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Life Changer

After almost a full year in a relationship, and now it has come to and end. Trust me when I say that your life can change just like that, so keep your head up at all times. My question is after building on something I thought was love...but I was wrong, after the break up, Where do you go from there? The truth is I don't have an answer. I feel like I wrote this already, maybe I did. Like I said in earlier posts I finally felt happy this year...well until 10:45 am Friday December 9, 2011. At that moment I went from happy to depressed in one fail swoop. My life has turned upside down. A day later I started cleaning out the things that were no longer mine. It's a weird feeling, It's like your ripping out just part of your heart, to give it back to her. Just knowing that whole inside of you is freshly ripped open, makes me want to vomit. I really believe I can come back from this, but I really don't think I'll be dating any time soon...give me about 5 to 10 years, and I'll be ready again. Is there something wrong with me? I am a great guy that doesn't go out partying, that is focused on school, that wants to spend time with you. I am a guy that is honest, and funny, and guess what? I will never cheat on you because that is just who I am. The last two girls dumped me because they wanted something for themselves. I am sorry, but the next girl  women will have to be older, because I can't handle a teenager, again. Not that they weren't good people, they both just put me in the middle of what they wanted, and as you can see I was thrown to the trash. Just the idea of having to meet a whole new person, trust them with your heart, learn everything about them, fall in love, talk about marriage, and kids. Honestly just sounds tiring, and from my point of view a waste of time. I am not trying to say anything bad about my Ex's, I had a fantastic time in a fantasy happy land, and now I guess it's time to wake up to reality. We had many great times together...but I am sick of having great times for it to end up in a ugly mess. I am sick of being bounced around like a pin ball. I am sick of being played like a fool. I am tired of them breaking my heart over the internet, because they are to scared to tell me to my face like an adult. I am sick of them holding there true feelings and doubts inside for months before telling me. In the last three years I have been in two relationships that had I freaky amount of similarities. I am not giving up on love, but I am sick to death of the stupid childish games. I am sick of being walked all over. A heads up a relationship is 50/50 not anymore, or any less. So here I am once again venting my frustration hoping someone will read it. I didn't mean this to make anyone feel bad..it's just honesty. Here I am about to spend the New Year of 2012 brokenhearted....again. Just another bad ending to a happy chapter in my life. Yeah, maybe 2012 will be better....haha who am I kidding, that's not in my book is it? So now that it's all over, my question is Where do I go from here? Let me know how you feel, please!

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