Skip to main content

Seeking Answers

"So everything happens for a reason, right? Maybe it doesn't at all, but we only wish it would, because then we can use that excuse. We find ourselves one day looking for something that will change everything in our lives, but we never know when it will happen. And on the ride there we run straight into things, and there is no way to avoid them. We sure try to get out of the way, but there is no hope, because this is what was suppose to happen, and there is nothing we can do to change that. 
Everyday I wake up, and I ask myself the same question, What am I doing here? Of course my answer changes from time to time. Depending on the situation at that moment. Which most of the time I feel like I am up against a wall, and there is no escape. Lately I have been stumbling around waiting for something to run into. So whatever happened I went with the flow. Why not take a leap here and there? I was tried of waiting on the sidelines. So I reached out this one time, and I actually found something that I can hold onto. Whether this happened for a reason it doesn't matter. Maybe she was bouncing around as well, beautiful she is, and when I look into her eyes I see happiness. But I am afraid that this may all just be a dream, and when I wake she will be gone just like everyone else.  
So when I close my eyes I kick, and I scream my way through the dangers of my subconsciousness. I throw my arms out fighting to hang onto something real. I so badly want this to be real. Is this real? Besides the uncertainty, I have been sick to my stomach, my heart has been racing, beating outside of my chest. She's here! I sometimes wonder about being closer to her, but I know how to destroy that at times. If there is one thing I am good at it's ruining great things. I wish I could stop myself, keep my hands at my sides at all times, keep the words tucked underneath my tongue.
Is this all meant to be? Rushing into something is what hurts me in the end. She's perfect, and I hope she can see that. The question is am I perfect for her? Can I actually step up, and take care of her like I always wanted? Can I have it all?
Everyday we wake up and are faced with some type of question. And most of the time we don't have the answers to them. Is this real? Is this suppose to happen? I really wish I had the answers, but I don't. I do know someone that does, and we just have to pray, and seek Him, and when the time comes He will reveal the answers to us."

Comments

Anonymous said…
Im not going anywhere. I will stay as long as you still want me there. My hand is always there for you to hold, if you continue to grab it.
January 25, 2011 at 10:16 PM
Unknown said…
How funny this comment really is..We make promises that we never think at the time could become more like lies. Not calling you a lair, but I think it is crazy how things can change.
January 26, 2014 at 11:26 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Warning Sign to a Lost Connection

I'm losing a little bit of me inside. All of the breakdowns drive them to hide. I'm wandering around hoping to find something that will never be true. My mind is spinning away from me. I can't see what's in front of me. I tried to be someone else, but the pain doesn't go nowhere else. I WANT TO BREAK!! I want to fall to my knee's. I want to scream out loud. I can't take this anymore. I'm stuck in this hole, and there is nobody to dig me out. With my back up against the wall, I can't see my dreams when your standing in my way. I'm staring at the future begging for the past. I know the good times, but they don't ever last. I WANT TO BREAK!! I want to fall to the floor. I want to scream out loud. I don't think I can take this anymore! My heart is still beating, but my breathing is getting weaker with all of this weight on top of my chest. I keep on fighting these angels wrestling these demons to the ground. I keep on walking until I los...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Weight

rain falls from the blackness in the sky, the water soaks the earth. here we stay a float, but slowly we are drowning. the mud grabs us by the ankles, pulling us into the ground. everyday is a struggle to move. With all of these days, we carry out this weight, walking closer to the pavement. we tippy toe across the marsh, crashing faster each time. crushed to our knees, our hearts slow to a beat. we question our strength, savoring every last drop, like the very last scotch. and at the end of the day, when the moon covers the view. your soft hand pressures, then squeeze’s these muscles and slowly cracks the bones, you push down upon me, I pray you don’t break me. With all the pain and agony, we continue to push forward, but we question our lives, always struggling to stand up straight. fearing our inevitable fate. carrying this horrible weight. Note; In all honesty this is about the world and the struggle to live, have faith in God, but the weight some t...
Post a Comment
Read more

If I Could I Would

If I could change a thing, I think I would have changed everything. If I could have known the truth, I would have never been with you. Twenty-five and I am so tired of this childish love, And all the pain that comes along with all its games. Seems such a waste to throw it all away, But I am who I am, like me or not, But you will never be able to change me. The world has its grips on you, And I am no way getting involved. Today could be the greatest of days, But what would you have changed? All of your wrong mistakes, your bad calls, All your fear and lies, Or are you just so selfish inside? If I could change the way we were, I think I would change everything. If I knew the absolute truth about you, I would have never even met you. Twenty-five to life with all that you did, Is this the end of love, should I give up? And here I am stuck with a broken heart, And busted up sight. These days are blurring together, And nothing seems al...
Post a Comment
Read more