While I was growing up I wasn’t really
pushed into Church besides when I went to my grandparents’ house for the
weekend, where I was expected to attend Church. The truth is that I had no idea
what this place was; I didn’t understand what it meant to be a Christian, or to
have a relationship with God. I just went when I had too, and then that was it.
As I grew up the idea of God was beyond me. I was the wandering Sheep, but I
didn’t seek God at all. Even when I finally accepted Christ into my heart, I
still didn’t understand this relationship with God. I found myself following
what other people did, and I didn’t see what I was doing wrong. Two years as a
Christian, and I didn’t understand what I had to do in this relationship. Like
a lot of people I went to Church on Sunday, felt horrible for all of the sin I
committed, I prayed, and then the rest of the week fell into pieces, again.
Here I was stuck in this endless cycle that continued to drive my life. I found
myself praying for change, but I didn’t realize that I have to do a lot more,
than just think that when I pray to God he was going to give me what I wanted.
It is so easy to get caught up in this world, and forget how much God really
does for us. 1 Peter 3:18-22 “For Christ
also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might
bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit,
in which he went and proclaimed to the spirits in prison, because they formerly
did not obey, when God's patience waited in the days of Noah, while the ark was
being prepared, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were brought safely
through water. Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a
removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a good conscience,
through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at
the right hand of God, with angels, authorities, and powers having been
subjected to him.” I have heard many
metaphors about the relationship with God, but the one that still stands out
is; where does God seat in your car? Is he in the trunk? What about the back
seat? Where you want Him is the front seat driving your life? This brings me to
how close are you with God? I noticed for a while that my relationship with God
had fallen apart, and that I was only talking to him when I wanted something.
Think of being in a relationship with a person. I am pretty sure that the
relationship won’t last if I continued to talk to them just once a week, and
then when I did I told them what I wanted. That to me sounds like a horrible
way to treat someone that is willing to love and forgive you no matter what you
do. So the question that hit me was, how was I going to fix this? Well I
believe that God did most of the work. I had to step out in faith, and trust
God. I had to stop sneaking around, and just walk through the front door. John
10:1-3 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he
who does not enter the sheepfold by the door but climbs in by another way, that
man is a thief and a robber. But he who enters by the door is the shepherd of
the sheep. To him the gatekeeper opens. The sheep hear his voice, and he calls
his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own,
he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. A
stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not
know the voice of strangers.”
In weighing all of this down in my
life the next question I had was; how much did I want this relationship? What
was I going to do in my life that will put God First? I started to read the Bible
more, and actually thought about what I was reading. I have been on this winter
break, and my life was completely flipped upside down, so I had a lot of time
on my hands. I began my days Worshiping God through song, and praying. Then I
would take walks while praising him for everything in my life. I started
listening to old podcasts of the Pastor Jerry Gillis on The Chapel at Cross
point Podcast. I began reading books about God. Then I started to go deeper
into some topics and challenged myself. I started writing blogs about my faith,
and about God. I listened to more music that lifted me up in God’s presence. I
started going onto Facebook, and reading peoples post, and when someone was
going through a hard time whether they knew it or not I prayed for them. I have
single handedly put God number one in my life in every aspect. To be honest I
learned something so important. Of course I heard it over and over before, but
never understood it. I learned that I didn’t need Church to be this place where
I filled up spiritually every week. I am not saying I don’t need Church. I
don’t have to feel like I am struggling through the week anymore because God is
here all the time, and until you realize what he does for you every single day
you may feel that you can’t wait for Sunday. Of course you’re not going to feel
happy every day, but you will have this everlasting Joy in your heart. I spent
a lot of time on my feelings, and worrying about who I was going to trust. The
end of a relationship with someone in my head I thought it would have taken
over a year, but the truth is I miss her, but I don’t need her because I have
Jesus. Of course I think about those memories, but trusting in God has changed
my life. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own
understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your
paths.”
This brings me to my last questions
that floated around my head. What do I want this relationship to be? Again I
can go back to the idea of a human relationship. Let’s say you have been
married for three years and you began to notice that everything you do with
your partner is always the same. It gets boring and repetitive, you find
yourself lazy, and more tired doing the same things over and over. My question
is do I want my relationship with God to turn into this? This to me had a big
deal to do with the Church I will attend on Sunday’s. When I was with my
fiancée I started going to a Baptist Church. (I am not here to say what’s wrong
with Churches!) It came down to how I want my relationship to be on Sunday
Mornings. Yes, with the Baptist Church there is an order to things. Basically
you know what is going to happen before it happens, type of deal. Of course I
had this inter battle with myself because I love the people there, and I
believe they are going in the right direction, but what always came up was if I
did the same thing every Sunday Morning to seek God won’t it get old or boring?
Shouldn’t I try new things, Should I dig deeper? Again I am not saying that I
didn’t like that Church or the people in it. It wasn’t until today that I
lifted it up to God, and my answer came to me. Seek God to your fullest. Deuteronomy 4:29
"But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if
you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” So what I didn’t mention was that there was
another Church that was the type that lets the Holy Spirit lead and every week
you can be surprised what the Lord will do. It’s hard to just walk away, but I
realize that is what you must do if you truly trust God. What makes it better
is I will still be attend their Wednesday Night Men's Group which will be
great, and if God leads me there again. Then I will go back. So, my
relationship with God is amazing, and it took a lot more than what I thought it
would, but every moment I spend with God is worth all the pain I had to go
through to get to this point. Feel free
to comment if you would like. God bless!
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