are backwards and twisted. There is no believing people that turn into monsters. It’s not so easy being me! I already know how to breakdown and be betrayed. I am just waiting to learn something new. I am looking for a great big newly equipped fresh start. I am losing myself just standing alone in this cruel city. Pray for my ripped apart heart, Pray that it will be repaired from evil.

I don’t have anyone and that’s the way it has been. If I am not locked up then I don’t know what is up! I am just the image living in my head. I am never really there and the picture is a still. I am so afraid of everything thrown my way. I am nobodies friend because nobody is what is there. I want to just take apart the pain, and Take apart the emotions. Please just chew me up and shallow me! and there is nothing really here! I am just a puddle of blood and tears. I don’t mind you in my skin. I want to see you even closer than before. I really don’t want it. I really don’t want to disappear. It looks like I can’t ever just stop. I don’t have anyone and it is the way I like it! Don’t speak to me unless it’s something I care about! I can’t say I do care thou. I am just a word that nobody likes to say. Avoid me at all costs and you won’t get hurt. Please just chew me up and shallow me!

Everything I touch crushes down, and doesn’t turn to much! I am crawling on the floor hoping to find my way out that door. I got some good in me, but I wish I could be more like he. I wish I could scream, so you could hear the hurt in me. Breaking down on every word hurts more then it ever could. I am stronger now and I want to believe more then I should. Every time I look up sadness hits me like a stone. I am buried, I am bruised and I just want to break loose. Every time I start to believe something is taken from me. Sometimes I can’t take this place, I want run away. I want to hate this hurt, I want to hate this face. Yesterday away from you hurt so bad I fell to my knee’s. I am the weakest of weak I couldn't pick myself up. Yesterday I cried so hard no words could explain my tears. I feel like a broken record words repeat them self’s. I am confused most of the time rambling on back on forth. I can talk life’s struggles, but it always ends with the most difficult questions. My w...

I am ready to yell out at the clouds. I want to give my peace and be healed. I am willing to say “Hey, everything is wrong!” I am stuck we these eyes, These eyes that see the most horrible things. I am rough without no edges. Running with a blade bleeding out my sides. I am on my knees hoping you will see me. I am hoping you pick me up and dust me off. I don’t want to be anybodies hero! Why not just leap out and save me? So much pain buried in me so deep. I want you to take it all away. I can bleed, but it never seems to leave. Please make it leave! Please save me! I already know you see this hurt. I know you see what’s destroying what works. Please don’t pass on by! I am worthy, I am needed. I maybe poor but, I am not yet defeated. Every time I think of you…… I am stronger “ I can do anything.” I can’t get over how much I have fallen to pieces. When I speak to you, you put me back together. I am stuck in this depressed state of mind. Please bleed the sorrow from me. I am having troubl...