JACK'S BLOG

I am looking for a new alibi. Every face wonders why. I won’t talk out these lips. What a shame it still is. The words I want to say. The ink won’t go away. Secrets never fade. They speak to me. In thoughts and dreams. I am looking for a new desire. Something I can start my fire. I wish it would burn, And the flames will go higher. What if I could burn me down? Then I could avoid this run around. I could burn this broken house to the ground. Then I could get out of this wasteland of a town. I am looking for a new scapegoat. Someone to end my miserable fate. Please destroy his suffocating weight. Unlock the door and leave you with the key. This pressure filled guilt is crushing me. Wish I could’ve said it wasn’t meant to be. Can you see the agonizing pain you placed on me. I need someone else to carry this load. Before I crumble and fold. I am looking for a new friend. Because another loving relationship is now dead. What if I could carry you then. I can reach out my broken hands again.

I am tired of letting all this animosity, get to me. Running from the broken, energy that keeps hovering all over me. Today I am cutting these flimsy strings. A rejuvenated thought. A reawakened heart. It's beating is so cleanly. I'm feeding off what your needing. I'm dreaming no more. I'm believing all for. I'm walking close to my knee's. Lifting my heart towards the clouds. I'm changing worse views. Staring at a magnificent light. So bright blinding all fright. A brand creation. Wasting time with silly rules. With unexplainable words, and unfavorable ways of, expressing feelings kneeling down. Speaking inconceivable things. I am tired of playing second prize. Running from what's falling behind. It's time to say goodbye broken spirit. No more wearing your red stain. All of this pain ends today.

How can I let this all out. You fill up my head, With hatred and doubt. I keep on looking up, But I can’t stop falling down. I can’t believe what happened. How much would you bet That my head could explode. I think I am coming undone. There are times when I, Just want to take off my head. Please stay this night, I promise that I won’t cry, Without you there I don’t, Think I could close my eyes. This constant knot in my gut, Will never go away! I am sick with aches, And I miss you so bad. I look for you in the door way, But your image just fades.

I’m still holding on, To the feeling of your hand. It is soft to the touch, But it hurts so much. I try so hard to look away, Yet I always look for something to say. I wish I could disappear today, And I didn’t have to face my fears. I falling on my knee’s again, What I believed of you is all pretend. How many times will I fall, Until I completely combust? I can’t look myself in the mirror, Without feeling completely ashamed. When I see you, I fall apart, With no sign of redemption. Please, I am begging you, Won’t you come back in, My life, I need your heart. I can’t think of your words, But I am so ready for a new start. I can’t walk away from you, Without signs of a broken heart. I hope I don’t end up completely apart.

It is crazy how this all feels, tonight. I feel like I am turned upside down, or Am I right side up, please tell me. You make it feel alright. In this moment it feels, so great! I don’t ever want to leave this place. I don’t ever want to lose this state of mind. I want more and more of you in my life. Why don’t we watch the sunrise? Why don’t we dance until we are so high? It doesn’t matter as long as you’re here I am dancing. I promise you that I will never let you go again. The more I love you the more it crushes me, Because your just not here anymore. Is this real or am I just dreaming? I would give you anything, Just let back inside your heart. It is crazy how we think of things. I think of the way you were, Your words made me fall down. In this very moment I feel so amazing! I want more and more of you in my life. Why don’t we speak about the wonderful days? Why don’t we sing until our voices give out? I promise that I would give you anything in the world. I love you more, and mor

Anchor this beautiful night and open up the clouded skies. Just before it goes away and sun shine will raise up. Daze into the bright loving light, And pray for me not. Because I will be fine. Because I won’t lose sight, but I may lose perish time. For this is the best time I have ever had. There is no one person that can take that away. I am a Army of one, yet we will raise. I will take the most of all the arrows or bullets. I will to save you from the pains of today. I will waste away with old words of yesterday. I will place my hand on your side no matter what. My heart is your sculpture mold me the way you want. I hold this day to be the truth. I hold this day that I will be more pure. So run your mouth even if you have nothing to say. Please don’t hide away all of your shame, Please crawl on those knee’s and speak his praises. For this is the best time I have ever had. There is nothing you can do to take that away from me. Speak his wo

