JACK'S BLOG

I don't like this place no more. I don't like this town. There is nothing left here for me. I just want to leave so bad, but I'm stuck. I want to walk on my own two feet. I want see my family. I'm sick of being held back. I don't fit in with nobody. What happens when I succeed? What happens when I make the big dream? Then What? It doesn't change the fact that I'm just another person with no friends. I'm just someone that is wasting away with nobody. How am I suppose to live like this? What the hell am I suppose to do? How do I get passed this emptyiness? This life is not suppose to be like this. Where is my mind? It hurts so bad, I wish it would just go away. I wish I could end this saddness. I wish I could be me again. I wish it would go back to the way it used to be. I'm so cold I don't know what to do. What do I do now? What am I going to do when this is all over? Please help me I have nothing left. Please be the one

These words are sparks, blood dripping from my head. It's hard to polish this evil onto this white cotton. The hate is how this face is turning. All of what's wrong is always what I'll be. It's what I had that will be gone forever. The scrambled words lost in the shuffle. I continue to write myself into this bad story. Just do what they say or they will take it away. Take these pieces of what will never be. Always follow the leaders, you live by there rules. I can't remember anything, anyone that was here. I can't stand this, it's the hurt that is real. It's the burning fire that can't be put out. It's the perfectly straight wire that can't be bent. It's the loud words that can't be heard. As dark as this sounds the pain is still here. Always wrong that's who I am and that's who I'll become. At the same time you meet me you'll walk away. I'm the loser, so come beat me at will. I'm always let

I would like to be serious for a second and say a couple of things that are on my mind at the moment. I don't really know how much I can take. It's this job, school and all the bad news about people I care about. I can't take it anymore. I have no food, no gas, no money. How is this not depressing? It seems to be like this every year. I really don't think I can live like this for another year. I mean who can? I'm fucking sick of this life. I work my ass off to get nothing at all. When is all of this going to pay off? The truth is that it's not! I'm going to be struggling through life for years. Nobody wants a writer that can't even afford to get out of the crap I'm in. Let me be real, four years of fucking school is a waste of my time. In the end it won't get me nothing, not a job, not a family, not money. It's just another thing that's in my way. I mean sixteen years of my life is gone and I don't have a damn thing to show for it. I&

I find myself busy, I haven't had time to write anything besides papers for class. I have one more week until I'm done until next year. I'm hoping to have nothing to do for once. I wish I could just go out and hang out with my friends. I went out in the cold last night and played basketball for the first time in awhile. I made some shots, but got beat in three different games. Hopefully I can get back in shape so I can win more. I recently started to listen to Sondre Lerche. I really like his music it's creative, and smart. I haven't seen any new movies lately. Last week I seen Smart People. I thought it was great, that is a must buy. Talk about a movie about real life and feelings. I love Ellen Paige's performance in the movie. I also seen Get Smart not the funniest comedy, Steve Carrel was great. I'm mad that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson isn't doing action movies anymore. This was another movie I liked him in, my favorite was DOOM. Now I'm

I am just a kid fighting the world with his bare hands. I am so choked up on the words that are spoken. I hit you with my fist and my broken heart. I am just not good at falling apart. I am not very good at believing the lies. I am not very good at following behind. I am not very good at hiding my anger. I am not very good at letting it out. I am just a man broken at the knees. I keep on punching, but I am losing my desire to bleed. I wasn’t meant to bleed for me. I wasn’t meant to race these dreams. I wasn’t meant to lose sleep over hurt. I fall with a blow to the head, it hurts worse than it sounds. I find it hard to get back up this time. I am just not very good at war. I am not very good at remembering things. I am not very good at paying attention. I am not very good at speaking the truth. I am just as broken as you would imagine. I have bled my strength, there is nothing left. I can’t fight for me, but for you it would be an honor.