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This Weight Won't Keep Me Down

"It doesn't matter what happens tomorrow, or the next day, this life is all about today, and what I make of it. I can continue to think of all of the things that have held me down in the past, or I can get out from beneath them, and jump up. Of course everyday isn't going to be the best, but if I soak in my sorrows, how will I ever just escape from past me? I just want to be happy. I want to soak in happiness, but lately I've been drowning in my pain. I hate to say it, but I hate me for being that way. I am never going to be somebody if I don't ever get out there and be me. The pain will be no more, and these tears will finally disappear. Everything that has happened will be gone forever, and as it is today same with all the people I knew. I am in a new beginning where everything has changed, and I refuse to let everything end up being the same. Everyday for me there is a new problem, a new struggle, and I feel like I am sinking. When I lest expect it, when I am losing this battle, God is there directing me from it. I have no way to explain it anymore, but it's all true. When I found God he never let me go. I am the only one letting me down, and I am sick of being the one trapped on the ground. I am waiting for something, and I feel like I can't wait any longer. I wish I could just see the truth. I am waiting, but I am all wrong. I can't wait for something that is not ready for me yet. I still haven't found what I am looking for in this life, and it is tearing me up inside. This hurt cuts me deep at my core. Sometimes I fall, but I can't resist these human temptations. It makes me want to be someone that I am not. It makes me want to fall, and never get back up again. I am sorry for I have sinned I let this devil win. He got the best of me, yet again. The truth is I don't know how to be this "Perfect Person" that God can be proud of. I hate being the rebellions son. I never stop and think. When the time comes I just surrender with out a fight. I lose my strength submitting all of my might. I get these moments where all the bad times out weight the good. I vanish inside myself where I don't want to come out. There are days of recurring depression that eats at me. It makes me not want to be me. I can pray, I can shut my mouth, and I just fade away. A fear of being hated for this darkness in me, and my words could kill your confidence. I wish I was normal, I wish I was real. I wish I was liked, Damn, I wish I could be me. I try to be somebody, but this suffering is ripping off my human skin. Even after all of this I just would like to say that I still have faith that one day I will be happy, and I will find that girl that I can love with everything I have inside. I know it will happen, because I don't believe that God put me here to be all alone."   


"Today I maybe damaged, and I pray that Repair will come with no repercussions. I want to stitch these wounds, so that Agony won't come pouring out. I tried so hard to be your friend, but Deceit, you must have no one, then. I am so sorry Love I laid you to waste, and I wish I could stuff the words back into my face. I must of been foolish to trust in Lies, it's all  for me to feel Hurt running deep inside. Oh Happiness please come and fill me up inside. I can't stand the sight of Hate he just won’t get out of my way. Please fade away, so Sadness won’t have to come back again today."

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