There are thieves like you that rob are dreams blind. You come into our lives and sneak up from behind. Without thought or reason you take everything from the depressed helpless. You crush are hearts and destroy are souls. So, don’t cry victim to me you have a twisted heart. Don’t stop falling apart. Now there is no pain I can’t feel, so give up your constant agony. I finally see what is here for me. I can see what I am not suppose to be. I can see what you really are. It’s not meant for me. Your just a horrible memory trapped in me. Your filled to the rim with terrible sin. So, knock me to the ground. So, throw your negative words at me. I will overcome your hurtfulness. I can only overcome your deceitfulness. I can see that you are smiling on the inside. I can see that you are laughing through the tears. You put on this fake smile on everyday, but You always breakdown crying on the inside. You hurt more than anyone can imagine. I can see

I got this feeling in my heart. I have this warmth warped around me. It feels like your love filled me up. I’m crying for you everyday. I LOVE YOU, and I CAN’T STOP! I don’t ever want to lose you. I’m praising you, and I CAN‘T STOP! I want to thank you, and I WON‘T STOP! I think about all the time, AND I AM NEVER GOING TO STOP! I lose my head in your glory, And there is no other place I would like to be. Everyday here I surrender all. I need you, and I DON’T EVER WANT IT TO STOP! I am burning so badly for your love. I am thirsty for your downpour. I LOVE YOU, and I WON’T STOP! I need you and I don’t ever want it to stop. I LOVE YOU!

I have been awake for days. Trying to write this confession down. Every word I write is broken, And I am crying out to you! I am sorry I just can’t help myself. I keep on speaking these words, But everything I do seems to make it worse. I can’t get her back in my arms, Yet I can’t seem to do anything, anymore. Please, Lord I don’t want to be alone tonight. I wish I could pray and the heartache will go away, But this seems to never end. This is in my heart, This is in my head. I have walked to find only my lungs and teeth, Lying on the floor in front of me. I am wondering around having no heart to breath. I have found out that my dreams aren’t what I am used to seeing. And I think I am breaking down. I am distracted by this love, And there is nothing my human hands can do to break free. I am afraid to sleep because of what haunts me. It takes over my thoughts until I am surrendering to my dreams. I am left crying with nobody, but God to see. I wish I could walk away and say goodbye, but

Do I have nothing left to say? Do I need this whiskey to hear your complaints? People love to drink there troubles away. Some times I feel I would be better off that way. Because maybe then I could sleep at night. I wouldn’t have to lay awake until the morning light. This is something I wish I could control. So, this is for how I broke my soul. And this one is how I am still alone, But when I think of you that could be. The end of this bottle, and the end for me. Then I will pick up another and finish it, with another to follow. Maybe then I won’t dream of you anymore, And I could get on with the things that cloud my mind, But then again I might just always feel this way. Because your love is just to strong.

I am walking closer to the ground. Everybody just walks around. I lift my head and tears fall down. Crying voices is the only sound. I stand up with my hands raised high. My feet begin to float, I begin to fly. Another hand reaches for my back. With enough power stabs me in the heart. My body crumbles and I fall apart. Back to my knee's I beg, I plead. There is a whisper in my ear. A girl cries out, save me! I ask, you were not there? I was living fear! I close my eyes and put my hand out. The trembling sweat filled my head with doubt. I looked up again and I saw happiness within. Look what happened, Look what I did. Without effort I am flying to new heights. God heal my wounds, resolve these fights. Save this child set everything in her life right. As you know, she hurt me, but helped me. Please save her first and then save me. Fill us with your love and set us free.

