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What's On My Mind (part 2)

In my life there has been a lot of crashes meaning things happen to me, and I can't really recall why it happened. Trust me it wasn't the greatest things. As a person waiting for it all to end, I never thought a positive thing could happen to me. Then one day I prayed to God for a good thing. I didn't understand why it turned out to be so horrible in the end. I should trust that God does things to help me along, or am I being burned?
So my pray was answered. I prayed for someone to love me, and be there for me. A girl came into my life, and despite all of my problems I loved her with all of my heart, and I would have done anything for her. Do you blame me she gave me a reason to fight again, She gave me love, she changed my life, or was all that God? Because there was one day where I woke up, and everything was different. I felt it in the air. I saw it in her eyes, and I heard it in her voice, and then when she kissed me I knew something was different. Lets just say the relationship ended that day. Was it really a relationship? because I felt like I was set up for it all to be one big lie, The story of me life. Why would God but someone in my life, that I would care about, that I would love so completely, and then tear her out. I can ponder these millions of questions, but my darkness just won't leave the insides of me. She was a curse, She was a disease, but the truth is I still love her, and I am so happy, and proud of her, and I would never be able to tell her that. The problem is that I am disappointed in myself. I can't move on! I don't want to get to the point of no return, where I am hating myself again.
Love is something I never felt before, and when I did I was as blind as a bat. The truth is I don't blame her for what happened, I don't blame God for what happened, I don't even blame the Devil. I blame Myself. I was the cause, I was the hopeless, I was the helpless, and by being with her I made her try to fix me. That was a task no human should take on. I have so many trust issues!

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