JACK'S BLOG

God, I am praying, that you'll find me, that you'll see me. God, I am falling. I hope that you'll catch me, I hope that you'll Love me. Today I am on my knee's, and there is no place for me.. God, I am saying, Don't give up on my lonely soul. Today I'm crying, These tears just fall. My heart is like an anchor, It's so heavy all the time. God, I pray for your courage. I want to walk in your strength. I want to be drunk in your holy spirit. God, I have given my life to you. I have tired my best to find you. Please open up my eyes, so I can see your beauty. Please open up my ears, so I can hear your voice. This is your son. I weep with all my grief! God, please help me see the truth. Is this really me? I am not sure of the preaching, I am lost in the word. God, I am calling your name. Don't give up on me! Don't let me be put to shame! God, I am praising you. This is where I belong, Here with you!

Who am I? I feel like I am this person, called the helper. Where are my friends? I've been trying to answer that question for so long now. I mean I have friends, but not true friends. I'm the guy that people ask advice from and then walk away. Who can I share with? I've tried, and I've tired, but really is there anyone out there? Anyone that will listen to what I have to say for a change. No that's what it's called, I'm the Nice Guy! When will that term be put to rest? I hate to say it, but I'm the guy girls dump their problems on, and then go back to their boy friends. I swear to you not that the last couple of people I've met used me as a sounding board for their problems. I wish I had the answers, but I don't. What am I putting off that I'm the guy you cry on his shoulder with? Is it something that I am doing, or saying? A true friend is equal, they are loyal, and they have each others backs. Where can I find that in a person? Right now ...

"It always hurts when we lose someone we love. It hurts everything that we are. We lose something that was apart of us for so long, but we will move on, and we will become stronger. Loved ones we have lost will always be there. In every step of our lives. Just look deep inside your heart, and you'll find there love in you. Of course tears will fall, but that's a good thing. God is always there, so give away your worries and sadness and put that smile back on because they did go to a much better place. Things will get better! The light will shine again. It's always scared to walk away, but saying goodbye could be a good thing. Don't ever fall so far that you can't get back up on your own, that's what God is there for, so you don't have to fall. Those loved one's will always be by your side, so you are never alone. They would want you to move on, and live out the rest of your life. God wants you to move passed this, of course there is time for ...

I feel like I am climbing up these empty walls. I continue you to stumble and fall, But I don’t want to no more. I am tired of talking to myself. I can’t believe in nobody else. It’s hard when they don’t exist. I’m fighting his way of life, But I am trapped in silent’s. I wish I could feel your presents, But again I am all by myself. I can’t stand these down times, They make me want to breakdown. It causes me to miss what I never had. I’m thinking of ways of change, But these bad things keep getting in my way. When I call my so called friends, There is never a answer on the other end. It feels like my mouth is open a lot, But these words just won’t come out. Why can’t someone be a friend to me? Why can’t I pull this loneliness from me? I wish I could wake up, and this game would be changed. I wish I knew people, and I didn’t believe that they would fade. I am just a shadow of my former self. I am locked in this dark room with no one else. I wish I could see eve...

Come pick me up, We can go out tonight, and never look back. You can lay across my bed, And go through all my stuff. I wish you would look to me, Then I could let you in, You could be with me. I wish I could hold your hand, Because I won’t let go. I wish I could fall for you, As you fall for me too. We can stay out all through the night. We can talk about all the things that sound great. We can have laughs of fun. We can fall in love. I wish I could hold you up, And steal all your pain away. I wish I could need you, More then I could ever need myself. You can use me up, Until I have nothing left. I’ll give you everything I got. I’ll give you everything you want. I’ll stop at nothing to show you love. I can be who you need. I’ll give you what you deserve, And I’ll fight to make it work. I wish I could share my heart, And we would never be apart. I wish I would fall in love.