If it makes you less sad. I wish I could venture back. I hope you find who you are. You already know who I am. Just call me another safe bet. If it makes you less sad. We can stop talking on the phone. You already know how vile I am. I am a lair, it's just my style. I am sick with your pain. You just won't go away. I'll grow old. Hoping you'll start acting your age. I'll go home. Hoping to never hear your name. This hurts to erase you, but it is what I must do. I'll burn all of your photos, and forget our past. If it makes you less sad. I'll move away from this state. You can keep to yourself. I'll keep out of your way. It's cold in this room. Where your memory looms. Hopefully as time goes by. You will go too.

I have been having a hard time getting onto a computer lately, so my poems are falling behind. I do have some other things that I have been working on. I can post one of them, but it is really a work in progress. I have tried, but I have never really found the time to write or finish any of my short stories. I want so badly to post them to my blog. I find myself losing the words that I want to write. If anyone has any ideas please share. I am going to get so things done, and hopefully by the end of the month I will be able to share with everyone.

I won’t let you bury it, you sucked the life out of me, And I want you back because I liked it. I tried to let you go away, but I am addicted to you. I can’t look you in the eyes without being fooled, With hope knowing that your alone again. Hold me on your lease and wear me everyday. I like to walk in shoes, but I want your abuse. Maybe I ‘m nobody to you, lets meet again. How can I captivate perfect lies from a perfect date. I do hold everything true and you’re the one I want to do. I want to hold you close and do the nasty things to you. Lead me again because I am here for your amusement. Take me to your bed it’s the one at the end. I love you so much that there is pain inside my head. Everything is better up close and your beautiful, personally. When you smile everything hardens. It doesn’t matter what they say, I am free. I do, I want you on my skin, let the bad parts in. I can believe that best friends are friends forever. Talk the sound out of your voice. I love what I hear it’

The truth is that I can’t stop thinking about this girl “My Ex”. At first it went away for about a month. It got to a point where I didn’t need her anymore. I was happy and moving on. Now she is all I think about every single second of everyday. She is what I dream about. To be honest I can’t take it anymore! I could end my life today because I am tired of the torture. We can’t be friends and I understand that now. I can’t stand the sight of her it eats me up inside that I can‘t be with her. Hearing her laugh, seeing her smile kills me. Maybe it will be easier to say goodbye if I just found someone else and had sex with them? I think I understand why Men after being dumped have no feelings and they just find a replacement. It is much easier than begging for her back. Trust me! don’t do that, it just makes everything worse when she rejects you again. See the problem is not that she was my first love in my life. I believed that she was put into my life from God. That is more devastating

I want to take a walk with you. Letting all the struggle float free. I am crashing to my knee's. Hoping opening your eyes to see. I want you to come closer to me, now! See me Broken! See me Bleeding! I am praying you will help me. Lay your hands upon my heart. Heal my pains take them all away. If I begged you would you come closer? Please come closer to me, Lord. When you see me falling down. Catch me with you loving arms, And hold me up high in the sky. Oh, my love don't give up hope. Please don't pass me on by!

What Should I do? I can't stop the raging inside. I am screaming all over! I am in my head. I am spinning. To many nightmares. I can't take your voice no more. I am sick of the struggle. If you happen to let me in, I promise I will destroy you. There is a darkness destroying my heart. I can take this anymore! I have nothing left to give. I am down on my hands and knee's. I put my head on the ground. I am crying out loud. I am begging you please. I need you more then ever. Please Love me like your son. I am crawling on the pavement, I am searching for your Glory, God. I am trapped in the middle. I keep falling over myself. Scratching and clawing for you. I love you God despite this agony. I just want to touch you now. I want to know you. I can't get over you, Lord. This way your deep inside me. I know your there, God.

