Skip to main content

Life Changer

After almost a full year in a relationship, and now it has come to and end. Trust me when I say that your life can change just like that, so keep your head up at all times. My question is after building on something I thought was love...but I was wrong, after the break up, Where do you go from there? The truth is I don't have an answer. I feel like I wrote this already, maybe I did. Like I said in earlier posts I finally felt happy this year...well until 10:45 am Friday December 9, 2011. At that moment I went from happy to depressed in one fail swoop. My life has turned upside down. A day later I started cleaning out the things that were no longer mine. It's a weird feeling, It's like your ripping out just part of your heart, to give it back to her. Just knowing that whole inside of you is freshly ripped open, makes me want to vomit. I really believe I can come back from this, but I really don't think I'll be dating any time soon...give me about 5 to 10 years, and I'll be ready again. Is there something wrong with me? I am a great guy that doesn't go out partying, that is focused on school, that wants to spend time with you. I am a guy that is honest, and funny, and guess what? I will never cheat on you because that is just who I am. The last two girls dumped me because they wanted something for themselves. I am sorry, but the next girl  women will have to be older, because I can't handle a teenager, again. Not that they weren't good people, they both just put me in the middle of what they wanted, and as you can see I was thrown to the trash. Just the idea of having to meet a whole new person, trust them with your heart, learn everything about them, fall in love, talk about marriage, and kids. Honestly just sounds tiring, and from my point of view a waste of time. I am not trying to say anything bad about my Ex's, I had a fantastic time in a fantasy happy land, and now I guess it's time to wake up to reality. We had many great times together...but I am sick of having great times for it to end up in a ugly mess. I am sick of being bounced around like a pin ball. I am sick of being played like a fool. I am tired of them breaking my heart over the internet, because they are to scared to tell me to my face like an adult. I am sick of them holding there true feelings and doubts inside for months before telling me. In the last three years I have been in two relationships that had I freaky amount of similarities. I am not giving up on love, but I am sick to death of the stupid childish games. I am sick of being walked all over. A heads up a relationship is 50/50 not anymore, or any less. So here I am once again venting my frustration hoping someone will read it. I didn't mean this to make anyone feel bad..it's just honesty. Here I am about to spend the New Year of 2012 brokenhearted....again. Just another bad ending to a happy chapter in my life. Yeah, maybe 2012 will be better....haha who am I kidding, that's not in my book is it? So now that it's all over, my question is Where do I go from here? Let me know how you feel, please!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Warning Sign to a Lost Connection

I'm losing a little bit of me inside. All of the breakdowns drive them to hide. I'm wandering around hoping to find something that will never be true. My mind is spinning away from me. I can't see what's in front of me. I tried to be someone else, but the pain doesn't go nowhere else. I WANT TO BREAK!! I want to fall to my knee's. I want to scream out loud. I can't take this anymore. I'm stuck in this hole, and there is nobody to dig me out. With my back up against the wall, I can't see my dreams when your standing in my way. I'm staring at the future begging for the past. I know the good times, but they don't ever last. I WANT TO BREAK!! I want to fall to the floor. I want to scream out loud. I don't think I can take this anymore! My heart is still beating, but my breathing is getting weaker with all of this weight on top of my chest. I keep on fighting these angels wrestling these demons to the ground. I keep on walking until I los...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Weight

rain falls from the blackness in the sky, the water soaks the earth. here we stay a float, but slowly we are drowning. the mud grabs us by the ankles, pulling us into the ground. everyday is a struggle to move. With all of these days, we carry out this weight, walking closer to the pavement. we tippy toe across the marsh, crashing faster each time. crushed to our knees, our hearts slow to a beat. we question our strength, savoring every last drop, like the very last scotch. and at the end of the day, when the moon covers the view. your soft hand pressures, then squeeze’s these muscles and slowly cracks the bones, you push down upon me, I pray you don’t break me. With all the pain and agony, we continue to push forward, but we question our lives, always struggling to stand up straight. fearing our inevitable fate. carrying this horrible weight. Note; In all honesty this is about the world and the struggle to live, have faith in God, but the weight some t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Where I Belong

It is such a marvelous light, This beautiful ray still shines during, The darkest part of the night. How selfish are we to take what isn't ours, We build on the beauty of your world. We take down trees and burn them to the ground. We turn what is rightfully yours into a wasteland. We dig until we can’t stand anymore, And we blame you for our mistakes. We are abusing what was once beautiful. I will follow your beauty to the edge, And when I know where you are, it is where I want to be. When I don’t know where you are, you are where I belong. Here I am breathing just to breathe, I am dreaming just to dream. So quick to take advantage of all you give me. Here I hurt because she has hurt me, And I bleed because he has cut me. I am so quick to blame everyone else. Here I am fearing just to fear him, I stay awake because I believe I am free, And do what I want because I think I have the control, But you’re the only one to put me in ...
Post a Comment
Read more