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Dear Family and Readers,

 "I always thought that I had this problem with realizing my sad awful feelings that suffocate me, but that's not true! I have these troubles, these tragedies for a reason. It's all for growth, and prosper. I spent long periods of time looking down on myself never realizing there was nothing wrong. Sometimes you have to give the bad times a chance to heal you, and strength you. It's as almost if you had to soak in your horrors before you can get free from them. Everyday is a test from God, and that is what makes life worth it all. If God is showing which way to go, and teaching you how to succeed what could be better then that. The one most important thing you have to learn is that He wants you to succeed in this life, He wants you to love. Sometimes as humans we get so caught up in what we want. In my case I wanted to peruse Acting, noticing every time I got a part, it fell apart. I was always questioning do I fight for this, or is God trying to tell me "Hey, This isn't what I want for you. What I want for you is so much better, Follow my lead, and I'll show you greatness." Of course It took me awhile to actually see that. I can't say it all happened for a reason, but when I was down and out God reached out and filled me with hope, and gave me a goal. He knows what I so desperately ache for, Love. Well He is Love. Life is all about choices and what you do with them. We can continue to rebel from everything he says, or we can fess up are mistakes and take is hand. My main concern is that I have been stuck in this one foot in, and one foot out mode. I try to be right, but I am all wrong. "You can't have your cake, and eat it to."  So I am here to say I am giving up this quest for what I want because deep down it's not what I really want. I'm tired of being stuck with a broken burned heart. I'm tired of seeing everyone around fall into love, and happiness. Of course I am so happy for them. I am ready for my turn. The reason I am writing this is because today at church God helped me realize that I did what I came to Buffalo for. The reason I came to Buffalo was #1 see that my father wasn't drinking again, and to mend are relationship, #2 is to visit and spend time with my family that I love so much. So God gave me a little push today. Sitting along I made my decision to move back to North Carolina. I am not leaving right away, but I am going to continue to work and spend as much time with my family as possible. I can't say I'll never be back, but my home is in NC, and it doesn't matter where I was born."      
                                                                                                                      Love Chris

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