I can remember lying awake, Laughing about what feelings I will fake next. I was always tired of thinking about you. I hated everything you did to me. I hated everything I did. I faked my smile. I faked my happiness. I faked my laughter. Most important I faked Love. I can remember saying I love you first. I did whatever you wanted. I never had desires of kids or marriage. I hated all of your ideas. I hated all my ideas. Most important I hated myself. I didn't like what I had become. I couldn't stand your conversions. Everything we did was all a waste. I rarely ever slept well. My head was drowning in nightmares. Yes I cried, and Yeah I wept. What if everything we did wasn't real? All the emotions I didn't feel. I just wanted to feel something good for once. I never wanted to do what you wanted. I never wanted to do what I wanted. When you were Sad, I was pissed off. When you were Happy, I was Sad. Why you were trying to find your life. I was to busy fighting the war ins

Dear Readers, I am so sorry for the way I have been acting on this Blog. I have wrote somethings that were flat out mean. I don't want to lose any one's trust. I try so hard to write what I am feeling, but lately I have just been saying things that were mean. I wish the people that I have hurt can find it in there hearts to trust me again. I do wish everything can go back the way it was, but all we can do is grow as humans. Maybe we are stronger for this mistake, this misunderstanding. I want to say that I forgive you for what happened and I am here with my arms open. I want us to be close again. As friends for now! I will continue to keep everyone in my prayers. I hope that everyone feels better. Just be positive about life. Take a walk and enjoy what God has created. Love, JACK

Why did it have to be you? I wish I could be perfect, but I am just a man. You stole the first broken words out of my mouth. You met my depression. You never let me heal. You just broken them even worse. I am praying for you to find yourself. Because I don't know where you are. I wished I believed in the truth. All I can remember is my lies. I want to hold some part of you. I don't ever want to let go. I have learned something from you. I have learned that you need to give yourself away. Let your problems float up to God. Everybody wishes they can travel back. I am here with open arms. I am here with Love inside. The answer is, Please pray for yourself. Then the question is, Am I the what you wanted? I am here for you if you want me! In the end we all find Love again!

Here is to you and your lover boy. I got your plans trapped in my head. I lied, I never would have walked away. I lied, I would have fought to take care of you. I lied, I never wanted to travel, it was only for you. I would have done anything for you, just for you. Lets have a drink to the horror that I am in. I got your wedding bells in my ear. I die when you say his name. Who am I to you? The wrong person at the right time. All you can fear is your biggest mistake. Here is to you and your lover man. I hope you have the life you dreamed of. This toast is for your’s truly. I am drunk on my knee’s. Can you right now hear me? I can’t let go right now! Who am I to say that I am a good person? I am falling down a dangerous path. I don’t know if I will be around anymore. This last one is for you the one who set me straight. You are the person that gave me hope and ripped it away. You are the last girl I will love on this day. So long, you……

Who am I to you? How can you go on and be happy with yourself? You found someone else to be with. I am glad you found that someone special. You dumped me for him. I guess everything you told me applies to him now. You have someone to hold your hand. You have a shoulder to cry on. How can you walk away so easily? You don’t feel anything inside? Why did you feel the need to fake Love? I am glad you moved on, but Why am I stuck with this pain inside my heart? I don’t think you understand what you really done. I wish you could see it deep inside your heart. You spoon feed me lies, and then ripped me apart. I am such a fool for believing In you. I can see why you rejected me as a friend. I wanted to help someone I used to love, You wanted nothing to do with me. Look me in my face, today! Why can’t you explain? I Loved you like a fool. I saw an Angel like a fool. You can take it out with your lover. Why did you have to lie? It was always about you. What you wanted to do. When you feel like t

This House used to hold life. Now it’s dead, beyond repair. The walls are dark without picture. Empty floors surrounded by empty boxes. There is no light because the blinds are held shut. Everything that was left is now destroyed. This is what happens when torn apart. There is nothing left in this wide open space. It’s like love was siphoned out of a heart. Everything is broken and covered with shattered glass. No air flows through this house, When everything is locked up tight. You can dust off the welcome mat, But you can’t open this door. There is No sleeping in beds. There is anger in the closets. There is pain under the beds. Please I am begging you, don’t you ever come back in.

