"Look at it now, it's been another year. I can say that 2010 wasn't the best not by the least bit. A little sideways if you ask me. You know, up and down. My expectations for this year was really high, but it wasn't even close to what I imagined. Last year I remember having this plan to recovery, but that didn't really pan out to well. It feels more like little explosions went off during this year. I spent half the year in New York. Buffalo, NY that is, so I didn't have the luxury of the city part. I spent a lot of time with my family, I got a boring job, and got stuck in this trap of doing the same route over and over. I found myself at the movies a lot, and I went out to some bars/night clubs. (which I found to be irritating) Oh yeah, I worked out like seven days a week with my dad. (which was great by the way) After awhile I found myself getting tried, and I needed a quick change. The truth is that I didn't know what I wanted. I seem to make one dump decision after another, and all I can do is live with them.
I change my mind so many times I don't know what I am doing. The next big thing on my decisions list was applying at MACU. Although a great school, I am completely tired of school's and the testing. I guess I don't have any say so in that. I got so used to Acting, that now I don't have a clue what I'll do the rest of my life. I am lost, still. When is the right time to fall apart? I am looking for my life, I am looking for my career. I can't wait to have a grasp on one part of my life for a change. Besides the awesome albums I have listen to, and the new bands, sadly my year has been lack luster, but since 2009 was so damn eventful, I am okay with the dullness of this year. I have certainly learned to not have such high expectations because most likely they'll drain you. Yeah, I can talk about what I want to happen this coming year, but the truth is that I have no idea what will happen. I can't predict the future. I wish the same old things, and I dream of great things, but when does all those hopes, and dreams ever come true? I am just going to continue to do what I do best, and stop worrying about all of this crap. I know I have many more lessons to learn, so here is too 2011 the year of question."
After all of these years, words still harden your heart, always so condescending when the spotlight isn’t on you. when you come crashing down, everyone is to blame for mistakes made. It will be alright, you can take it out on me! You hold the past like a sword, swinging it at anyone that gets close. chaos exudes out of your mouth, hitting everyone in spitting distance. Here you excuse the lonely of being depressed, yet you sit alone crying at night. Your all knowing wisdom, seems to be all wrong. you know nothing of this fight. So, won’t you take it out on me? you consume yourself of unreal expectations, and live a life of false positivity. so blame me for your indiscretions, and lay your burdens on my shoulders. take it all out on me. But stop playing pretend, hiding your heart full of agony. I tell you this loud and clear, but here you are never listening. We still have so much to learn, and everything to fear. but it’s alright, take it out on me! ht...

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