"It has been days since I first saw the movie Into The Wild, and the true story of Christopher McCandless, and his journey into this world. He gave up the sin of money and greed. So I took a walk yesterday (Sunday Jan 31, 2011) and I started to think, what if I just disappeared from my world? What if I destroyed all of my identification and fell off the face of the earth? At this point in my life I feel a lot like McCandless, or Alexander Super-tramp. I am so sick to my stomach of being let down. I am so tired of waking and praying for my mother to be healthy for once in my life, but she never is, and it's killing me slowly. I am sick of people with all of there money, so stuck up, so angry. This world is the Devil's, and he walks in it. I hate saying this when I am trying my hardest to look for the hope, to trust, and to find Love. It hurts to see everything around me crumble to the ground once again, and have no control to try to stop. I am my sorrow! I thought I was happy, but as life continues on the more bad things happen to me, and my heart can't stop being crushed by the people I care about so much. Don't worry readers I am not going to fall off the face of the earth, it's just a what if. I know at one point in my life maybe in 2009 this would have been a great idea. I mean I was all by myself, my mother was in NY, my sister was busy with her family, and my step-father was always working. I dropped out of college, and I lost my job. It was the perfect time for me to get all of me out of the mess, but the Devil had better plans for me, or was it God? He put this girl in my life, and what I didn't know that she was going to kill me, and walk away with no feeling. It makes me sad that I am thinking about running away, giving up on humanity to live out in the wild, but how would this prove my point. I mean McCandless did this, and wanted to get away from all of this sin, and what did they do, they made a book out of it, and sold millions, they made a movie out of it, and made millions, all for what? Greed? They turned his life into a story, and of course it was sad how he dead, but as humans we still don't understand the errors of our ways, and it's really sad."
Is this what it takes to make an illusion, or Will this ever come to be the truth? Why do I do the things I do? Why do I dream of these horrible things? I just want to know your view. It hurts to know what is not meant to be real. It hurts never knowing what will hurt next. I don’t want you to forget about me. I don’t ever want to go far away. I want to stick around forever. I want to stand up and fight. I don’t want to lay down and die. I want to be more than a weird nobody. I can’t breath on my own. I can’t stand on my own to feet. I need you more than I can imagine. Tell me that everything is O.K! I wish I could say that everything is alright. We can run away and live on forever. Where ever I go the pain follows my soul. Please make it go away from here. I want us to be free from this rule. I want us to run and never think again. I feel like this is my dream, and When I wake my smile will disappear. I want to say hey, everything is great! I want to hold you and talk of the good thin...
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