JACK'S BLOG

I have been awake for days. Trying to write this confession down. Every word I write is broken, And I am crying out to you! I am sorry I just can’t help myself. I keep on speaking these words, But everything I do seems to make it worse. I can’t get her back in my arms, Yet I can’t seem to do anything, anymore. Please, Lord I don’t want to be alone tonight. I wish I could pray and the heartache will go away, But this seems to never end. This is in my heart, This is in my head. I have walked to find only my lungs and teeth, Lying on the floor in front of me. I am wondering around having no heart to breath. I have found out that my dreams aren’t what I am used to seeing. And I think I am breaking down. I am distracted by this love, And there is nothing my human hands can do to break free. I am afraid to sleep because of what haunts me. It takes over my thoughts until I am surrendering to my dreams. I am left crying with nobody, but God to see. I wish I could walk away and say goodbye, but

Do I have nothing left to say? Do I need this whiskey to hear your complaints? People love to drink there troubles away. Some times I feel I would be better off that way. Because maybe then I could sleep at night. I wouldn’t have to lay awake until the morning light. This is something I wish I could control. So, this is for how I broke my soul. And this one is how I am still alone, But when I think of you that could be. The end of this bottle, and the end for me. Then I will pick up another and finish it, with another to follow. Maybe then I won’t dream of you anymore, And I could get on with the things that cloud my mind, But then again I might just always feel this way. Because your love is just to strong.

I am walking closer to the ground. Everybody just walks around. I lift my head and tears fall down. Crying voices is the only sound. I stand up with my hands raised high. My feet begin to float, I begin to fly. Another hand reaches for my back. With enough power stabs me in the heart. My body crumbles and I fall apart. Back to my knee's I beg, I plead. There is a whisper in my ear. A girl cries out, save me! I ask, you were not there? I was living fear! I close my eyes and put my hand out. The trembling sweat filled my head with doubt. I looked up again and I saw happiness within. Look what happened, Look what I did. Without effort I am flying to new heights. God heal my wounds, resolve these fights. Save this child set everything in her life right. As you know, she hurt me, but helped me. Please save her first and then save me. Fill us with your love and set us free.

If it makes you less sad. I wish I could venture back. I hope you find who you are. You already know who I am. Just call me another safe bet. If it makes you less sad. We can stop talking on the phone. You already know how vile I am. I am a lair, it's just my style. I am sick with your pain. You just won't go away. I'll grow old. Hoping you'll start acting your age. I'll go home. Hoping to never hear your name. This hurts to erase you, but it is what I must do. I'll burn all of your photos, and forget our past. If it makes you less sad. I'll move away from this state. You can keep to yourself. I'll keep out of your way. It's cold in this room. Where your memory looms. Hopefully as time goes by. You will go too.

I have been having a hard time getting onto a computer lately, so my poems are falling behind. I do have some other things that I have been working on. I can post one of them, but it is really a work in progress. I have tried, but I have never really found the time to write or finish any of my short stories. I want so badly to post them to my blog. I find myself losing the words that I want to write. If anyone has any ideas please share. I am going to get so things done, and hopefully by the end of the month I will be able to share with everyone.

I won’t let you bury it, you sucked the life out of me, And I want you back because I liked it. I tried to let you go away, but I am addicted to you. I can’t look you in the eyes without being fooled, With hope knowing that your alone again. Hold me on your lease and wear me everyday. I like to walk in shoes, but I want your abuse. Maybe I ‘m nobody to you, lets meet again. How can I captivate perfect lies from a perfect date. I do hold everything true and you’re the one I want to do. I want to hold you close and do the nasty things to you. Lead me again because I am here for your amusement. Take me to your bed it’s the one at the end. I love you so much that there is pain inside my head. Everything is better up close and your beautiful, personally. When you smile everything hardens. It doesn’t matter what they say, I am free. I do, I want you on my skin, let the bad parts in. I can believe that best friends are friends forever. Talk the sound out of your voice. I love what I hear it’

The truth is that I can’t stop thinking about this girl “My Ex”. At first it went away for about a month. It got to a point where I didn’t need her anymore. I was happy and moving on. Now she is all I think about every single second of everyday. She is what I dream about. To be honest I can’t take it anymore! I could end my life today because I am tired of the torture. We can’t be friends and I understand that now. I can’t stand the sight of her it eats me up inside that I can‘t be with her. Hearing her laugh, seeing her smile kills me. Maybe it will be easier to say goodbye if I just found someone else and had sex with them? I think I understand why Men after being dumped have no feelings and they just find a replacement. It is much easier than begging for her back. Trust me! don’t do that, it just makes everything worse when she rejects you again. See the problem is not that she was my first love in my life. I believed that she was put into my life from God. That is more devastating

I want to take a walk with you. Letting all the struggle float free. I am crashing to my knee's. Hoping opening your eyes to see. I want you to come closer to me, now! See me Broken! See me Bleeding! I am praying you will help me. Lay your hands upon my heart. Heal my pains take them all away. If I begged you would you come closer? Please come closer to me, Lord. When you see me falling down. Catch me with you loving arms, And hold me up high in the sky. Oh, my love don't give up hope. Please don't pass me on by!