JACK'S BLOG

I want to have friends that I can trust, And I don't have to worry about what words come out. I want to be able to lose myself completely, and slip away from this space for as long as I need. I want to fit into a place where I can be comfortable, I can put my feet up and fall asleep as I please. I want to have friends that will listen to my thoughts, and I am not forced to shut my mouth. Will you ever want to be my friend? I want to laugh and just have fun. And I don't want to have to worry about being wrong. I don't want to feel ashamed when I laugh at something funny.  I want to have friends that will love me for the man that I have become, and not that man that I was. I want to run free in this world with my friends, and never have to look back in regret. I just want to be loved.

I have been roaming the country side, I would hit all the major cities, and then travel back to the open lands. I stole all the water that I could find, and I poured it from way above. Those days were so dark, and the winds would rip things apart. I remember running and screaming, knocking down anything in my way. That's when I met her. She was so calm before I came, and she would say nothing for miles. I got trapped in her waves. I recall spinning and spiraling out of control. She just had this type of hold, and I wish she would never let me go. But I was just the storm that passes through, and destroys everything that gets to close.

I am just a lonely scavenger lost in this wilderness. I can't seem to find my love anywhere. I am slowly losing faith in myself. All of my worst fears are becoming true, and all of my wants and needs just disappear. I am so worn down and pour. These are my rags, where are the riches? Oh I miss the confront of our house, I miss the love we built together, and all the memories we created. All the windows have been boarded up, and we ran from all our adventures. Now I walk with such regret. I must be this bad person, I guess I wasn't worth it, at all. I remember fighting for us, But I am now so sick and tired. and I just don't care if it gets cold, I am going until I am getting home. How did I come this far? I used to be so young, how did I get so old? all these structures are falling down around me, but I am not giving up until I have found your peaceful memory. Even if this house isn't a home anymore.  

I have gotten so close to your skin, I was hoping to make this loss a win. I can't get loose from all your little quirks. I just wanted to use the things that work. You seem to be stuck on my brain, I feel so crazy but I could be sane. It feels like these words were tattooed to my forehead. But I made my bed now I have to lay down in it. You were my emotional waste station, where I would dump all of my messes, Always hoping you would clean them up. I will be your drug if you need it. I will scare away all your fears. I will be your obsession addiction that your chasing so hard. I will be your love if you want it.   So I will give you permission to drag me along, and if it makes you feel any better I will stop acting a fool, but don't feel bad when I say you should too.  I was patiently erasing all those bad memories, where you disagreed with my points of view. We did everything in an orderly time, but everything ended up so late.

Maybe these days were meant not to work, I struggle to look passed the dirt in my eyes. I forget the reasons I kept you by my side. I have been trying to do things right, I have been living a lonely life. I don't know where I need to be, I don't know where I belong. Oh family, show me all the blood I will bleed. You belong with me in my sweet arms. I belong with you my sweet heart. And Oh God I never want to leave. I think if one of us is going to suffer, Why won't it be me? I will carry you on my shoulders, I will hold you close to me. I have been living this dream, and your eyes woke me up with a smile. I wish this was my life at least for a while. I will bandage your cuts and keep you safe. I hope we can make all this right. You belong with me in my sweet arms. I belong with you my sweet heart. And Oh God I never want to leave.

I was there when you cried, I was there when you felt like shit. I was there when you felt unwanted, I was there when you were scared. Because you got me, right where you want me, And if you want me, this is everything. I was there when you were unhappy, I was there when you were sick. I was there when you were worried about our future. I was there when everything went wrong. Because you got me, if you still want me, and if you want me, I am sticking around. I was there when you were excited, I was there when you were bored. I was there all of days last year. I was there when you were mad as hell. But you got me, if you still want me, it isn't were I should be, but this is everything about me. 

Am I not supposed to dream? I see all the things that I wish I never could see, They come to me in the night. I wish I could lose my sight, That these nightmares would go to white. Here I am predicting all the things I couldn’t possible make up, And all of my mistakes unfold in front of me. I am the curse that attacks me in my sleep. I am addicted to running from these rules. What else could I do to make you not follow in my dreams footsteps? Dear dream weaver haven’t I suffered enough, How many more tears need to fall from my face? I stuck to your make believe that came true, Now why don’t you just set me free? By the time I wake in the morning I am fearful of what I might see. I dreamt that you might end up leaving me. I wish I could be known to the truth, But here I know you are already gone, And my heart already feels sick with pain. Why must you torture me? Why can’t I be blind in my dreams? Dear dream weaver haven’t I lost enough,

The last couple of weeks I have had a hard time writing about dreams and what they mean to me. I figured I would continue to use this as a topic, but in a different way. At first I wanted it to be about your hopes and dreams of your life, but now I want it to be about the dreams you have when you sleep at night. What do these dreams mean to you? Sometimes I feel like I can understand my dreams, but it's hard when I can't remember half of them. Throughout my life dreams have had an effect on my life. Whether they were nightmares when I was a kid, or they were feeling more real these days, I feel like they mean more then my mind putting together thoughts of my days. I feel like there is a deeper meaning to some of them, or course most of them don't make much sense to me. I can say I have had some weird experiences with my dreams. My dreams have ranged from dreaming about things that took place the very next day, to taking things out of my dream. I don't mean physical ob