I saw you in your pretty white dress, and I watched you throw out your bouquet. I watched you drive off with nothing to say. Now I think about you all damn day. I am alone in my lonely bed. With silly dreams replaying in my head. And there’s a river where we used to swim around in, And at the bottom you’ll see all my love for you. It doesn’t float cause it’s all dead. This never was what you intended it to be. Cause you made up little lies and then pulled them apart, Again and again in front me. I think something dark’s living deep down in my heart. We spoke about the future, the family of our lives. All the ways we would live and survive. Then your mood changed to cold selfishness. And nothing was ever the same your helpless. We spoke about the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. All the songs that we Loved the most. Then it all turned to this bitter sweet hate. This is not your work, it’s not your fate. I think I am losing my grip on things.

Should I go back? I hope I don’t forget you! Where do we go from here? Should I get away from here? If you can’t speak now, Then I can’t speak now! So here I am…trying! How is this place ever going to be the same? All the memories are trapped inside my head. I will miss your laugh and your smile! I am giving you one last chance and then I will leave when I want to. I saw you again, I hope your doing better! It is times like these that make me want to jump of a bridge. It is times like these that make me want to cut my wrists. Is there room to make it all go away? How do we fix this if we don’t ever have a chance to talk? Where are you? I am so, so sorry! I can’t sleep! I can’t dream! I wish you would just stop this pain tonight! I wish you were here! I wish life can change back to the good days. The days of when we laughed and drove around the town. This is like violence you kill me forever and after. I have no more tears to shed. I am all dried up! I can’t get enough! Please use me up

I don’t understand those days we had! All of the happy smiles that were on our faces. We talked about a lot of things in life. We talked about a family together. We talked about spending our lives together. You talked up traveling the world with me. I don’t understand why you would fight for me! Why did you even speak to me? I was depressed before! I am shattered now! The heaviness in my heart feels, Like you stabbed it with a knife. I thought you were going to be my wife. You told me God put us together, And then you lied to my face. I wanted to work my ass off to give you the best life. I wanted to have kids and be the best father in the world. You handed me hope and then burned it in my hands. You thought you were healing my heart. I am sorry, but I am bleeding from the heart now. You said you loved me and you would never cheat on me. I said I loved you, but you still felt the need to cheat. It could have been this entire time. I don’t understand why you got so close to me, to brak

What have I really done? I have lost the people I love. I keep running at my mouth. The most horrible things come out! I want to stop my horrible badness. I want run from all this horrible sadness. Please don’t open your mouth. The most horrible things come out! Don’t feed my soul, or this ego. I might just explode. I might just drop to my knees. I might just plead for forgiveness. I will left you go. I really want to know what happened. I do care what happens to you. The words are late, and life’s not fair. It’s time to grow up! It’s time to show up, and give God all of you. It’s time to get on with our lives, so please don’t walk away. I don’t mean for you to fall, I wish I could catch you. I want to forgive you because I know it is what needs to be done. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. I hope you feel the same way.

I dove into this fake life. This so called happiness. Just like every other time I was ripped out. Snapped back to reality. It feels like so long ago, You were with me. It was yesterday you stumbled on my heart. What a family we would have had! What a life we would have lived. I am a lair nothing was ever truth! You’re a Lair that is just what you do. Don’t stop leaving people behind. I dove into some more false hope. This keeps following me around. Then again I continue to believe in something. I remember the touch! I wish I couldn’t remember much. Your going to miss me, but you don’t know! I am the better man! I am the one you ripped out of a world of fantasy. Nothing can come truth out of your month. I am just so sick of being lied to I can puke. This hurt is all because of you. I give you my life. You lied to my face. You cheated, don’t hate me! You didn’t even tell me! You changed me forever! I won’t be the same anymore!