JACK'S BLOG

I am a poor boy now, you can see my heart on the outside, can you see my scars? cut from love and ink. See these lungs that bleed, covered in tar and disease, how I wish I could still breathe. I am slowly wearing thin, should I let her in? I am a poor girl now, The pain pours out of my heart. I like to play in fire, but it's lost it's fun. It's been said and done. I am cut straight from the soul, I could be honest, but instead I am cold. see these eyes they will deceive you. The lining is wearing thin, Should I let him in?

"How can we as people look out at the world and see that what we have created, isn't good enough? so we build over, and we destroy peoples lives because truthfully we just don't care if our billion dollar empire kills millions of families happiness. I wish I could puke, but the truth is I am almost out of bile. American Dream? What is the American Dream? Does that mean you can buy as many bottles of booze, and hookers as you party your way to your death? Did the American Dream ever mean to get all coked up on your drug of choice, and make a fool of yourself on television. Does that mean now that you can buy whatever your heart desires that when something goes terribly wrong you can pull out your cash, and buy your way out of a bloody situation? If that's what the "American Dream" is all about then I want nothing to do with that disease. When I look at the TV all I see is the innocent people of this nation being kidnapped, being killed, being hurt, and all we ...

"So everything happens for a reason, right? Maybe it doesn't at all, but we only wish it would, because then we can use that excuse. We find ourselves one day looking for something that will change everything in our lives, but we never know when it will happen. And on the ride there we run straight into things, and there is no way to avoid them. We sure try to get out of the way, but there is no hope, because this is what was suppose to happen, and there is nothing we can do to change that.  Everyday I wake up, and I ask myself the same question, What am I doing here? Of course my answer changes from time to time. Depending on the situation at that moment. Which most of the time I feel like I am up against a wall, and there is no escape. Lately I have been stumbling around waiting for something to run into. So whatever happened I went with the flow. Why not take a leap here and there? I was tried of waiting on the sidelines. So I reached out this one time, and I actually found...

All the power and all the glory. the fountain of love, nothing else to look forward. He found all of it now. He's talking to the people, but he's looking at the king. Falling to his knee's yelling, get closer to me then. I can't stop falling for you. I can't stop loving you. I can't stop praying for you. No more brokenness, only love fills him within. I seek your beautiful face, please don't hesitate just come in. I'm the broken mess, Take away my horrible sin. You pick up these pieces, and you get your arms around me. This is no joke, it's desperation. You make this life worth waiting. He calls to his savior, Please, come save me!

All the freedom and powerless, he looks for something, but she doesn't exist. taken every chance today, just to have faith tonight. so broken and futile, I can't seem to get close, I don't even know myself. Doubt fills his eyes, tears come pouring out. All of his life he looks for hope, but she never shows her face. Here's to the better days, when love doesn't crumble at my feet. He takes another step forward, seven years of disaster, as the glass shatters. I want more then my desperation I want more then the life I am facing. One more step ahead, He slowly digs his way out of his grave.

Why does everything have to have rules, why have something to follow? Is it because without rules there is chaos? So everything comes crashing in, and we struggle to find common ground, but the truth is we will all drowned one day. Why not live life? write what you want, and don't worry about how bad someone says your work is because not everyone is going to like it. Maybe it's not by the book, Maybe it's not like the people before you, who cares? This is my life, and it will never be yours. Things happen in our lives that change us completely, it could be a horrible experience or it could be a great one. The point I am making is that I am who I am, and this is the way I write about my life, so if you don't like it your not forced to read it.  There is always something going on in our lives, and for me just putting it down on paper is like releasing the pressure right off of my shoulders. We all have our secrets, but if you ever read my posts (random or not) I let all o...

