JACK'S BLOG

"Well I am back at the whole writing thing. Of course I haven't posted much from my last set of poems. It's hard when I don't think that people should read them yet. I am writing a new set of poems I have been posting different poems lately, but I am finally ready to focus on one set of poems. The theme.... Well I am writing from my experiences of leaving everything I love behind just to find something I already knew. I am also taking the idea from the movie "The Nines" (2007). ( It's a movie about Micheal (Ryan Reynolds) the arch Angel and he has created different worlds for millions of years, and he is so obsessed with what he has created he begins to get involved in them. Only he doesn't remember who he is because he's so consumed with this creations .) Well there is much more to it then that. It's such a great, put together film. If you haven't seen it yet trust me you should see it. I am taking the idea of having this creation and you...

Son of the Father. This is who I am. I don't care about the green, I don't care about the greed. I don't need all the dirty deeds, It doesn't matter that much to me. It's these memories that bring us closer. It doesn't matter all of the pain we en-dour, It's these scars that make us who we really are. We can stand out and live our lives, or we can hide crumble and fall from it. I don't need your filthy words, or the negative attitude. All I need is Jesus! All I need is He. I don't need your selfishness, I don't need this helplessness. I don't need to believe in this hurtful feeling. It doesn't matter how we act, or how we speak are sneaky little lies. It doesn't matter to me! All I need is Jesus! All I need is He. I can't take your hurtful face. I don't need your disgraceful ways. I don't need the things you need. Your looking for your riches, and all that you'll get is fears. I don't ne...

"I am the guy that takes everything to his heart, and believes that out of all the evil in the world, I trust that there is some kind of good. I don't know why. I am constantly wondering why I am this person. I am not saying I am perfect by any means at all. I have my dark moments. There are times when I just want to hit someone, but I never do it. Something recently happened to me that pretty much freaked me out. I did something that I couldn't help. I couldn't stop it at all. It was as if I wasn't myself. Now I feel like I have changed forever from it. The thing I did was I built up this story, this sort of a pain inside my heart, and whenever something comes into my life that I feel is a threat to my life. This pain covers my heart, and I close up on people. Well this happened on Father's Day. The pain came over me, and I didn't want to talk about it. I closed up inside. I didn't want to talk to anyone, not even my father. I hid myself away. I didn...

Today is like a wave of tears, I'm dropping like rain drops, and I can't see nothing right now. Spinning in one big circles, Beat.....beat...beat.. One last time, So I drop to the floor. There is nobody home, and there is nobody here. It made me easy to remember, that quiet night in my house. I lost a memory, Love is gone for the moment. Today is like never ending darkness, I can't hear you. I can't see you. Beat...Beat.. beat.. One last minute, And there is nowhere to lay, So I lay in this grave. It's a dark night, The rain just keeps falling. My heart is falling. If U could remember me.... If I could remember you I would. Today is like a light show with no electric. There are millions of lights, but there is nowhere to go. It's a sad sad day with a helpless night. The stars are crying, and so is this face. Beat...beat...beat... Just one last kiss.......

"I can't believe that everything was meant to happen the way it did. I mean what are the odds of coming all the way to NY and living my ultimate dream. It was never supposed to happen that way because God has something else for me and it's not in Buffalo, NY. I feel that this trip has been more of a break, a eye opener for me. I have always had this longing for home sweet home, and I am finally making the plans to head back there. It's crazy to think I would call that my home, but leaving it has made it so clear to me now. Of course I had the worse experience of my life there, but I can't leave forever because something bad happened. Plus that situation changed my life forever. I know that I won't fall for that ever again. Falling and being in love are two completely different things in my book. I am excited to go back finally, and I act like it's been so long, but really it has only been four months. It's funny how everything comes together at about th...

 "I always thought that I had this problem with realizing my sad awful feelings that suffocate me, but that's not true! I have these troubles, these tragedies for a reason. It's all for growth, and prosper. I spent long periods of time looking down on myself never realizing there was nothing wrong. Sometimes you have to give the bad times a chance to heal you, and strength you. It's as almost if you had to soak in your horrors before you can get free from them. Everyday is a test from God, and that is what makes life worth it all. If God is showing which way to go, and teaching you how to succeed what could be better then that. The one most important thing you have to learn is that He wants you to succeed in this life, He wants you to love. Sometimes as humans we get so caught up in what we want. In my case I wanted to peruse Acting, noticing every time I got a part, it fell apart. I was always questioning do I fight for this, or is God trying to tell me "Hey, Thi...

If Love is a Paradise,when your gone. Everything is what this life will lose. How long are these clouds out for? Where is the sun, It's just getting colder? I am running forever, chasing what looks to be you, But I am getting older. I didn't mean to fake at all. It's a strange thing to be thinking, the way you crushed me makes me love you. That moment of disparity, Is tearing up inside. Life is just not fair, and this is no Paradise. If Hate is my enemy, it never runs from me. You got this strangle hold on my neck. I keep spitting out words, but I am all choked up. I breath through my lungs, The pain just pour through my veins. Every time I close my eyes, I think about how to end it all. My body is stuck on fall, and my back is up against the wall, and this is no Paradise. I don't really care much. Is Happiness a drug for me? Because I'm willing to take it. I'll overdose with a smile on my face, but this is still no Paradise.

"It doesn't matter what happens tomorrow, or the next day, this life is all about today, and what I make of it. I can continue to think of all of the things that have held me down in the past, or I can get out from beneath them, and jump up. Of course everyday isn't going to be the best, but if I soak in my sorrows, how will I ever just escape from past me? I just want to be happy. I want to soak in happiness, but lately I've been drowning in my pain. I hate to say it, but I hate me for being that way. I am never going to be somebody if I don't ever get out there and be me. The pain will be no more, and these tears will finally disappear. Everything that has happened will be gone forever, and as it is today same with all the people I knew. I am in a new beginning where everything has changed, and I refuse to let everything end up being the same. Everyday for me there is a new problem, a new struggle, and I feel like I am sinking. When I lest expect it, when I am lo...

I'm breaking my every last breath, Just to understand life, and what I have left. I'm looking, gazing in every palatable direction. There is no more waiting, wishing, or dreaming. I search to be proud, I laugh with a grace. I walk with a smile upon my face. I am falling on every sharp rock, but your stones won't knock me down. I am ready, steady, and right. You can bring me all the way down, but I will never be completely out. I'll jump up with all my energy, I won't fall down without a fight. Every negative word will fall to me feet. I'll always act as everything is alright, because everything will be just fine. You can hate me, or you can like me, I'll always give away the whole in my life. I'll speak from my heart, and I'll burn out all the darkness inside. I'll remember to praise his name, and when I die, my body will become his love, Because that's just what I am.

And I broken down all over myself, My arms have weakened, I find it hard to lift myself up. And I promised you we won't be here, I lost the words I wish I said, This time I am losing myself. And I broke my heart again, I can't pick these pieces, They swim down at my feet. And these lies all turn to dust, I can't breath through my lungs, My heart is mush in my hands. And everything I touch turns to rust, I can't escape my only weakness. There's a Devil on my shoulder, He's blinding me from my life. There's a Angel at my table, I wish I could've said more. And I promised I would change for good. I am trapped in deceitful me. And I promised I would hold you down. I am not your anchor, And I never was.