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A New Year

"I am beginning to think that everything that I touch turns to dust, but not before it becomes rusted. In other words they all die. I must be blind, because after all of this time I can't see why. I don't understand why all of this is happening to me. I can't stop the bad things from becoming truth. I can't seem to find a decent person to show me some truth. The dark clouds cover the skies, and just like my past they follow me like I am there one obsession, they just won't go away. I could care less about a new year, it's all another excuse to get drunk and party. I am not that naive. A new year doesn't come with trash bags I could put all of my many problems away in. I can't just set them aside. I've learned my lessons. "Don't let them know", And "Don't get involved" because as soon as I let my mask fall off, a little Devil likes to stab me in places I like to cover up. After the last year my trust in humanity has diminished. Will I ever trust again? well that's a question I can't answer. They always say I can trust in God, but here I am drowning in the uncertainty of life's big questions. The one thing I am curtain about is all the pieces my insides are in. I laugh when someone says I should talk to someone, because they can't help this kind of F***ed up. It will be with me forever, and there is nothing nobody can do to fix me. Trust me I've tried, the best thing for me is to stay as far away as possible. You answer a question, How would it help to get to know someone, and let them betray me because I am to damn nice. I feel that I am to nice to people, and you know where it has gotten me, nowhere. Nobody wants to get to know little old me, nobody cares enough. I am willing and able to help anyone with there problems, but I am the one that needs the help. The key is that I won't just come out and say that to you. It's been awhile, but if your still reading this love, I wanted to say thanks for making me into what I am today. I know you think it's silly that I am still thinking about you, but I thought you were special, and I was the F***ed up one. Cheer's to a New and exciting Year with all of the same old problems to deal with."

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