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Seeking Answers

"So everything happens for a reason, right? Maybe it doesn't at all, but we only wish it would, because then we can use that excuse. We find ourselves one day looking for something that will change everything in our lives, but we never know when it will happen. And on the ride there we run straight into things, and there is no way to avoid them. We sure try to get out of the way, but there is no hope, because this is what was suppose to happen, and there is nothing we can do to change that. 
Everyday I wake up, and I ask myself the same question, What am I doing here? Of course my answer changes from time to time. Depending on the situation at that moment. Which most of the time I feel like I am up against a wall, and there is no escape. Lately I have been stumbling around waiting for something to run into. So whatever happened I went with the flow. Why not take a leap here and there? I was tried of waiting on the sidelines. So I reached out this one time, and I actually found something that I can hold onto. Whether this happened for a reason it doesn't matter. Maybe she was bouncing around as well, beautiful she is, and when I look into her eyes I see happiness. But I am afraid that this may all just be a dream, and when I wake she will be gone just like everyone else.  
So when I close my eyes I kick, and I scream my way through the dangers of my subconsciousness. I throw my arms out fighting to hang onto something real. I so badly want this to be real. Is this real? Besides the uncertainty, I have been sick to my stomach, my heart has been racing, beating outside of my chest. She's here! I sometimes wonder about being closer to her, but I know how to destroy that at times. If there is one thing I am good at it's ruining great things. I wish I could stop myself, keep my hands at my sides at all times, keep the words tucked underneath my tongue.
Is this all meant to be? Rushing into something is what hurts me in the end. She's perfect, and I hope she can see that. The question is am I perfect for her? Can I actually step up, and take care of her like I always wanted? Can I have it all?
Everyday we wake up and are faced with some type of question. And most of the time we don't have the answers to them. Is this real? Is this suppose to happen? I really wish I had the answers, but I don't. I do know someone that does, and we just have to pray, and seek Him, and when the time comes He will reveal the answers to us."

Comments

Anonymous said…
Im not going anywhere. I will stay as long as you still want me there. My hand is always there for you to hold, if you continue to grab it.
January 25, 2011 at 10:16 PM
Unknown said…
How funny this comment really is..We make promises that we never think at the time could become more like lies. Not calling you a lair, but I think it is crazy how things can change.
January 26, 2014 at 11:26 AM
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