JACK'S BLOG

This is bitter luck that never turns out alright. This day is a little screwed up, and I bleed the same. If I hurt then it’s not the best for anyone. If your alright, then I won’t be fine. I’m feeling nothing on this shattered outside. If your cut, then I’ll bleed so deep. I could use these new scars. I could bleed so much for us. I’m in my most highest state of mind. I’m in the weakest state of health. When I’m yelling at myself. With nothing much to say. I can change my ugly ways, But I don’t know if I could believe again. Only when I’m at my worst. Is when I fall to the ground. I can shut my eyes, And never see again. Because I’m tired of looking at these horrible things. I’m still trapped in this violence called my reckless life. I now know that you always let me down, and now I know I’m going down. It hurts to notice the good days because there are very few of them left. I was put on this world to hurt from my head to my toes. I was faced with these troubled thoughts and they won’

I want to be your friend. I want to be your lover. I don’t ever want to wave goodbye. I want to hold your hand. I want to say hello. I never want to say goodbye. I want to say I love you. This is the loving of this time. I want to show you my heart. I want to give you everything that I can get. I want to be that man that holds you up when your down. Everything is spinning so fast deep down another path. I can’t be another emotion besides light and happy. I want to hold my troubles inside this emptiness. I want to be nothing but me for you. I want to close my eyes and hope that you’ll never leave. I’m never lonely when your around my life. I lay all of my life on these streets, and I hope you follow it to me. Baby….I can be your strength. I can pick you up off your feet. I can be anything you want me to be! It’s love!

I don’t like this transformation. I hate what I have become. I can’t breathe, my head hurts. I can’t stop hating, I can’t stop screaming. Tell me! Who am I suppose to be? I hide this pain, but it comes out of me anyways. I don’t want to be this person anymore. I don’t want to hurt you no more. I’m the only greatness that follows you around. I just wish someone would understand me. I don’t walk around with an S on my chest, I have so much pain that makes me weak. I can’t talk in this tone, or stand in your lines. I can’t say that I like anything I say. I confess that the creep is just me. I confess I am the waste you hate to talk about. I continue to make the same old mistakes, and The results never change. I don’t like me, and I hate these fears. I lie to your face and smile on the inside. I am that sound that causes you to cover your ears. I am that devil that makes you hate so bad. I get sick when I talk to anyone, Some times I wish I was never here. This is not the way things were s

I am ready to breath when ever this air is ready to climb up into my lungs. I am ready for my anger to explode and destroy everything in yelling distance. I am ready to run until I can't run no more and I am trapped ground level. I am ready to lie and if that means I have to burn all the paper I own then so be it. I am looking at this blank wall because these colors don't impress me much. I am looking through these eyes, but there is nothing out there in this hell. I am looking slowly and closely to these twisted dreams trapped in me. I am looking at the back of my eye lids this image is the clearest it will ever be. I am walking to the end of this thought where there is nothing but choas. I am walking through these walls breaking bones, bricks, bleeding out the truth. I am running to the better life if that means losing things on the way. I am running into everything because bad news has a hard time getting out of the way. I am running to this end, but most likely lost is w

I maybe shattered, but what does it matter? I'm everything you want me to be. I'm the one that will be there for everything. I'm a brand new riser. I'm so high I can walk on water. Times like these makes me feel alive. I maybe scattered, but what does it matter? My heart beats so fast. I can't think straight. I don't want this to ever stop. It's times like these I don't want to let go. I want to hold them so tight that nothing will get to them. What could I do, sing for you? What should a boy do? I could never say no! I'm with you!

This time I don’t know what I’m doing. I have been through this for so long. I can’t believe this continues to happen. Why should I keep holding on this time? The worst always stays the same. The pain never seems to go away. I don’t speak because my words don’t work. It doesn’t matter where I go I am stuck under this cloud. It doesn’t matter how hard I try I still make the same mistakes. This time I don’t know where to turn. Know one knows what goes wrong inside of me. I am always the same as I have always been. I don’t want to let you down, but I can’t even pick myself up. I am tired, I am so tired of faking my own life. I don’t think I can do this anymore. You mean more, so Much more. I don’t want to let you down I only wanted to make you proud. I don’t think I can do this on my own. This time I want to walk away so bad. This time I want to yell out loud, I want to let this all out now.

I have been standing here for a long time, and it feels like nothing has changed. I have so much to say, but these words just get tangled in my lies. I can remember all of my dreams and know that this life never turned out the way I thought it would seven years ago. What the hell did I know I was 15 years old? I was just a child walking alone in the dark. I didn’t know what monster I would run into. Running scared is most likely the path I followed. I hate the monster that I have become. I try so hard to speak and write the truth, but my life is all fake. I walk into life with my mask on and I never take it off. I started to read some of my old letters to myself when I was in high school and realized that I never wanted to be an Actor, it never crossed my mind. Isn’t this saying true “Don’t let school get in the way of one’s education”? Well I think it is time I follow this dream. I shouldn’t have to live out my bloody death every single day. I should be walking on these clouds singing

Why should I look back? I'll be here in this world all alone. Walking to the end of the street, where it all stays the same. You will find me here, this is the house I live in. Please don't make me fall because It will all fall down. I don't want to say let these memories go away. I can't stop being a fool for you. I can't stop putting my life on the line for you. I can't stop begging on my knee's for you. I can't stop bleeding for you. I can't stop spinning. Why should I look back for you? I'll just be left alone. Your going to feel this sharp pain in your back. This knife in the back is what your used to pulling out of me. When you walk away is when your the strongest and I'm the weakest. I can't stop myself from hurting you. I can't stop myself from hating you. I can't stop myself from running from you. Why should I look back, to find out that I was nobody to you? Your going to see a different world when you look out that windo