Why do I get these reasons for leaving? Why do I feel like everything is wrong? You can trust in me, but you can’t tell the truth. All I see is the good in people, But they like to show me their demons. I believe in them so much, There lies turn into my cuts. When can I just walk away from all of this? Am I walking on this tight rope. Or could I be falling off the edge? Now I am hiding myself from everyone, And I just want to scream out all of this hate. I am back and forth from reality, And my sadness goes up and down. I can’t stop these backwards thoughts. I just want to be somebody else. I wish these scars didn’t have to bleed. I wish that you never lied to me. Everyone now runs from me, And I am trapped with all their pain. Is there anything else I can really say. It’s hard to speak when you just turn away. Now that I have nobody to trust. I have nobody to speak the truth. Now that we are all through, I’m lost with nothing to do. Please don’t look back at me! It makes it hard for t...

I am gone from this wasted space. All the memories can float on like ghosts. Everything is disappearing from this place, And now it’s time for me to do the same. So long old life I’m leaving you today. I’m leaving all of my faults and heart aches behind, But this time I won’t turn to say my goodbyes. I’m running from my twisted pains, I’m hoping the lack of tears will make them fade. I am going away for awhile, And I won’t tell you why? I can’t wait to be out in the open, Without any chains holding me down. You can beg me to stay, but I won’t hear you. Trust me since you’ve left my life has changed. I can’t love you no more, I have to walk away. Today I am leaving this one day to old town. I can’t stand to walk in this house with bad memories. I can’t sit around anymore dreaming for you. It’s time I’m waking up and facing my fate without you. I can’t breathe in this suffocating room anymore. The windows are still nailed shut and the sun doesn’t shine through. It gets so stuffy in here ...

Oh, what a beautiful day, But I don’t understand why these tears fall down my face. So many things get in our way. When will we stop and think? Oh, heavenly day, Why has this smile left my face? All of the hurt feels worse then yesterday. Why do we fall so blind? Love is still what I am after, But it’s what I am struggling to find. Oh, What a magnificent day, But I can’t understand why this happiness went away. Today is surly a great day. The sun is shining bright, and The leaves are blowing in the cool wind. Why do we feel so down? I can’t seem to turn away from now! Oh, what a gorgeous day, And I wish I could just open my eye’s. The hurt never seems to leave my side. I just hope tomorrow is as amazing as today!

Through out my Life I have been on and off about everything that I love, but there is one constant in my life, and that's God. I struggled through so much in my life that it's hard to find all the good things. God is the good things. He is someone I can share all my problems with and not feel scared about saying to much, he is someone I can let all my secrets go to. Yesterday I felt so grateful to be alive. It was such a beautiful day I had to spend it outside. I may not be the most perfect person, but I really feel like I am ready to move on from all of my past situations. Moving to NY is, and must be my new start, and I so badly just want to start again. Meet new people, and be in new relationships. I am really tired of feeling sorry for myself. The last couple of months I have been posting a relationship poetry on this blog "Beyond the Heart Break", but this was about four months ago that I wrote all of this. I feel that my blog is behind. I just wanted to update i...

Now that I have a little perspective on things. I think the whole idea of me being in a relationship was stupid. I should’ve never said yes to her. Yes, I made a huge mistake, and it’s one that I am paying for every single day. I mean if I never met her then I couldn’t have fallen in love. Now I have to worry about moving on from this. I don’t know, but I really don’t think going on dates will help. First of all I’ve been on some already they didn’t go so well. I guess it was just to soon. How about now? The way I see it is if I am still thinking about the love of my life then how would it work. I have been told so many times that getting to know someone else will take your mind off of her. I also heard that getting drunk could help as well, but not a smart idea on my part. I also don’t feel right bringing up my bullshit heartache to a new relationship. This is how people make so many dumb decisions. They bale on the relationship, and then jump right into another one. Now that new rela...

Well I know what love looks like at least I think I do. All I can say is that I was in love with her. What more can I say. It’s not like I didn’t fight for her. I almost went crazy over her. I also know that there were plenty of reasons why she would leave me. I complained about my job all the time, but I never did anything about it. At the time I was depressed and I was going through some difficult times in my life. The truth is I did love her with all my heart and I would have done anything for her. Maybe I wasn’t a millionaire, but I would’ve gave away everything for her. This maybe tough love as she calls it, but I still have some type of love for her. It’s the one thing that never faded away. The hardest part to this whole thing is finding the next person and giving them what they deserve. Not what they want, but what they deserve. This will be a hard process. I want to trust again, but it’s just going to take me some time. Through the storms and onto the light. Now with nobody ...