The white snow drops from the sky, and if it buries everything around, will it bury me as well? What if I uncovered your dark spots, Would you walk towards the light? So what if I said I love you? What if I just forgot you all together? It's time to put these memories in a blender, and let the sorrow spin around. I'll watch the memories shred, and the colors purify, It will be like watching the snow, fall down for the first time..... And while it cleanses my mind, I can finally get rid of you inside.

"I find myself watching while all the good things in life go by, but the truth is I am waiting for someone or something to come in my life and shake things up. Consider me the ocean just waiting for someone to toss a stone, or drive a boat through me, but for heaven sake please make a splash. My mind tense to wander when I have to much time on my hands, and this is one of those times. We are always looking for something perfect, and I wish we would just realize that nothing is perfect. All we seem to do is complain about our life's, day in and day out. The thing is we are two damn spoiled, that we are looking for something that isn't out there. Why can't we just be happy with what we have? I have no idea because everyone is just looking for something more, something that gives them just a little more high then what they have. Are we the land of greed, or is it just me? What is this world I am living in? It's strange, there are people here that don't understand ...

Our Light bent around the outside,  While emptiness filled the open space.  Dark shapes reflected off of the dashboard and chairs. We were riding so fast. Silence suffocated the air. Words were held captive behind our lips. She forcefully put her hand on my shoulder. As I looked up I could see, the sadness drown her eyes. Falling through to my selfishness, One last time. The rain soaked my insides, as my heart bounced off the pavement, my lungs filled up with smoke. As her uncertainty sped off, my reality was swallowed in darkness.

The bombs drop like rain, and who's going to stop the flesh wounds? If I could still hear........ I would hear you stab me in the back. This love affair feels like it's war. I could lye here motionless, and would you even care? Memories shatter like glass, and follow through our heart. We have fallen so damn far, even the pieces still fall apart.

"It has been said that the son pays for the father's sins, but I believe this to be true. I am suffering for mistakes that my father made, and he is so blind he can't even see my struggles. He doesn't seem to see that every time he takes a slip of his drug, I am the one stumbling in the dark alley. He doesn't see that he hasn't taught me anything about the real world. I have been bouncing around in my bubble for years. Between him and my mother my brain was filled to the top with lies. Parents feel that some times lying to their children is a lot better off then letting them know the cruel hard truth of this sick little world. When my bubble finally did burst I was flooded with all of the things I was never told as a kid. These things started to eat away at me, and as I am getting older they are still tearing through the flesh. "I can't control myself" I'll say, but the number one thing is that I don't know who, or what I am. Am I suppose ...

"I am beginning to think that everything that I touch turns to dust, but not before it becomes rusted. In other words they all die. I must be blind, because after all of this time I can't see why. I don't understand why all of this is happening to me. I can't stop the bad things from becoming truth. I can't seem to find a decent person to show me some truth. The dark clouds cover the skies, and just like my past they follow me like I am there one obsession, they just won't go away. I could care less about a new year, it's all another excuse to get drunk and party. I am not that naive. A new year doesn't come with trash bags I could put all of my many problems away in. I can't just set them aside. I've learned my lessons. "Don't let them know", And "Don't get involved" because as soon as I let my mask fall off, a little Devil likes to stab me in places I like to cover up. After the last year my trust in humanity has di...

 "L ook at it now, it's been another year. I can say that 2010 wasn't the best not by the least bit. A little sideways if you ask me. You know, up and down. My expectations for this year was really high, but it wasn't even close to what I imagined. Last year I remember having this plan to recovery, but that didn't really pan out to well. It feels more like little explosions went off during this year. I spent half the year in New York. Buffalo, NY that is, so I didn't have the luxury of the city part. I spent a lot of time with my family, I got a boring job, and got stuck in this trap of doing the same route over and over. I found myself at the movies a lot, and I went out to some bars/night clubs. (which I found to be irritating) Oh yeah, I worked out like seven days a week with my dad. (which was great by the way) After awhile I found myself getting tried, and I needed a quick change. The truth is that I didn't know what I wanted. I seem to make one dump ...